Does anyone else just feel angry all day or all the time when starting your ocd journey? Like knowing you don’t really want to be doing the things you end up doing and knowing that a lot of times it can be or feel futile and what’s even the point of trying?
Absolutely! When I was first starting out I felt so resentful bc I thought that my fears would come true regardless of what I did. It felt like things won’t get any better and you’ll always feel hopeless, but I promise this isn’t true. I’m in better place now than when I started, but it took some time and patience along the way. Despite how hard it is right now, I know you will get there. Stay strong 💗
Recently ive been getting very scared to even be angry (i try to avoid even being angry if i can!) bc of the horrible thoughts I have and it feels even more real when I'm angry or even annoyed. I've been hyperfocusing on my bodily reactions (mainly my hands or how I'm feeling like did I just enjoy that? Was I considering? Did it just move? Why is it tingly? Why did it twitch?) And I've noticed the small twitches whenever I'm mad or annoyed and it's scaring me so bad! Like do I want to act out? Am I holding back? Is this an indication i was about to do something or will in the future? I used to not even twitch at all when mad and I felt 100% sure I'll never act out but now it feels like I don't even know anymore bc of these twitches. Im so afraid! What I do know is I don't want to ever act out (idea is distressing not appealing) but it's so scary like why did i twitch or was i about to act out? Im scared these are real urges and i research for many many hours to make sure they arent real urges or impulses and i also tend to ask ai or here if the anxiety gets so bad. Like how do I know of this is actually a serious concern and I should be very worried???
I find while doing exposures, rarely does my anxiety lessen. It usually amps up and stays that way for the remainder of the day. I could be having a fairly decent day, but dutifully do my exposures and then the rest of my day is anxiety filled. I guess that’s just how it is now? Also, I’m wondering if my therapist even believes I have OCD. I totally understand my therapist cannot provide reassurance. But it’s to the point it seems my therapist acts like I actually did the thing I fear. I feel so isolated.
Hey guys just wondering if anyone suffers from this type of OCD. I feel a big struggle to even begin things because it doesn’t feel right or if I resume things it doesn’t feel right. Anyone have any advice ? Thank you
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