Username: hannahj99

Date posted: 1y ago

Newbie that’s confused and scared of meds

Hello everyone! I have been through a whirlwind of mental health struggles but OCD feels like it might be “running the show” and I didn’t know if anyone else could relate The first time I got told I was struggling with ocd was by a therapist only a few months ago who said I “fall under the cloud of harm ocd” This lead me to a downward spiral because I had never had a mental health diagnosis before and I was so scared right away that nobody would believe me or help me. I feel like my life has been so out of control over the last few months. I’m dealing with some other things such as big life changes and identity crisis (fresh out of college, no longer a student athlete, came out to my family). I had to leave my first job as an icu nurse for the immense distress it caused me as i was working day/night rotating shifts and being triggered unknowingly to some trauma that I didn’t even know I was holding onto. I now experience heavy mood swings and dissociation at times related to ptsd and I feel like life just isn’t the same. I’m in such a tough spot because I seem to have a fear of being misdiagnosed/improperly treated, a fear of taking meds, a fear of unintentionally harming myself, and my needs for safety reassurance are so strong that I’m back home with my parents and scared to do anything. I’m a nurse as well so I know way too much about the meds and side effects. At the end of the day, the logical part of my brain wants meds to help me , but the fear or starting meds, the side effects, and the trial and error of them not knowing what will work leaves me stuck and feeling hopeless. I always end up thinking that I could just feel better if I jumped back into my normal busy life, but when I do so and get triggered (ocd or ptsd) I am left hopeless and begging my parents to get me on meds. Each appointment though leads to significant anxiety and like I have to say every single detail , which ends in me getting frustrated and confused not wanting to take meds after all because i don’t think they have the full picture. I had a bad experience with Zoloft bringing out manic symptoms when I first started it. It was terrifying. I’ve been switching provider to provider trying to find someone I trust, but in the mean time my anxiety is worsening and I feel more confused of what my symptoms really are in the first place. I have Xanax that I can take 3x daily but I don’t like feeling like I’m going to get addicted to it if I keep taking it and avoid getting on long term meds. I don’t trust any doctors and I feel the need to tell them every single little detail which I feel like leads to further frustration and maybe even impaired treatment plans. I’m sorry if this is a lot but I’m really struggling and needing some support and guidance 😭

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm sorry you're going through that. It seems like you are having obsessions over your mental health - probably having questions like "what if I react poorly to the medication? What if the doctor doesn't understand my symptoms? What if I get addicted to the medication?" Do these sound like thoughts you are having? It seems you would like to get back in your job but you need better skills to deal with the anxiety -- thinking "if I can just get back into my busy life, I will feel better". This kind of "if I can just" thinking is usually a sign that you are trying to deal with some anxiety but its not working for you. I would recommend that you consider working with a therapist and put blind faith in your doctor/psychiatrist. I've been there -- it's slow, it's frustrating, but you have to keep trying and trust the process

Username: hannahj99hannahj99

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous This is really helpful thank you!

Username: Jeffrey Jeffrey

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I am so sorry this is happening to you. OCD is a cruel disorder and one that does take the wind out of your sails. The good news is that there is hope and there is treatment that can help you to manage OCD rather than OCD managing you. First and foremost, have compassion for yourself. Ocd is difficult and with all the other stressors that you are experiencing in your life - it is not surprising that ocd has found it’s way in. Show the same compassion to yourself that you would show to a friend or loved one. I would recommend that you seek treatment with an OCD specialist. ERP is the gold standard treatment for OCD. As for medications I am not a physician or medical professional so speaking solely on my own experience medication can be and often is helpful - coupled with therapy. Meds will only do so much - and ERP therapy will help. There are lots of YouTube videos on erp - I am partial to NOCD and Nathan Peterson. I find them helpful. Reach out here as there are so many of us familiar with ocd and can support you. I hope this helps.

Username: hannahj99hannahj99

Date posted: 1y ago

@Jeffrey Thank you so much!

Username: hellopeoplehellopeople

User type: NOCD Alumni

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi I’m so sorry for the difficult spot you are right now in your life, just out of college and trying to find work is rough, and dealing with OCD is torture. Figuring out what path to managing your health is so difficult because we are all different people that respond to treatments differently. I used to take medication which helped my anxiety but I had no skills to deal with OCD when thoughts occurred, now I found ERP is best for managing my OCD, but it takes a lot of trial and error and working through things :) One step at a time is all you need to do, if something isn’t working you can change the direction you take. OCD likes to tell us everything is “all or nothing” but that is not true. Try to breathe and take time to relax. Most of us here have faced the scary uncertainty of treatment so you’re not alone!

Username: hannahj99hannahj99

Date posted: 1y ago

@hellopeople Thank you!

Username: GregJGregJ

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi, just remember you didn’t ask for OCD. You are doing your best to fight and “survive”. We believe you and know exactly what you are going through. I feel the same way with my life being out of control. I just graduated college, all my friends are getting apartments, and I’m dealing with a sickness in the family. I was nervous too to start meds at first, but after finding the right meds for me they really helped. I would encourage you to find a doctor you trust and keep them updated how you feel so they can make adjustments. Also your doctor will start you off on a very low dosage of meds to see if your body handles it well and see if there are side effects. Starting off with low dosage makes it easy for you and the doctor to stop the meds if any side effects showed. It took me 3 or 4 meds trial and errors to find one that worked for me. But I’m so glad I went through it and didn’t quit. I even took a dna test that helps determine which med is best for you if you are interested I can provide more detail. I would continue to encourage you to be open and honest with your doctors. Getting comfortable with w doctor can take some time so if you don’t feel a connection in the first meeting that’s okay- give them a couple more appointments. You got this. If you ever need to talk I’m here.

Username: hannahj99hannahj99

Date posted: 1y ago

@ Thank you so much! Is the dna testing a new thing?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

I too am new to OCD & have a fear of meds. I found someone at my local Nutrition World store that has 25 years experience in supplements & mental health. I take Buspar for anxiety & Gabatrol (supplement) currently. I feel the same frustrations you do about the time involved in finding the right things for me as an individual. NOCD has helped me but it’s still hard some days well most days right now because life…lol! It’s awkward something. Prayers & love your way!

Username: hannahj99hannahj99

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Thank you :)

Username: Jal_is_okayJal_is_okay

Date posted: 8w ago

You don't have to if you don't want and if you get help that also helps so that you feel better without meds. Also never took them. One therapist wanted to just take meds without even trying so I took for one week a half of a tiny 💊 then I broke it up bc I didn't want it and I also changed my therapist

Username: Jal_is_okayJal_is_okay

Date posted: 8w ago

And just don't take meds if you just have a lot of stress !!!! Bc ocd fluctuates and if the life gets steadier the ocd also gets better you need to displug stress as much as you can. Otherwise you would just take Meds bc of the moment and then it would be better bc of less stress so you have to manage it longterm

Username: Jal_is_okayJal_is_okay

Date posted: 8w ago

Yes go to an ocd specialist and just try ERP first

Username: j

Date posted: 3y ago

I don’t normally make posts like this but if anyone can relate or has advice so I don’t feel so alone I would appreciate it! I feel like crying and I’m so anxious. So I’ve been dealing with an ocd flare up since February. It started out as contamination and harm after I had a really bad experience on a edible. The contamination mostly centered around the fear of someone accidentally giving me an edible to someone putting it in my food or water. Then it went from there to my Brian going you know what’s worse than edibles? LSD. So then I obsessed over that and it’s been like that on and off. I’ve had an extremely hard time with it it’s been one of the worst themes I ever had. I don’t eat certain things. Especially sweets. I avoid them. I avoid taking medication Bc I’m scared. I limit myself. I’m horrible about opening water bottles and if it doesn’t open just right I won’t drink out of it. I know it’s crazy I know it’s untrue but the panic I feel traces back to that night. I don’t ever want to feel that out of control again it scared me so bad I got diagnosed with ptsd (to be fair I had a lot of unresolved trauma that caused my glass to overfill) well, I’ve been going to EMDR therapy it’s got my ptsd under control but the ocd is louder. My ocd is clawing to stay alive. I’ve started to have intrusive thoughts now about my boyfriend might slip something into my water even though ITS NOT TRUE. So then I panic because the thoughts are so irrational that I get scared like why would I ever think that about him???? But the intrusive thoughts are so jarring and I don’t want my ocd to focus on him now! I need advice! I’ve been prescribed pristiq but haven’t taken it Bc you guessed it.,.. I’m scared to! I can’t go on like this! The thoughts are so irrational it scares me even though the rational side of me knows it’s not true but I guess that’s ocd. We get scared of the thoughts even though we know it’s not true and I know it’s my brain trying to keep the ocd going. I know therapy must be working otherwise my theme subjects wouldn’t have changed so fast. I’m so tired of this.

Username: dslite

Date posted: 26w ago

My story

I have had ocd my whole life… recently for the last year my ocd developed into harm ocd. Four years prior to meeting my husband, I was in an abusive relationship that left me with PTSD and trauma. I have had fears of hurting my husband for almost a year now. My ocd shows me images of me stabbing him or suffocating him. I have tried exposure therapy with an OCD therapist but recently she recommended that I try medication. I went to my PCP and tried Fluvoxamine with bad side effects of anxiety and paranoia (I am off of this now for at least two weeks). Now my ocd has “evolved” as I call it. I’m afraid of my husband poisoning my food, afraid of hurting my animals and the people I love and even now random strangers… all I feel everyday is fear and anxiety over doing something wrong. Today, my PCP called crisis on me as I expressed to him what I also did to my therapists (I’m transitioning to a weekly therapy instead of monthly with a new service) and I was placed in an in patient facility for a few hours before the psychiatrists discharged me. I still don’t know how to process this situation and have been on edge since returning home. I had ocd thoughts again tonight being worried about giving into the harm ocd thoughts and am now in a hotel room in order to feel safe (the OPPOSITE of what I should be doing, I know). Moral of the story is… I have gone through a lot in the past month and it has left me more broken and hurt then before I was on medication. Sorry for the novel to read but hopefully one day I will find relief.

Username: Derrick D.

Date posted: 22w ago

First Post

Hey Everyone, I have been recently diagnosed with OCD within the past year. Finding this information out gave me an answer to so many years of struggle and feeling alone. I have had ups and downs and have been successful for a long time along this path of my own. Unfortunately, I experienced a massive panic attack 3 years ago that hospitalized me and has left me feeling at the 'start' again, but this time it feels worse than it ever has before. Anything that puts me potentially by myself or having to do anything by myself I cannot fathom, I can barely make it to the gas station at the corner of my house alone. I have been in therapy, went through EMDR/ACT and CBT. I was doing great for a little bit and even made one appointment about 10 minutes away from my home all alone by myself (also note I am in a new area completely that I just moved too). I was on medication at this time *lexapro 20MG*, I am no longer on it due to my bloodwork being extremely abnormal for my age. Now that I am no longer on it - I have fear creeping in that the lexapro kept me sane and that I cannot cope without it. I understand this is not the case entirely but there is something in me that believes that to be true. Long story short, I am looking for individuals who have had the same experience as me and could give me some hope into getting back to my normal routine (even knowing I have OCD now). I just want to be independent again and not burden my loved ones and learn to be okay with myself. Thanks in advance!

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