new

i dont know what is trigger and what is not so i will just put the warning just incase, i am new here and idk what im doing, ive had therapy before for trauma and major depression and its never really worked for me, it did help me get over the trauma i got from my parents divorce but the depression never got better. ive stopped having therapy for months now and its only gotten worst. now the reason i search for an ocd test was because recently i learned that ocd isnt the stereotype of only being like wanting things neat but it's actually more than that. when i heard it dealt wit intrusive thoughts i was shocked because i always had so many thoughts that made me sad to know i was having those thoughts for example raping someone or doing sexual deeds with a minor or killing something or hurting someone or doing something inappropriate with my younger sister and those thoughts are making me want to kill myself bc i know those thoughts are bad and im just so scared im gonna hurt someone. ive also gotten to a point to where i dont care about myself anymore. the only reason im here is because i just wanted to validate my thoughts and knowing its a disorder makes me feel a bit better. i still dont care about living tho i think that sooner or later these thoughts will just overwhelm me that i will just end my life to end stop my thoughts from playing anymore, im so tired of this i just want it to end

justsomone1

Date posted: 2y

trust me a lot of people go through intrusive thoughts , they’re kinda apart of ocd but a thing to remember is intrusive thoughts are the opposite of your morals.

EHope77

Date posted: 2y

You are definitely not alone! There is help. Glad you are here! I'm new here too, just a couple days ago, and I'm seeing so many stories and symptoms that I can relate to.. even yours.. and all this time I thought I was crazy and that no one would understand. Stay active on here and maybe talk to someone in person that can help you... don't know if you take medication but I think I need to change or adjust mine. I still struggle a lot. Just know that there is hope. You found a good place to start! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Fernando04

Date posted: 2y

@EHope77 are calls via phone number? if so i wont be able to set up a meeting because i dont have phone service, i only have the wifi available to me to be able to use my phone

EHope77

Date posted: 2y

@Fernando04 I'm really not sure.. I've never used the therapists on here, I talk to one locally in my area. Maybe you could reach out to someone locally where you live?

Fernando04

Date posted: 2y

@EHope77 ill try looking later today, its currently 3:20 am, i havent really been having the best sleep schedule lately due to my thoughts

EHope77

Date posted: 2y

@Fernando04 I understand that struggle. 3:20? You must be on the east coast 🙂 it's only 12:20 over here in Oregon. Yes, please reach out to someone, this is SO important. For your health and happiness.

Fernando04

Date posted: 2y

if you actually read it all thank you a way i cope is sharing my thoughts but the fear that even my thoughts can hurt people makes me not share either so they end up hurting me more but sharing this only calmed them not my sadness for having these thoughts

EHope77

Date posted: 2y

Also, I know the feeling of just wanting it to stop.. because you are being tortured. I've been at that place before, it's scary I know.

Legends123.

Date posted: 23w

Please help

Hello everyone, forgive my bad English since it is not my native language, I have been suffering from OCD for 6 years now. It started with being afraid of harming my loved ones and soon it escalated. All of this leads us here towards sexual obsessions. I was abused many times when I was a child. I don't know if that had any impact on my sexual issues. so everything lead up to a intrusive tought of what would happend if i touch myself with a picture of your parents" and I ended up paying attention to the intrusive tought and i ended up doing what my intrusive tought told me so i said to me "OCD would make me touch myself for everything i loved so what, i would do it before the anxiety attacks" and I end up in a spiral of having touched myself by several photos of my family members, friends and even my own therapist all wanting to prevent future compulsions and anxiety now I only think about taking my life, I never wanted that to happen I am not a monster who has sexual desire towards my loved ones I fell under my own intrusive thought and the only thing I think about now is taking my life life for what I've done

samlovesjesus

Date posted: 22w

how do i know if i have OCD?

so this all started not too long ago, for literally no reason at all. but one day i got a random intrusive thought about harming others and it freaked me out bad. since then i’ve been non stop focusing on it and im genuinely scared that i am, or gonna end up like those sick people that have documentaries about them. i’ve never had these types of thoughts before and after me and my mom looked a lot of stuff up we think i have OCD cuz a lot of the stuff it was saying was accurate to me. to anyone in here, does this sound like OCD to you? i’ve always been a nice loving person and these thoughts freak me out so bad and make me feel like i’m a bad gross person. it got to the point i don’t even like looking at myself anymore. i just wanna go back to normal man. another thing to add, when i would explain this to my mom even though i was telling the full truth on how crappy this made me feel it felt like i was lying almost? but i know i wasn’t deep down. i’m just scared that what if i act on something or get in my head too much you know?

laladracu

Date posted: 13w

idk if its harm ocd anymore

I dont know whats going on. I dont know if its OCD anymore. I know it was in the beginning. Ive been through a lot of trauma and had one little scary thought of killing my sister 4 months ago that has blossomed into this giant idea of me being a serial killer and wanting to hurt everyone (I never had any social issues growing up but I have had some trauma). Recently I’ve been having urges to just give in. And my mental images have been horrible and I can’t stop checking if I like them or not. I think I’ve convinced myself I have. This morning I woke up a shaking mess with an urge to unalive my family and when my mom left for work I was alone with my sister and couldnt stop vomiting uncontrollably. I dont know if i’m upset because I cant hurt anyone and I want to, or if I’m scared and just want my old life back. I was an avid horror and gore lover and now I’m convinced I want to do the things I’ve seen in the movies. Someone please help. I’m ready to check into the psych ward.

Harm OCD

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