scared i enjoy people in pain

Last night my dad was crying because my parents recently seperated and it affected me a lot my ocd came back and I saw my dad crying and I got a thought like “he’s so dumb” and I was omg why did I think that do I like seeing him sad or what if I don’t care :( our minds are our worse enemies but it does get better

OCD is ego-dystonic, meaning the thoughts go against our morals and cause us distress. The only way we can take our power back from these thoughts is by accepting uncertainty; maybe you do enjoy people in pain, maybe you don’t. Maybe you will react poorly when/if something happens to your mother, maybe you won’t. But no amount of ruminating or trying to predict will get you closer to certainty. We can’t predict the future! I know it’s scary, but do your best to live in the “what is” and not the “what ifs”. You love your Mom, so continue on loving her despite your fears. Are you in therapy for OCD? If not, I recommend giving NOCD a call for their free consultation. They’re so helpful and it’s good to have support while you do Exposure Response Prevention therapy (the gold standard for OCD treatment).

Omg I’ve had the same problem with my ocd because of this and it’s starting to come back again you aren’t the only one I promise we have to accept uncertainty as hard as it is we will never have an answer

I know this is so so hard. Pleas know that you are not alone. OCD can be very mean and a bully. Remember like Amber below commented, when you have OCD, the intrusive thoughts are ego-dystonic, they go against what you value and your true self. That being said, OCD will never allow you to feel certain enough, it will always have one more what if or question. The key is to allow the anxiety and distress, and not do compulsions, don't avoid looking at her when she is in pain, let the emotions pass on their own- thoughts do not have to have meaning. You can do this.