feeling completely out of it and out of body

it was quiet for a second and my mind was like it’s quiet cause you want all of these thoughts to happen. i didn’t get anxious like i usually do and it made me worried that this isn’t OCD and this is all me. now my mind keeps going back on this and i genuinely hate it cause the anxiety i used to get when this all first happened is not the same rn and it makes me even more worried that it’s not like that anymore cause i want these things to happen. i hate that this is all happening and i feel completely out of it. i feel like out of body and all stuck in my head and it sucks completely. i keep getting spike of anxiety and that is scary. does anyone else feel this way or knows what i’m talking about? i feel like this is just me and no one else gets this way and that is also very scary.

anonymous43

Date posted: 2y

I know what this numbness is. It's when this is too much for you to take so it stops bothering you anymore. I tried hard to be more kind to myself in order to believe that I need and deserve help. I have been trying to escape from OCD so many times that everytime it changed and always felt like it was me. Sometimes I stopped caring for it because deep inside I thought it would go away just like that. I didn't feel anything about it. Until it came worse and I started feeling like even this is out of me but, it doesn't have barriers. Anxiety and fear may change subjects and for me, I feel shame for not seeking help before it gets worse. But it's not too late. If you have the idea that you have OCD search it more. Always take care of yourself and remember you are not alone. My mind kept telling me that it's my fault for having intrusive thoughts and that I'm a bad person so why should I seek help? But it's not like that. You are not those thoughts that keep sticking in your head. If you suffer you need help and you definitely don't like suffering. You can be happier and at peace. We all deserve peace. Shame and guilt is a burden that will get lighter through the process. I hope it makes sense. Take care.

ocdhaver22

Date posted: 2y

@I want my life back thank you so so so much for this wonderful message. i see my therapist tomorrow and i was diagnosed a month ago with OCD it’s just my mind is like this is all you and not the OCD. i feel numb but at the same time like the anxiety is still all completely there. it sucks i feel like i’m just on autopilot rn and my mind is just ruminating on this topic and i need it to go. i kept thinking omg i’m going to have another breakdown and put back into the mental hospital and that will be scary as it is. i hate how this has taken over for me today. it feels like 1 step forward and then 100 steps back.

anonymous43

Date posted: 2y

@ocdhaver22 I know how it feels. I'm still struggling to be more confident about the treatment. I'm afraid that I'll get back to that cycle. They say that when you can't change something change the way you see it, but when it's about OCD don't try to change the way you see it because it will get worse and you will get distanced from yourself. However, change the way you see yourself. OCD doesn't define you.

ocdhaver22

Date posted: 2y

@I want my life back i’m trying my best see it as the OCD i hate how my mind went from thinking the thought of you’re not getting anxiety cause you want this to happen to me believing omg i actually want all of this to happen which then caused me anxiety thinking about it

anonymous43

Date posted: 2y

@ocdhaver22 Thoughts are weird from the first place. If you have to get to the process to explain those thoughts it means that they are not part of your personality. What we are doesn't usually need to be explained by ourselves. So maybe you got yourself exposed to that thought in a way, maybe hypothetically, and then you felt better. And though it's weird, if you did it alone it means you kind of did ERP by yourself in a weird way. I've done this and it can be twisted so bad. I always exposed myself to my fears in my own way as a reaction to them or something like my survival instict said to me. Since I never had therapy for OCD I tried many things to stop it. Exposing to the thought all by yourself may be very tricky and you shouldn't do it alone. If you said I want to live anyways, then you may expose yourself to your fear. Or if you don't care that much for yourself and what you are going through it can get bad. And then some of the stress goes away and you feel weird because you did it by yourself and it won't be over that easy. It will come back don't worry 😅. Have patience and don't force yourself too much. Give time to the therapy to show progress.

ocdhaver22

Date posted: 2y

@I want my life back thank you so muvh

lu22

Date posted: 24w

Harm ocd come back

Suddenly I started ruminating again but I no longer get bad anxiety over the thoughts but it feels like the ‘urges’ are still there and it’s making it seem more real that these are true. Why am I having urges without the anxiety or it’s weird like i don’t even know when im anxious maybe i got use to the feeling of being anxious but it feels too real and I get these weird thought that are like ‘imagine you was evil anyways’ or ‘imagine you want to be but your in denial’ or the worst makes it feel like you would like acting on the thoughts even if you choose not to do it and it feels really real. The thoughts are about stabbing and it felt so real and I started imaging it on purpose to ‘test’ myself but it doesn’t ever feel like I hate it enough or don’t want it like I feel numb to everything and it feels really real like I want it or do want to do it but I’m just choosing not to and it’s scary but I use to get so much anxiety over this and now nothing now it feels like I don’t even feel like I ‘hate’ it or I should know that I don’t want to do that? Instead of sitting there experimenting with the thoughts to see. I want it to feel like I don’t want it and don’t like it I constantly feel like I’m lying about not wanting this, but it’s concerning me a lot because it feels so real that I like it or want it and there was one point where it felt like it was about to happen and that I wanted it and now that’s made me think there is something wrong with me or that I want to give in to it 🙁 please I don’t belive anything I don’t even belive I am sad it feels so real that it was about to happen or I wanted it and I don’t know what to do I was fine before and suddenly I started ruminating and now this

Catlove9

Date posted: 23w

I need guidance or to feel like I am not alone

I was doing so much better with my OCD. I thought I finally figured it out. However, the last two weeks have been a nightmare. It’s like I went from 0-100 all over again. And it’s become scarier than it ever has been. Every other thought is either causing me anxiety or turning into an intrusive thought. Any headache or feeling of derealization, and I start to spiral. My thoughts are becoming more gruesome and feeling more real. The intrusive urges are so bad it feels like at any moment I could actually just snap. It feels like I am about to go crazy. Another hard aspect is when I’m getting these intrusive urges it feels like I want to do it or I don’t care if I do it. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like this disgusting monster who is just going to lose it and I want it to be over. Why is this happening when I was finally better? It makes me feel like it’s not OCD and I’m actually this person and I’m just holding my true self back. I’m sick to my stomach.

yaya_zz

Date posted: 22w

OCD flaring up

My ocd has been flaring up lately I’ve noticed some things that I don’t know if it’s ocd or something else whenever I seen someone like drugged or sick or just not “normal” I feel like or get scared that’s gonna end up being me? Does that make sense or then after a few minutes I feel like I’m them I don’t know exactly how to explain it I feel like I’m gonna start acting crazy or like I act weird or like them ? Idk exactly how to explain it and I have such a drop in my stomach thinking of it because it makes me feel insane, I haven’t had such an ocd episode so it’s getting hard again and making me feel insane specially because I don’t know how to explain this that I feel, I feel so scared rn can someone please comment on this?

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feeling completely out of it and out of body

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