Hey guys, im new to the community my name is haidar. So i been attracted to this boy in my class for the past month. My minds been so stressed out because im not 100% certain about my sexuality. Sometimes i kind of like girls but im mostly towards men. I fear that im gonna lead this boy on and im not even 100% of my sexuality. Does anybody else relate?
hi haidar! i COMPLETELY understand and relate to this oh my gosh, even with the progress ive made with my sexuality and with being somewhat "out" for about 4 years now, i still have thoughts just like those that i absolutely obsess over, especially when it comes to pursuing relationships with girls.. not much advice on that front since i am also new to the community and to specific OCD treatment, however, i do want to say as a queer person that if you're attracted to someone, its okay to feel that and act on it! (as long as its not one sided ofc pls ask consent always). but, you wouldnt be picking up on this boy's attributes specifically and recurringly if you didnt have some true feelings-- so explore those! its okay to work on discovering yourself, and even though it is so goddamn SCARY to go into something without knowing the outcome, i believe in you :) hope this wasnt unwarranted or anything!! stay strong im proud of you
@minoudesetoiles Thank you so much it means a lotš. Its just so frustrating like its my first ever crush since i discovered my sexuality 2 years ago and im so attracted to this boy. Then my brain just does anything to think about the potential future with this boy. Even when im in his presence i get so irritated that im not getting a specific feeling kr whatever. You comment means a lot thank you so much for taking the time out of your dayā¤ļø
Hey i think this is very common for people to feel. Allow yourself to have these thoughts when you are in a calm state- donāt fight them- let them exist. Figuring out what attracts us is a life long journey and it sounds like youre allowing yourself to explore mentally different ideas of what you might find attractive this makes sense! I think for me i got stuck ruminating on these thoughts- i wish I knew how to help but if your compulsive thoughts donāt hurt you or anybody around you then let them be :) thoughts will pass and feelings will change over time- allow yourself to feel as though you flow with them
@Genna123 Thank you genna, you are so rightš¤ definitely i should allow myself. Your words mean a lot thank you :)
Hi Haidar š we donāt need 100% certainty to do anything in life! So-ocd is tiresome to deal with. I struggled with that theme before so I relate to what you are going through.
@hellopeople Hello, thank you for your words. Definitely your right. Thank you for your helpš¤
I can relate to this! I struggled with my sexuality for a bit outside of my OCD (but as we know OCD loves to sniff out and LATCH to any uncertainty in our life). Something that helped me sit with that uncertainty is reminding myself that it's okay not to know, as many of us are still always figuring it out. The overarching "queer" label has helped so many still feel seen while not having a specific "label" like gay, straight, or even bisexual. Your intentions sound pure even if you're not 100% sure of your sexuality, and that is something that I think all of us can appreciate and understand (even those outside of the OCD community!) When in doubt, honesty is also great, if ever asked it's always okay to say you're still exploring.šš
@ Thank you so muchš¤ you words help and mean a lot to me. Its a struggle but a work in progressš¤ thank you very very much.
So basically, I donāt know when this started, but basically whenever I look at a girl, a girl on a phone screen, or even a cartoon thatās a girl, I have this weird tendency that I like them, even though Iām straight. And though I am fairly young (still a teen), Iām positive that Iām straight, but my mind is giving me these weird feelings and signals that Iām not. And disclaimer, I do not have a problem with people with other kinds of sexualities, but I am feared for my life about this. Iāve honestly been keeping these tough emotions and feelings in me for days now. I donāt want to tell my mom because I donāt want her to think bad of me, and we also live in a Catholic household, so the thought of having a different sexuality is a lot on us. Iāve done some of my research, and since Iāve had many different types of OCD for quite some time, Iāve come to the conclusion that apparently I have SO-OCD or HOCD (basically the same thing.) I donāt know if this is true or not. But some other websites have told me that itās just a part of being a teenager and growing up, and finding what love interest suits you the most, but I honestly have no pleasure with this whatsoever! I constantly think about, āoh, what if you like this girl right there?ā Every time I walk past a girl, and sometimes my mind agrees with it, but deep down I donāt want this. And even sometimes, when Iām watching a video, or looking at boys in real life, looking at boy cartoon characters, most of the time, my mind tells me, āthis boy is cute. I am attracted to him.ā But other times, I completely disagree with that statement. Same with girls, so I donāt know. And also my mind tells me, or something in me tells me that the guys at school that I like, I donāt like them anymore, and instead I look at the girls, in which I know that Iām not attracted to, so itās just a continuous cycle like that and I donāt know how to stop it. Someone please help because I donāt really know how to explain this, itās just tough on me.
So I identify as a lesbian and I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful girl. But iām stressing that I have crushes on boys I go to school with. I get anxious around them, which I think I mistake for excitement. I obsess over it in my head which confuses me a lot. Idk I also never think about them sexually or romantically but I think about them often which is scaring me. Any advice?
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I donāt want, and then tries to convince me that I do. Itās painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I donāt want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but Iām terrified that one day Iāll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. Iāve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that Iām "bisexual." Iāve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge meātelling me, āYou donāt even know what love feels like.ā It wonāt shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that Iām a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
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