ROCD makes me feel ungrateful

Why is it that when you're in a loving and healthy relationship with someone who has the qualities you've been waiting for , for so long, and treats you like gold, that you still have to be nitpicky about superficial things and still doubt if you are truly in love? This is me I'm describing. I fear the commitment of marriage, yet I have all I've waited for right in front of me. Wh y does my mind make me question such an amazing relationship and get me stuck on flaws in my partners appearance? I hate ROCD and its mind games!!

Relationship OCD

Username: Sunshine_:)Sunshine_:)

Date posted: 1y ago

I have suffered from it too. I will say one thing (and remind yourself of this too) OCD attacks people or things we deeply care about. So usually the opposite of the OCD thought is true. In this case, you are aware that your partner has all the qualities you want, so your OCD is playing games and oftentimes it feels sooo real (I still struggle a lot with OCD in diff forms). It is normal to be afraid of commitment to marriage since that is normally an anxiety inducing decision. Just remind yourself that grass is always greener on the other side! And if you marry someone and things go south (I am not saying that will happen) you do have the option to divorce. Based on what you have said so far, it seems that your partner is great and you value them a lot!

Username: huma (home-ah)huma (home-ah)

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Yes, exactly! You clearly don’t want to have these OCD thoughts. That’s good!!!

Username: Stacy QuickStacy Quick

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 1y ago

OCD is a very mean disorder. Remember that it is the doubting disorder. It will insert doubt and uncertainty into every important area in your life. Have you done any ERP about this fear? Just remember that feelings can be wrong, just because OCD makes you doubt your feelings doesn't mean they are true or not true. This will pass- hang in there. And think about ERP because it can be a real game changer!

Username: Sunshine&flowers7Sunshine&flo...

Date posted: 1y ago

Yes, I tried looking at an unflattering photo of my boyfriend. I also wrote a script about the possibility of never being head over heels in love with him and going into a marriage with him possibly never feeling head over heels in love and feeling unsatisfied in the marriage. Are these the type of exercises that are good for this issue?

Username: Stacy QuickStacy Quick

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 1y ago

@Sunshineflowers7 - These can be good, but honestly its so hard to develop specific exposures without working with someone. I think that the biggest thing I would say is to make sure you are doing response prevention- not engaging in compulsions- you must change how you normally respond- that is the biggest part of ERP. I am so glad that you are trying this though, good for you. You can do this.

Username: huma (home-ah)huma (home-ah)

Date posted: 1y ago

I feel similarly!!! After so much abuse, I thought I’d never find what I have with my partner now. And I was fine with that! I was fine with being on my own. Then he changed my life the way he loves me. But ROCD also makes me nitpick and question and test him over and over again, too. It causes us both so much pain, but he’s still here after more than two years and committed completely, regardless of the symptoms. ROCD’s mind games are horribly painful. But am I wrong to say it might be the mind and body trying to protect us? Even if they both are trying in a way that’s, well… misguided. You’re not alone at ALL! We are strong and we can do this—plenty of people have had this same struggle and have made it through and live happily with their partners. If they can do it, why wouldn’t we be able to? You’ve got this!!!

Username: OneDayAtATimeOneDayAtATime

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@huma (home-ah) Well said

Username: Sunshine&flowers7Sunshine&flo...

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you all for the support! It means alot!

Username: Honeyshark Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Agreed. It tries to ruin wonderful stuff

Username: Louise b

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

ROCD

I always wonder “what if I’m not attracted to my partner” “what if I still have feelings for other people” “what if I cheated on my partner” “what if my partner cheats on me” “what If my partner annoys me and I don’t actually want to be with him” and I’ll do this so much over and over that I get so worked up I’ll criticize him, over analyze him, feel as though I don’t like him. But then an hour later after I find relief ( from telling him, looking things up, talking to my sisters about it) I’ll be in love with him but I won’t fully feel it because I’ll just be thinking about how I just felt before and how bad it was or anticipate it again for the future. So I’m constantly ruining it for myself, and it hurts so bad because he’s so perfect for me and so kind to me and everything about our relationship is right but my mind tries to convince me of other things and it feels so real.

Relationship OCD

Username: Anonymous_co...

Date posted: 38w ago

ROCD? Please read 🙏

I’m so terrified that my feelings are not a product of ROCD and are actually real. They feel real, I think they are, and it makes me mad because I just want to be in a happy relationship but then I have a really real thought that picks apart every aspect of my partner: what he looks like, how he sounds, how he acts, how weird he is, his intelligence, his emotional state, etc. recently it’s been really sad because I feel critical towards him doing normal things like feeling exited, or trying to be funny, or making jokes, or even him being vulnerable and crying. I feel so judgemental and it feels so real, like that’s how I really feel, and maybe I do think he’s a little weird but I don’t want that to stop me from loving him. And I feel like it’s bad for be to think and feel all these things. I don’t want to let these thoughts take over my life and ruin all the growth that him and I have done together, but it honestly feel like that’s how I really feel some days, and idk if it’s ROCD.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 14w ago

ROCD

Anybody with ROCD question if it’s really ROCD or if you are in a “bad” relationship compared to your friends? ( I know comparison is an exacerbating habit for ocd). I feel great with partner and then maybe remeber any negatives and ignore the positives about our dynamic. I’ll latch onto something he said that hurt my feelings and wonder if I’m in an abusive relationship and spiral. I’ll totally ignore anything nice he’s ever done and convince myself I’m in a mediocre relationship. I’ll assume he should be texting me more and express his feelings towards me more. Anyone else?

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ROCD makes me feel ungrateful

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