Another boy turned me on today instead of my bf and I’m scared that means something

I've been married 10 years and that is indicative that you are a human being with eyes.

Of course. Not frequently, but occasionally. And yes, we are in a happy, healthy, monogamous relationship. We very much love each other and have four kids. We don't watch, read, or browse porn together or separately...but sometimes I find myself attracted to someone. Because I am a human female with eyes. It's just what our bodies do. And it means nothing. Because my husband is the best guy in the whole darn world. We have seen it all together and I wouldn't trade him for the world. Feelings of list have nothing do do with love and there is nothing wrong, unless you act on them. For example, pursue an affair or find yourself fantasizing about that person and how much better your relationship would magically be with them.

Feelings of *lust not list. ?

Hi sweet potato you maybe able to help me with my partner,she finds herself contacting ex partners.She tells me which is great she says she doesn’t want to but can’t help it.Is this just me been insecure or should I be concerned? She does say honesty is a big thing but sometimes I’m not shaw if she lying how does ocd work in that regard?

Thanks for replying seeetpotato,her ex partners one has moved on and has another partner but she had a long relationship with him.The other one she knows it was just a bad relationship but still finds saying he was so attractive.With me she says she has found someone who keeps her balanced and that I’m good for her.I do no she tests me and that she is a jealous person who thinks I look at other women when we are out.Just don’t if she would cheat or not?

I find it extremely odd that she is not willing to let go of the past relationships to further her relationship with you. She seems insecure about her current and past relationships and like someone who doesn't trust easily... which is fine...but it's manipulative of her to put you through trying situations to satisfy her own anxiety. There is a great chart on this page: https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/ Is she using any of these techniques to control you? Often people who come from dysfunctional relationships, repeat what they know. She, to me, sounds manipulative and controlling. To say that she fears you will cheat, but spends time on talking to ex's seems very manipulative and one-sided.

Your correct she has always had dysfunctional relationships which is why she finds it’s different with me. I have been thinking about saying to her you need to let go of the past but with her ocd and me still trying to understand ocd,don’t no if it’s the right thing to do. She truly is a wonderful person but when the anxiety kicks in that’s when it gets difficult.

Checking you is an OCD compulsion, but contacting ex's is an uncomfortable choice. She needs to choose to move on. Is she receiving treatment? Do you have OCD, too?

I don’t have ocd she has told me she has it,has been to rehab 3 times but only once was it successful for her. I am slowly trying to get us both to go and see someone,that is why I’m here trying to see if it can help me help her and find out more about ocd. You and the stories I have read are helping me and thank you all for this. Is the checking me compulsion a good thing?

It is not what is recommended for OCD remission. Essentially it's seeing if there's a problem. Over and over. I will try to explain and hopefully I can get it to make sense. I have contamination OCD, but have definitely had relationship OCD, but find that part of my OCD is in remission. So checking can be detrimental. The following are deeply exaggerated examples, but they can absolutely happen... If I wash my hands after scooping a cat litter box, that's normal. If I shut off the sink and think, "did I scrub under my nails?" And rewash my hands because I doubt myself, that's OCD. I may repeat this process many times. Did I clean around my wrists? Did I need antibacterial soao? Was the water hot enough? Did I bump the inside of the basin where my germs were just rinsed off, contaminating me again? And as I repeat these washes in the quest for absolutely certainty there is no bacteria on me, I develop systems that my brain genuinely thinks are protecting me. So, in an evolved form of hand washing rituals may now REQUIRE that I wash my hands for 45 seconds in scalding water, 6 times, with antibacterial soap, and a scrub brush, up to my elbows. Afterwards I have to change my clothing in case the cat litter dust got on my clothes and shower, in case it's anywhere else. Now, that tells my brain that those processes are NECESSARY for protection and after I scoop cat litter, it's the ONLY way to be sure I'm safe. But OCD never stops in it's absolute quest for perfectionism and certainty, so pretty soon, I cannot pet the cat, touch what the cat has touched, and I cannot bear to think of how the cat's bacteria may kill me or my housemates, so I give it away. And the OCD thinks, "Yes. I certainly saved you from cats. Let's never go anywhere with cats again. Cats are now incredibly deadly." SO, all OCD is the "same meal, different gravy," a quote from the "OCD Stories Podcast," which is incredibly true. Relationship OCD is no different. We find and reinforce our fears by checking. My husband is T. My OCD might say, "Does T really love me?" So I check his body language. His attention. What is he tuned in to? And I think, "I saw I really held his attention, but didn't he joke with the waitress? She was a blonde and I'm not." So I show T random pictures of blondes while we're watching "Stranger Things" and ask if I should change my hair. And he says, "That would be cute on you." Well, now my OCD says, T prefers blondes and since you are obviously not his type, he cannot love you. NOW, I really need to check. I search his Facebook. And it looks like he has blonde friends who like his posts. My goodness Kelly is blonde and good-looking. I bet he's sleeping with Kelly. Now I am worried about an imaginary blonde obsession, a sham of a relationship, and an imaginary affair. My OCD convinces me that if I had not done all this checking I would never have found the "truth." Which is untrue, but instead just a crappy series of things to worry about. OCD essentially creates horrible conspiracy theories and the more you check them, the more evidence you find. The clinically proven methodologies to rid ourselves are ERP and some find ACT to be incredibly helpful. I really like Jon Hershfield, Mindfullness for OCD workbook, because it has lists of symptoms that very much so helped me identify what type (s) of OCD I have and what I have had in the past. Shayla Nicely's book, "Is Fred in the Refrigerator," was super helpful, too. And of course, "The OCD Stories Podcast." I hope that helps and is coherent. If you have more questions, please ask!

I don’t fantasize but I find myself checking my feelings to see if I can imagine doing stuff and if not I’m like ok then it doesn’t matter

Wait, tones...her own ex partners? Or yours? What is her reasoning?

I don't know if your lady friend went to an OCD rehab facility or if that was for other reasons, but she may need support from a qualified therapist to help guide her away from her OCD compulsions.

Yes that does help thanks. What you have said has just reinforced that she does need help. Had been to rehab for alcoholism but has had CBT treatment as well.I have been reading about ERP and think this is what she may need but really just trying to get her to try again and me there as well so I understand. My biggest problem is how to say it without her thinking I’m pushing her to much,which she has said to me don’t push.But then comes around and says yes I know. So yes if you could help me with some ideas on how better to approach her with Q that would be appreciated.Thanks again

I'm going to sleep on this tonight. I married a "don't nag me" guy and it took me a long time to get him to go to therapy for his own stuff. I totally get being concerned and worried that the person will hate that you are concerned.

I’m so glad you posted this!! This happens to me to

Does this happen to you?

It happens to me, a lot. And I’m also married.

And u love ur husband and have healthy relationship?

I get turned on so easily. I’m afraid I’m going to cheat again ?