I hate this so much

Hii, this is my first time posting on here. I’ve been dealing with OCD since I was at least 14, and I didn’t get diagnosed til a few weeks ago, I’m 25 now. I’ve had all types of obsessions. My first big was of getting tapeworms, I became a vegetarian yo avoid em(I’m still one but I don’t fear tapeworms anymore). I thought I had schizophrenia shortly after that, that’s one that comes back here and there. I feared the end of the world, I had a big religious obsession, that lead me to being agnostic And right now I’m dealing with what I think is somatic or existential ocd. This started in early 2021, one night I was in bed watching a movie and I became very aware of myself. I looked up derealization, cause what I thought it was, and I spent the next couple months checking myself and my surroundings to see if that’s what I was experiencing. It was a very miserable time for me, but luckily it ended, I don’t remember exactly when. I was fine for most of last year, but then a toward the end of year I went driving at night with my mom and sister. I saw a tweet online about how some ppl disassociate while driving and I got scared that would happen to me. It was dark and there were lots of cars and lights, I couldn’t shake the thought. Now I’m here, still not to able to. The few times I’m able to I feel fine. But as I realize I haven’t been thinking about it it comes back. I got on lexapro shortly after cause I figured it might help but I can’t tell if it is. My anxiety is reduced but yeah. I’m so scared I won’t feel like I did before. Like I know I’m not losing my mind but it’s hard not to feel like I am sometimes. I hope someone can relate to this.

Username: Dee CDee C

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m not an expert and passing along some information acquired in my OCD journey. When you fight against the thoughts, you’re signaling the brain to mark them as being important. We all have horrible thoughts. Those not having OCD will just shrug them off and not let them bother or give meaning to them. That’s contrary to those of us with OCD. It takes practice not to react to the thoughts or to follow them down the rabbit hole of trying to figure them out. And you can do it!!! If you’re considering therapy be sure it’s with someone trained in dealing ocd or reach out to the NOCD Care Team. Hope this helps you!!!

Username: markthesecondmarkthesecond

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Dee C Thank you so much! I’m starting therapy on Tuesday.

Username: jasper113jasper113

Date posted: 1y ago

You should talk to a therapist, it can help a lot. And you’re not alone. I became vegetarian in 1st grade and was for 8 years until I had developmental problems and was forced to a traditional diet. About the driving I’m scared to even sit in the passenger seat of someone else driving because I get intrusive thoughts to grab the wheel and hit something. So just know you’re not alone and you should start therapy

Username: markthesecondmarkthesecond

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@jasper113 I’m starting therapy on Tuesday. I’m not afraid to drive, I was fine until that night. I don’t like driving at night cause I can’t see as well.

Username: jeez241jeez241

Date posted: 1y ago

Definitely try therapy. Practice mindfulness. And read this book: “Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-Based Guide to Getting Over Frightening, Obsessive, or Disturbing Thoughts” by Sally Winston, PsyD. Find it on Amazon here: https://a.co/d/iJU2dE6

Username: Christian

Date posted: 6y ago

Hello everyone! (Existential Obsessions) I have struggled with anxiety since I was a young boy. I remember worrying when I was younger that I was inadvertently trying to harm my mother, even though I love my mother more than anyone in the world. It’s shifted more times than I can count, from worrying about poisoning or contamination to thinking that I had heart disease. It’s all the same animal just shape shifting into whatever I fear most at the given time. Currently, (trigger warning) I am constantly obsessed with the fear of developing some sort of delusion or schizophrenia. I am 25 years old (I know that it would’ve probably developed by now) and have no schizophrenia in my gene pool. But I am constantly checking my thoughts to see if they sound delusional or if I am hallucinating my reality. This of course if extremely frustrating for someone with OCD because there is never going to be any definitive proof that I am not going mad. It has caused me extreme discomfort over the past few months and has brought me to extreme states of panic. I was wondering if any of you deal with existential OCD or fears of losing touch with reality. Of course, some days this seems laughable and others I can almost taste the insanity. On paper, everything in my life is going amazingly but in truth I can’t seem to enjoy any of it because I have these nightmarish intrusions of everything falling apart around me. Is this a common symptom? P.S I already run a few miles a day, meditate, do yoga and am working on strengthening my CBT. Any other suggestions?

Username: j

Date posted: 3y ago

I don’t normally make posts like this but if anyone can relate or has advice so I don’t feel so alone I would appreciate it! I feel like crying and I’m so anxious. So I’ve been dealing with an ocd flare up since February. It started out as contamination and harm after I had a really bad experience on a edible. The contamination mostly centered around the fear of someone accidentally giving me an edible to someone putting it in my food or water. Then it went from there to my Brian going you know what’s worse than edibles? LSD. So then I obsessed over that and it’s been like that on and off. I’ve had an extremely hard time with it it’s been one of the worst themes I ever had. I don’t eat certain things. Especially sweets. I avoid them. I avoid taking medication Bc I’m scared. I limit myself. I’m horrible about opening water bottles and if it doesn’t open just right I won’t drink out of it. I know it’s crazy I know it’s untrue but the panic I feel traces back to that night. I don’t ever want to feel that out of control again it scared me so bad I got diagnosed with ptsd (to be fair I had a lot of unresolved trauma that caused my glass to overfill) well, I’ve been going to EMDR therapy it’s got my ptsd under control but the ocd is louder. My ocd is clawing to stay alive. I’ve started to have intrusive thoughts now about my boyfriend might slip something into my water even though ITS NOT TRUE. So then I panic because the thoughts are so irrational that I get scared like why would I ever think that about him???? But the intrusive thoughts are so jarring and I don’t want my ocd to focus on him now! I need advice! I’ve been prescribed pristiq but haven’t taken it Bc you guessed it.,.. I’m scared to! I can’t go on like this! The thoughts are so irrational it scares me even though the rational side of me knows it’s not true but I guess that’s ocd. We get scared of the thoughts even though we know it’s not true and I know it’s my brain trying to keep the ocd going. I know therapy must be working otherwise my theme subjects wouldn’t have changed so fast. I’m so tired of this.

Username: chloe_h

Date posted: 46w ago

Understand OCD

I have my first therapy apt Monday - looking forward to it! However, I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD. I’m advocating for myself and hoping to figure out what all is going on so I can learn correct coping techniques to get better! I guess I’m writing this to maybe see if anyone can help me understand or can relate!? I had my first panic attack a few months ago! After a few weeks my mind got scared that feeling anxious and stressed out was going to make me become schizophrenic or some insane situation. I somewhat got over that fear after several months of everyday panics about it. Now I’m in a loop and scared everyday that I’m “stuck”. I felt like I was experiencing dereliction and things weren’t real. And my mind takes off with that feeling everyday and feeds me these constant ‘what if’ thoughts and make things seem real. I am worried and in tears off and on everyday. It’s like a tug of war because I know it’s not true but in that same breath I feel like it’s real and true! It’s exhausting and scary! Can anyone relate? Does this sound OCD related? Thanks so much! Hugs to everyone ❤️

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