Feeling overwhelmed by self-hatred and fearing it will affect my family.

I have obsessions about my appearance that I am ugly. I check my face in the mirror and seek reassurance from others. I am constantly comparing myself to my friends and thinking they’re so beautiful and I am disgusting. It’s so hard to not hate myself when I feel like this :(

not THAT OCD related, but i’m so tired of looking in the mirror and picking apart the things that i feel are wrong with myself. after my first session with my therapist, she said i also have body dysmorphic disorder, which is commonly seen in people who have OCD. i’m not a person who cries easily, but this problem i have within myself almost brings me to tears often and eats at me every single day. i cant enjoy simple things without being fixated on how i look/my appearance while doing them. if i’m swimming in the pool, i’m thinking about how my face looks with my hair wet and get uncomfortable when i feel like someone is looking at me for too long. i feel uncomfortable in rooms with certain lighting. i adjust the angle or position my body is at while interacting with other people just because i’m concerned with how they’re seeing me. just a rant, feeling really defeated.

i wanna fucking scream and cry over my intrusive thoughts. it's incredibly disturbing and won't stop. i can't stop it. i can't not perform a compulsion(every though it only makes them worse, and i can't ignore it. i hate this. i hate myself. i just want to go to sleep without thinking about this please. i feel so sick and ashamed of myself. i'm genuinely so scared i'm gonna hurt someone. idk what to do anymore. i just want help.