I don’t know anymore. Pls help.

Yesterday morning was such a great day I wasn’t having as many intrusive thoughts and for once I felt normal I legit almost wanted to cry and thanked god because for once it all fault clear and as the day progressed I was feeling awful and uncertain. Now I’m stressed that I don’t feel anything because of my intrusive thoughts but my body is still reacting (groinal response) I’m stressed out that I’ve probably convinced myself I’m an actual p***. I’m 100% convinced I’ll do something bad if left alone with a kid and I’m stressing out. How do I know I’m not a p*** in denial??? I know I don’t want to do these things but it feels like I do. Why don’t I feel anything anymore? Has the anxiety become so overwhelming that my emotions have completely shut down? I feel like a person who has no emotions which isn’t like me. This doesn’t feel real.

POCD

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

You are not alone with this terrible theme. I have questioned myself and then get very emotional and sad that I could never trust myself to be around my nieces and nephew, or any other kid. But of course, I refuse to let OCD win! I’m aware it’s OCD. Always sit with that awareness. We care so much. Eventually those thoughts will dissipate. When I get a thought, I do what others have said, give it less thought and meaning. I also do ERP. I make it an effort to go out and be around and sit with the uncomfortableness. One of my favorite health experts, Anthony Williams, came out with a book on the brain, and he said, people who have OCD are one of the most harmless individuals and research has time again proven that. You have this theme because you value children and fear of being a P. I fear the same too. It’ll too shall pass.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@nomocdplz That can happen. It’s happened to me. I just remind myself that my body is reacting to the thought as the topic is related to sex, as going back to awareness that it’s due to OCD. Groinal responses happen and that’s okay. They say that there is no cure for OCD. Based on my experience, I have gone 14 years without POCD thoughts and it was just recently where they started popping up again. I am now, slowly but surely going back to my normal self. OCD is the worst because you’ll literally self-deny, self-doubt, and so many more self loathing feelings before getting better, but then it’s all change. Everyone is different! This was just mine. If you can, therapy does wonders! I didn’t have that 14 years ago and now I have more resources and access to communities like these. It definitely helps!

Username: 💟💟

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm going through the same thing, ocd is so powerful and so misunderstood even by professionals. We're in the same boat, we aren't alone. You're going to be ok ❤

Username: tsukiyomi288tsukiyomi288

Date posted: 1y ago

If you feel disgusted by it, and hate the way you feel, you’re not a p***. They do not feel shame or guilt

Username: Jtsuz145Jtsuz145

Date posted: 1y ago

@tsukiyomi288 What if you don’t even know what you feel anymore though?

Username: 0.00.0

Date posted: 1y ago

I think sometimes I get in the same place as you where a day is going good and almost no intrusive thoughts have been on mind but then I still get groinal responses so I’m like what if I’m just in denial? And I start kind of spiraling out to where I wonder what if I ever hurt a kid? I get really scared that it’d ever get to that because I don’t want that to happen but in my head I still wonder what’ll happen if it does get to the point? I’m sorry I know it’s really especially because I’m scared I’m one in denial or my brains just been trying to convince me that I am one

Username: co653

Date posted: 25w ago

giving up

constant intrusive thoughts, constant groinal responses. couldn’t even watch a video on TikTok of a toddler throwing a fit bc she opened her legs and immediately my pocd acted up. it gives me groinal responses, bad thoughts, and feelings of anxiety, fear , and shame. I hate this. How do I get through life like this? I can’t even imagine being a teacher or a parent, because the next thought that comes is images of me hurting children. thoughts of “ur a p, ur destined to be a p, ur gonna eventually end up hurting a kid” “ur only freaking out because u know u will be shunned” I hate this. The thoughts go into so much detail and feel so real. No matter what I say or do, it argues back and convinces me im a p. Everytime I see children, anywhere, I can’t stand it because of this. I’m scared to have kids out of fear I will hurt them and do something bad to them for my own pleasure. I feel like one day im just gonna snap and hurt kids. I can’t take this at all. It feels so real. I don’t know what to do. I am crying as I am writing this. The groinal responses feel like actual arousal. I feel so angry, and sad, at the world and myself. I am scared and I think I am actually a p, and instead should get help for that instead of ocd. I don’t know what else to do

Username: Rockerstar

Date posted: 19w ago

someone please just respond

I dont know anymore, just a minute ago I was sure I wasn't this person but now I feel like I really am this person. The thing that puts the cherry on top is that it doesn't feel like how it use to feel when I was suffering from pocd a few months ago, I remember I had so much anxiety and I would wake up with such a heavy heart and scream and cry because of it but now it feels like I feel nothing. It feels like maybe this is the person I always was while making me think I like these things, I never wanted to be a pedo I never want to hurt babies and children I never wanted to end up like those predators on Quora that will only ever feel loved by a touch of a child.. I want to be a good person and not only by my actions but who I am mentally. I keep ruminating on thoughts like this asking my self over and over if im attracted to them or do I find it hot and sometimes I wouldn't even be sure and it just feels like I am, or I would have a thought and I would feel sensation down there (I don't act on anything by the way) it would feel uncomfortable for the most part but then sometimes I feel like I like it deep down. I remember I read somewhere where this guy randomly started being attracted to minors and how much he enjoyed fantasizing about it, and im scared that I might turn into that guy.. I know I dont fantasize about it and im honesty worried that I will. Then I read somewhere that ocd can cause feelings that aren't true but how do I know that it isn't true, how do I know that this isn't who I am deep down, how do I know if im just in denial or not because just a minute ago I was crying a little but even through my tears it feels like a lie. People tell me that its okay and that im not one but I dont know if I can believe them anymore because there will always be something in my mind telling me that everything people say to me and that the person who I was before this was all just some lie, who even am I.

Username: niknicole

Date posted: 8w ago

._.

Everything feels so real. I think learning about non-offending pedophiles has really screwed with me. I feel like I’m not even doing compulsions anymore like I genuinely cannot remember if I do them or not and the groinal responses are messing with me. I keep having intrusive dreams and I’m in that half asleep state and I feel nothing after that or I feel weird like a good weird, I don’t know. It’s a really weird feeling when I get those thoughts but I don’t like them, I don’t think. All I know is, I keep seeking reassurance and I feel like I don’t have OCD because the way I feel, like the way I get worked up isn’t the same as others. Whenever I try to watch a show, like 9-1-1 or daily dose of sunshine, I feel like I’m watching something I shouldn’t be. Or if I’m just on my phone, I feel like something is going to happen. I feel red flags whenever I’m on my phone, like somehow cp will appear. I know that OCD is the doubting disorder but my god, this is just crazy. I feel like I’m going crazy. Everything is just nonstop, it’s so constant and I’m genuinely scared that I’ll do something when I get out of my room. I don’t know anymore, this whole OCD thing is just making me lose my mind.

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I don’t know anymore. Pls help.

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