OCD is taking over my life..

I was diagnosed with ocd in second grade, I’m 21 now.. it started out with me being a “clean freak” I would have melt downs if things were out of place or order. I would also have to sing the abcs while washing my hands. If I was interrupted, I would have to start over. As I became a teen, depression and anxiety hit. This made me become messy in a way. Things being in order didn’t matter. However, intrusive thoughts and repetitiveness took over my brain. (still struggling with this BAD) for example anytime I cook on the stove, I will look to make sure it’s off what seems to be a thousand times or else the house will burn down or we will get carbon monoxide poisoning and it will be all my fault. I KNOW ITS OFF DEEP DOWN but I can’t stop looking at it because WHAT IF. I have the same problem with social media. I have to have my boyfriend check to make sure I didn’t post anything every time I get on Facebook or Snapchat. My brain tells me I posted a stupid picture or something embarrassing knowing damn well I didn’t. I can’t stop. This takes up my life. It’s so draining. Every little thing I do I overthink. I seen this app on TikTok hoping to find my people. I feel like I’m going crazy..

moonjoy

Date posted: 2y

i feel you. my ocd can be triggered so easily . i followed this page and they had posted something that seriously triggered my ocd thoughts. one of my compulsions are to ask for reassurance and if i dont have it then my mind tells me that my thoughts are true . i dont wanna act on my complusion because ik that will end up making my ocd worse ( because with ocd , no matter how many times u do something, u dont feel relieved as u already know ). i feel so alone, i cant speak to anyone about it because that will only lead into me asking for reassurance. idek what to do.

CatsAreLife12

Date posted: 2y

Yes, this this this. The reassurance. If no one confirms it for me, it takes over my brain. It’s all I can think about. I seriously feel exhausted and drained. And a lot of the time I feel stupid asking for reassurance. I know my significant other gets annoyed at times with me. I’ve never met anyone with OCD like me. People always associate it with cleaning for some reason. They don’t realize there are different types, and that it can change throughout your life. I dont know what to do at this point. No medications are working..

moonjoy

Date posted: 2y

@CatsAreLife12 yeah i 100% get that. i always see people with a cleaning ocd or something similar to it & i cant relate to that. i also understand completely when u said that ur s/o gets annoyed sometimes. it feels so terrible to ask for reassurance and then know that you caused ur partner stress or annoyance. i hate it. but like you said, if i dont get that reassurance then it confirms it in my head. i can barely go places , watch certain things etc because then it has the possibility to trigger my ocd. im trying to do exposure therapy for it, but it’s so hard. i feel drained as well , it’s exhausting never ever feeling relief .

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