When will I be okay again?

Currently crying right now after my shift at work. OCD is transitioning myself into someone I don’t want to be, yet I’m afraid to not have it in my life because when things are feeling okay, it doesn’t feel right, even when I should crave it more than anything. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel life won’t go my way or I don’t see myself being in a good place. I just see myself losing everything I love and care about because either ocd has caused me to distance myself from those things or others just decide to separate themselves from me. At the end of the day, I’m going to end up alone and miserable, and I don’t know why I’m okay with that, but I am. I’m so frustrated with myself and conflicted. Fuck this. I have so much more life ahead of me and I fucken feel stuck and crippled bc of ocd. A 21 year old shouldn’t have to go through this. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANYTHING NEGATIVE OR HARMFUL. I’m tired of all the bad. I want more good… I want to be better… I want to be me again. I want to love life, others and myself again.

Username: Cnnn2Cnnn2

Date posted: 1y ago

i remember feeling this exact feeling, feeling like i’ll never be okay again but i can tell you that things did get much better for me i’m not sure if i’m reassuring you but i’ve been in that place where i’ve felt like things won’t ever get better and they did i started to learn to cope with it there’s good days and bad days but mostly good days for me again and i’m sure you’ll get there too!! you got this!

Username: 3rdoct@k43rdoct@k4

Date posted: 1y ago

I feel what you’re going through. For the longest time, I had those feelings. As an 18 year old, it’s hard living life when you’re in a constant cycle of doubt or fear. I’ve had this constant thought of I’m supposed to be enjoying my life and I have so much ahead of me, but why am I going through this and feeling so shitty. But trust me, it will get better. All you have to do is accept the shitty feelings and terrible thoughts. Observe your body and mind. It took that one sitting of me just simply observing that high anxiety state (me feeling hella depressed, nauseous, dizzy, my heart racing, instructive thoughts, etc.) for me to realize that accepting is key. Because once you do, you realize that you’re fighting with your mind and not being in the present. All those catastrophic events that you’re thinking of is all a possibility, not a reality. So allow yourself to feel the anxiety, because from what I see after accepting, is that a lot of people have the same thoughts. They just choose to live on. I hope this helps

Username: 3rdoct@k43rdoct@k4

Date posted: 1y ago

@3rdoct@k4 Also, don’t chase being okay or good again. Because you’re essentially putting yourself in that loop again of “present me was perfect, so I have to obsess over getting rid of OCD and the thoughts to reach my past self”. I struggled with this, but once I reached that next level of “I can definitely love with OCD” it definitely lifted a burden off my shoulders.

Username: Green DragonGreen Dragon

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m just starting this as well and I’m feeling low as well. I’ll tell you what I’m telling myself. Trust in the system. That’s the best I have right now as things are very bad. Thank you for writing. My hopes lifted knowing that someone else is fighting the same enemy. Maybe for right now you try to be strong for me and I’ll try to be strong for you. But you are right this sucks.

Username: notmyocd1notmyocd1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

you explained that so well, when i’m doing ok i keep questioning it.

Username: Make the mos...

Date posted: 3y ago

I don’t know if I’m ever going to get better, if I’m ever going to feel good, if I’m ever going to be able to carry on with this 10 years down the road. It’s torture with no exit, for me recently. Every time I bring up my OCD around family, they get annoyed. I can’t go to friends because it has only been of temporary relief. I am literally tearing up as I write this. I’m afraid I’m so close to convincing myself of the horrible lies my OCD has been telling me. I just can’t, I don’t know if there’s anyone or thing that can make me feel better. It’s been like lifting gigantic boulder up a steep mountain the entire day—and I could be crushed by it if not careful. If there is a god, why must he put me through this? I have already been through some many enough hard times in life, this OCD has only magnified any insecurities, anxieties, feeling of loneliness, self hate, and negative emotions.

Username: weregonnabeokay

Date posted: 46w ago

💔

sometimes when I read all these posts I just start crying 😭😭 I hate that we are all suffering like this… ocd is not for the weak and its so frustrating 😭 Im really tired honestly… my ocd has its good and bad days but im just exhausted by all of it. I cant enjoy simple things because my ocd has to overcomplicate every little thing and create these “signs” as to what I am and what I am not. Ive had ocd for over a year now im a just upset 😭😭😭 I dont want to live like this forever… I have a lot of people who say, “you can talk to me if you want” and its really sweet 💓 but I dont think anyone can understand what I am feeling because even I cant… I dont know what im doing- how im feeling- who I am- or even what my values are 😭 ocd just makes me question everything. I am a 14 year old girl 😭😭😭 how am I supposed to know what to do? Ive talked mom about my ocd a few times and she tries to help but she doesn’t even understand 1/5th of what I go through daily. I appreciate her caring even if its a little but I just want some help 😭😭 I am a bit scared of therapy though. But im willing to try but im not sure if my mom will let me… Ocd just makes me feel so unlovable. I hate it.

Username: Ocdsucks56

Date posted: 23w ago

OCD

I feel really lost in life, I don’t recognize my self, I’m 23 years old and about a year and a half ago my HARM OCD started and it’s all I think about all day, I have this weird feeling. I know it gets better because it got better about a year ago but this time it came back stronger, I don’t what to do, like I know I don’t want to become this person but my brain is telling me that I won’t get better and to not get therapy nor do anything to make it better because I am a bad person. I want a happy life without these thoughts. I have the most disturbing thoughts and I just feel sick all the time and I don’t know how I’m able to live like this. It’s been a month since it came back and I’ve been surviving somehow. I can’t even look someone in the eyes because my ocd will say that I wanna hurt them and I desire it but I DO NOT WANT TO BECOME THIS PERSON. I hope it gets better because I’m afraid going to hurt my self in order for my thought to end since it will be the only way to protect others.

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