my ocd experience

my ocd didn’t really get super intense until like late elementary school. i mean, yeah i always kind of had ocd-like tendencies, but enough to really render a diagnosis or any type of note by my parents or doctors. now, bare with me here because this is something i feel like…super alone in experiencing and would love to know if anyone else has struggled with this. so, everyone knows that computers save data right? they save numbers, dates, passwords whatever. well, my ocd circulates around numbers. i’m constantly creating and deleting new accounts. instagram, snapchat, outlook, gmail, you name it. but the thing is, i have to create the accounts and log into the accounts at specific times. my safe numbers are odd numbers, and numbers that end in zero, so this is when i’ll create these accounts. for example, if i were to create an account today (which i never would for a reason i’m about to explain) it would be on the 13th of february 2023. so i would format that as 13 2 23. now the 13 and the 23 are fine. those are odd numbers, but the 2 however, sets of alarms in my head. that means i don’t want to create any new accounts, log in, send messages, do basically anything where some sort of data is saved on this day. now, you may be thinking, this doesn’t seem so bad, just pick odd numbers and that’s where it gets tricky. see, dates flair up the ocd headlights in my mind, but so do times. so again to take the 13th of february again. if i WERE to create an account i would have to take into account the time. so, an ideal time would be 1:00. or maybe 1:01, 1:05, whatever you get it. so to put all that together, the number combination for creating an account today at 1:01 would be: 13 2 23 1 01. and that would be fine were it not for the 2. i feel like this doesn’t seem like super bad ocd, and i know it’s definitely not compared to others, but it does cause it’s fair share of problems. i can never keep 1 email, or 1 snapchat account. i’m constantly switching them in and out, deleting and creating new ones, and when your main form of communication is…well, social media. constantly creating and deleting new accounts becomes extremely frustrating and difficult. am i the only one that’s experienced this? please, anyone who maybe feels the same way or has advice, let me know. i’m desperate and exhausted.

Naelyo

Date posted: 2y ago

I completely know what you mean, I deal with something really similar to this just with different numbers. My safe numbers have reason behind them so I've tried to justify the reason of the unsafe numbers, so I can feel more okay doing actions like this normally. It's still a huge problem but it's helped for me a ton.

2023brownel

Date posted: 2y ago

@Naelyo that makes me feel so much better. i hope everything goes well with you xoxo

Dennasw

Date posted: 17w ago

My first day

Hi I kept seeing this app on repeat on TikTok over and over and I thought I give it a shot. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I know that I have it. I’m a young adult and I found out the first time I had OCD was watching lelelons truth video? I was 14 at the time She had to resist sitting back down in a chair after her having sat down she started having a mental break down when she was told to resist. That’s when I knew. It started with myself going up and down a staircase twice buckling unbuckling my seat belt everytime I’m in the car ect I have always been super anti social but trying my best I can socialize but my mind wants to make it sexual with family and friends ughhhh I hate it because that’s not me when I graduated thoughts of hurting my loved ones corrupted my mind I broke down outside of church one time asking if this was really me or not i question if I’m a good enough friend or person in this world to begin with thinking everyone is judging me so so close how can I make this situation better did I do something wrong I struggle with depression as well not to bad but it’s there I come from a loving family but broken as well i believe in god and my OCD makes me go often he’s not real that stuff isn’t real no one is there to save you the list goes on. Anyway I struggle a lot and I really hope that this will help me because I feel extremely hopeless. Lucky for me I do have the ability to seek therapy and I am excited. The only person I ever tell my thoughts to is God no other human has heard so I’m really really hoping this helps me out if your reading this thank you it means a lot because this is my first time ever admitting all this it’s a lot to take in I know and I hope you are ok and that you have a great night and know that we got this

Wessers19

Date posted: 15w ago

Could being exposed to content as a kid affected me in this way?

Trying not to seek reassurance, but rather connect the dots on my OCD and possible reasons as to why I am the way I am. I have severe OCD (or at least I hope I do) mainly surrounding POCD. I've had symptoms of OCD the majority of my life but this theme has come up more recently. When I was a kid, and i'm talking 6-7, I was first exposed to some really gross adult content online. It was introduced to me by a friend of mine around the same age of me. I saw some really disgusting things that a 6-7 year old should definitely not see. This was not a one time occurrence, as I had been exposed to taboo topics online years to come after that, such as the same friend introducing me to Omegle... And i'm sure you can imagine how that went, theres a lot of genuinely disgusting human beings on there. Coming back to the reason for making this post; is it possible to early exposure to this content could be one of the reasons I struggle with POCD? It genuinely scares me to death because you hear that real p*dos dealt with simular situations when they were kids, so thats kind of making me feel that this could be more than OCD, and I could be a genuinely bad person. My POCD feels so real, that at times i'm fully convinced its not OCD. Sometimes I can't even distinguish the feelings of attraction between a younger person and an older person, except for the feeling of anxiety and fear. Its really hard to explain without going into detail, but it just feels so real. Some feedback on this would be great, thank you all.

Jack03

Date posted: 14w ago

Is this OCD?

Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.

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