i am genuinely so ugly. like it’s so bad i cant look at myself in the mirror. i got dressed up for family and i just hate everything about myself. im so scared im going to hurt somebody out of this strong hatred of myself. i just want to feel good about myself again. i don’t know what to do. i keep getting irritated with my family and im so worried i’ll hurt them and snap. i want this to stop i cant live like this
i wrote something very similar to this in my notes a few years ago. why do you think you’re so ugly? do you compare yourself to others a lot ? is there a specific ‘way’ you’d like to look? what does that look like? why? remember that nobody is born hating themselves, it’s something you learn.
I’m so sorry for the internal struggle you’re facing. Appearance can be a battle, comparing or trying to look a certain way to feel loved will always have us feel empty. I’m sorry for the family struggles, often pausing and acknowledging it’s just irritation and and then forgiving them or changing our attitude and moving past it is all that needs to happen, but OCD convinces us that it will go to an extreme.
Thank you for a sharing your story. It must be so difficult for you. OCD will take hold when we are vulnerable and it sounds like this is what is happening here. I am not a therapist, but I would think it would be important to address the self hatred issue first and then work on the ocd from there. Again, this is my opinion as I am not professionally trained. Here is one piece of advice that I would give - you fear that you will hurt your family - and that is always a possibility - but OCD cannot make you act outside of your values. So, when you get intrusive thoughts about hurting your family try to acknowledge the thought as intrusive and let it be - it is just a thought - and thoughts do not represent the truth.
Harm ocd has made me feel ugly before
I have obsessions about my appearance that I am ugly. I check my face in the mirror and seek reassurance from others. I am constantly comparing myself to my friends and thinking they’re so beautiful and I am disgusting. It’s so hard to not hate myself when I feel like this :(
i wanna fucking scream and cry over my intrusive thoughts. it's incredibly disturbing and won't stop. i can't stop it. i can't not perform a compulsion(every though it only makes them worse, and i can't ignore it. i hate this. i hate myself. i just want to go to sleep without thinking about this please. i feel so sick and ashamed of myself. i'm genuinely so scared i'm gonna hurt someone. idk what to do anymore. i just want help.
i feel so fucking trapped i feel so clueless what to do because ive been eatinf for the past 3 days and i feel like im not supposed to and im gaining weight even though im walking 9 miles a day and i dont know what to do because i’m doing everything i fucking can to lose weight and nothings working and im so terrified and i wish i could tell someone in my family and i just woke up to check my weight and i’m barely less lbs than yesterday and i HAVE to be losing weight or im doing something wrong and i am but its barely anything and im just so obsessed with calories and im starting to get obsessed with macros and its so fucking bad and i just feel myself falling deeper into the hole and i cant do anything about it. im crying so hard because im so tired of living like this constantly with no one close ro talk to about it. im having a hard time working out lately since its so cold out and so i have to use the treadmill inside but my ocd makes me constantly paranoid if people in my house can hear me or see me on the treadmill and im on it for like 2+ hours so i want to skip doing it because im constantly checking behind me and i cant ljsten to music when i have to check if people are coming out of their bedrooms but i cant take a break from working out since i know im gaining weight for some reason. i just wish i fasted those days i told myself i should have eaten. im so mad at myself for everything and i wish my body made sense to me. im going to kbbq tonight and its why im having this breakdown because i should be losing weight but its gonna make me gain weight. i dont want to go i really really dont want to go but i cant tell my friend that. i just dont want to go to any social outings ever again because they all make me gain weight. im so scared i dont know what to do i just want to go back to starving myself because its the safest option. im so sick of seeing the number on the scale go up and i just feel so fucking defeated
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