miss down bad !!

Date posted: 2y

secretly a bad person (TW / LONG)

i don’t even think i really have ocd anymore i think i’ve genuinely just become a bad person, It’s really scary and I keep thinking back on how long i’ve struggled with my POCD symptoms and how because i’ve struggled for so long without getting real help i feel like i’ve actually come close to doing some vile stuff and it terrifies me. Like just now i when watching my brother i was taking something away from him that he wasn’t supposed to have, and he was sitting near my private area and i felt tempted to push his hand onto it and i feel like i almost gave in dkdkkdkd I’m so confused on if i’m supposed to voice my concerns to someone or not because i don’t want to hurt anyone but i feel like i might one day i feel like i can’t move on without confessing all of my worries to see if i’m actually a bad person and deserve punishment it haunts me so much i just feel like a zombie at this point

GM1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Ocd can often come in urges. It’s your ocd not you. But I know how you feel

miss down ba...

Date posted: 2y

@GM1 tysm but i’m not even sure atp :(( even when i don’t have urges i want to do it and the fact that i don’t feel scared about it because of my medication scares me

GM1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@miss down bad !! Ocd can play cruel tricks on us, making think we want these things but in reality it’s just trying to grad a hold on us

miss down ba...

Date posted: 2y

@GM1 i sure hope it’s a trick 😭😭 because it feels really real and i think it might be, should i tell my mom about this? i feel like she’d be able to help but i know for sure id make her feel worse than she already does with my confessing

miss down ba...

Date posted: 2y

@miss down bad !! she’s already going through a lot so i don’t want to be a burden but i feel like i’m losing it

GM1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@miss down bad !! That’s a tricky question to answer because you can get stuck in the cycle of confessing but I also understand how hard it can be to not confess

GM1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@miss down bad !! In my experience I did confide with my mom about certain thoughts but most of it was in regards to a heavier topic

Chihuahuapri...

Date posted: 2y

@miss down bad !! I don’t struggle with POCD but my medication is making me feel numb and not scared of my intrusive thoughts too, I’m so sorry lovely I know how scary it is. Sending hugs 💜

Mon7

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

You are not a bad person. Its your ocd, its your brain. Its not real.

miss down ba...

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous is it okay if i ask how do u know it’s ocd for sure? i don’t want to reassurance seek but i feel like i have so much evidence atp i don’t think i can take it anymore 😭

GM1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@miss down bad !! The p word wouldn’t feel guilty for having these thoughts or urges. They would actually do it and not feel guilty. They wouldn’t try to confess to relieve their anxiety.

Mon7

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@miss down bad !! I have felt the same. Im starting my ocd therapy journey and i have read so much. I follow someone on you tube who has ocd and she calls what happened to you you groinal response or something like that. It feels real but it is not. It is Pure OCD.

Mon7

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@miss down bad !! Her name is Chrissie Hodges. Look for her on you tube. She is amazing.

miss down ba...

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous im happy for you! i hope you find peace soon friend. Do you know for sure this was a groinal response? because ive had those before and i didn’t actually feel anything, i just had the urge to do something bad just because and i hate how i don’t FEEL scared in the moment but after i get anxiety 😭

miss down ba...

Date posted: 2y

@GM1 really?

GM1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@miss down bad !! Yes, p words don’t feel guilty.

Mon7

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@miss down bad !! Im not a professional and like i said im just starting my therapy too but i think it could be?? I hope you find peace soon too! This is an awful thing to have! Hugs!

miss down ba...

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous tysm for your help anyways! this was really useful i’ll check out that channel in a sec, hugs! 🫂

miss down ba...

Date posted: 2y

that’s good but what if i’m something adjacent to it then? i don’t want to be but i feel like even though i don’t want to hurt anyone i’m so impulsive that i might actually give in one day and that scares me

GM1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@miss down bad !! Unfortunately we have to live with that uncertainty. That it’s possible. But we are in control of our actions. Not our thoughts. But our actions

miss down ba...

Date posted: 2y

@GM1 okay 😔 uncertainty sucks so hard, but i’ll try my best. tysm for your help! you and anonymous helped me alot :) ❤️

GM1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@miss down bad !! I know, it’s one of the worst feelings in the world but we can do it. Of course!

TheTortoise

Date posted: 2y

I feel the same way and I end up telling people around me about it which hurts worse, I’m really embarrassed about thoughts like that and nobody around me understands so they all make me feel so alone but I tell them anyway, kinda like confessing your sins to god, but to people close like my gf who doesn’t understand so I receive karma for my feelings. It’s so bad for me but idk how to stop

miss down ba...

Date posted: 2y

@TheTortoise i’m so sorry to hear this :(( if it helps, i have this ocd book my therapist gave me and it’s really informational and helpful! it’s called getting over ocd (second edition) by Jonathan S. Abramowitz, it’s been a godsend for me and it should help u too i think!

miss down ba...

Date posted: 2y

@miss down bad !! it’s 20 bucks on amazon but the first 35 pages are free on google and that alone should help a lot

miss down ba...

Date posted: 2y

l don’t want to be a pedo i’m not even attracted to kids i know this for a fact but it’s just the fact that i’m doing something bad that makes me feel the urge to do it and i hate it i feel like i’ve had too many close calls with my ocd if it even is that and i feel like there’s no real hope anymore

miss down ba...

Date posted: 2y

like i don’t even deserve it

ghost

Date posted: 25w

Blurting things out loud (POCD and Real Event OCD)

i need some advice!! when i was 16, i was watching an anime and this character had abs and he was 12. i remember at the time (from what i can remember), i made a weird comment on his physique. saying things like “omg how did he become this buff haha.” and “oh im going to jail.” i even said “it’s only a 4 year difference.” like WHAT?!? just because it’s a 4 year difference, doesn’t make it okay. its WEIRD!! why would i say that? i also want to mention that i have a hard time keeping my thoughts to myself bc of my ADHD, so i tend to blurt things out. i just find it disturbing that i would have such thoughts, let alone say it out loud. i never had attraction to kids bc its immorally wrong and disgusting, but i feel no different from the ppl who would hurt children irl. I’ve tried forgive myself multiple times, but what i did is irredeemable. i feel like i am using my OCD as an excuse. i am so scared that i am a p, i want to d1e. my life is ruined.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

i have done so many bad things

i have done so many bad things bc of my OCD. and the thing is i have actually done them. whether or not they were compulsions doesn’t matter bc i still did those things with a fully conscious mind and I cannot erase those moments. and today I did something completely irredeemable. I don’t know how I can live with myself bc I know I am not worthy of life anymore. I am not worthy of being able to walk around free when I am a danger. and people will say “no it’s just your thoughts telling u this” NO IT ISNT. I HAVE ACTUALLY DONE BAD THINGS THAT ARE IMMORAL AND AT THIS POINT CALLING THEM COMPULSIONS JUST FEELS WRONG. I wish I had normal ocd. bc I know I deserve to suffer bc of all these things so im fine with it being normal OCD. there is nothing no one can do for me anymore. I doubt anyone will see this post anyway. and if u have read this far, ur better off just scrolling away bc im just a terrible person who is better off d3@d.

andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 19w

There’s no point anymore I’m just evil

I don’t even say I have OCD anymore because it feels like I’m lying. Maybe this isn’t about OCD anymore and is about accountability instead. Accountability for how twisted and sick I am. Sometimes I force myself to admit that it’s not OCD and that I’m just dark and twisted and need to protect the world from me. I mean god this feels too real to be OCD. Sometimes I look back at my memory and wonder if I did certain stuff on purpose and ask myself who could do stuff like this? Everyone says it’s OCD but it feels too real. I have a gut feeling that I’m a deviant psycho. I want to be gone.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

secretly a bad person (TW / LONG)

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community