Relationship advice

Hello. I really need some advice :( so I was in a relationship with someone I was friends with for over 4 years and we ended up breaking up because my ocd was rlly bad/I was controlling and harming their mental health. A few months later we are friends and she keeps hanging out with this roomate who did weird stuff while we dated and I always felt weird about. She’s told me it’s because she has no one else to hang out with and she’s in a new city alone. But I find it super hard to not feel so hurt by it every time (it tears me apart) and when I bring it up she gets super anxious and feels controlled. We agreed to keep a door open for a potential future relationship and this situation makes me want to close it and it’s just so painful. I don’t know what to do/or if I’m in the wrong. Please help.

Username: sjsmith98

Date posted: 71d ago

Hello, I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's always hard, especially since you were friends with her for so long too. I think it depends on what the weird stuff was, and if it's truly something you aren't comfortable with, it is okay to step back. I suppose what I mean is do you think that you'd be okay to possible forgive and forget what that person did and that it's okay that they're hanging out? It's okay if your answer is no, but it's important to figure out yourself. I guess what I'm trying to say is you're allowed to feel uncomfortable for them hanging out, just like it could be okay for them to hang out. You need to decide if this relationship is something you truly think you should keep in your life or if it's hurting you too much, or maybe closing the door on a romantic relationship and only being friends could be the key. As long as you are honest and communicative I think that's what matters. You have to keep yourself in mind and be true to you. Easier said then done especially with OCD. Sorry if this was kind of rambly. I hope it was at least coherent! Even if it doesn't work out the way you hope today, I hope whatever happens ends up being good for you down the road.

Username: sjsmith98

Date posted: 71d ago

I'd also like to say I'm bisexual and all of my relationships have been long distance (sounds like yours is now maybe?). I think for us it's really hard to let someone go because it's really hard to find someone, but letting someone go even if it's just the romantic aspect of your relationship can be really freeing, and you'll find someone else later down the road that it'll work out. There's so many people you've yet to meet and fall in love with romantically or otherwise. Nothing is the end all be all and you're growing and moving to where you need to be in life every day 😊💕