Has anyone experienced this in any way??

Looking for opinions please. Suffer from Intrusive Thoughts related to speed (not the drug) due to past trauma as a child. However, experienced something different and peculiar.  I have been with my girlfriend for 10 + years, she's funny, beautiful and very sweet. I admit that I plan to get engaged end of the year. I recently returned from a trip abroad with my family, then soon took my girlfriend on a trip that involved a long arduous drive. On the day we returned we sat with her family having a nice time (even if I was a little tired) and suddenly a thought hit me from nowhere (paraphrasing) "you're laugh is annoying" or "you're not likeable". I was so taken aback that I even thought this. I love this girl, so where did that even come from?! Because of these kind of thoughts, I started to have an anxiety attack that I attempted to conceal from those around me. I felt sick to my stomach, sweating and even moderately shaking. I'm sure you all know anxiety, so I won't detail it further. But the idea of these thoughts still churns my stomach. Whenever I see her now I feel guilty, I feel anxious that I'll think something like that again. It's a vicious circle of course, the more you try to avoid these things they seemingly get worse. Is this even something related to OCD or Intrusive Thoughts? Usually such thoughts are images, not this. I have been looking up online what it could be, even considering whether it's voices in my head, afterall I don't know what that would even be like. I feel dreadful about it, I want to propose to her but she deserves better surely. Really confused and ashamed. My other intrusive thoughts are not like this, nor related to anyone. Would appreciate your thoughts. Thank you.

This shit is RUINING my relationship! I’m so FUCKING done with this. I think I have trans ocd but my past actions are messing with me because a couple of times in the past I said that I was trans. Like without thinking. And I’ve joked about being a boy in the past because I’m not very girly. I’m a tomboy. I’d say I was trans because I somehow thought it was cool or something. Well I’ve never hated being a girl. As a kid I was really girly like REALLY girly. I hate the thought of being trans and right now I’m going through so much anxiety. I have a boyfriend and I love him a lot but if I do turn out trans it will ruin everything. I never lay awake thinking about being a boy. I never cried or was sad because I’m a girl. I hate myself for saying these things when I was younger because now I’m so stressed about it. Please help. Am I trans for these things? Because I used to think there might be a possibility or myself being trans because I was kinda tomboyish but I never worried about it. It was just something that crossed my mind. I liked dressing masculine and looking masculine too. I remember when this whole ocd thing hit full on I clearly remember thinking “ohh this is really similar to when I had murder thoughts”. I really hope it’s ocd. Fuck this is ruining EVERYTHING. I hate this so much.

This is so long ah I’m so sorry. I’m really just trying to get all my thoughts out/ see if anyone feels similarly/ and what they’ve found helps. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I’ve looked into it a lot and feel that I might have ROCD. (I was once diagnosed with anxiety, but didn’t keep up with therapy because my parents weren’t keen on it.) Now I really want to invest in it to get a formal diagnoses/help, and I’m going to start looking into that. I’m scared that this isn’t ROCD, and I’m truly just in the wrong relationship, or not actually in love with my partner. But then sometimes I’m certain it is? We’ve been together for a year and a couple of months, and it has been wonderful. She makes me feel so loved and so understood. She is my best friend. But this summer when we were on break from school I started getting major doubts once I’d found out about ROCD and some of my thoughts lined up with it’s description. I’d already started to have doubts before the summer. She is the first person I‘ve slept with, and it took a while for me to have an orgasm, and that made me freak out and start to question my attraction towards her/our compatibility. Every time we’d have sex I’d worry over this. (Though I also think it has to do with me not knowing what I wanted/what I liked in bed) Our sex life got better but I still had obsessive thoughts. I have them daily - “what if I don’t love her” or “what if this isn’t the right relationship” or “should I be dating someone else” When I’m with her I’m constantly checking. If we kiss, I’ll analyze how it feels (or how it doesn’t) and the same thing goes for when she compliments me or says she loves me. I’ll say I love her but something in my brain will say “but do you really?” Honestly, I’ve gotten to the point where when I think of her or am with her it makes me so anxious. I literally feel it in my stomach and chest. It’s so hard to deal with. I can’t make it stop. I think part of it is that I’m anxious that I’ll feel anxious/start to have obsessive thoughts, so I get anxious? I just want to be able to think of her and be around her and not feel so scared and anxious and always checking. I feel like my anxiety isn’t letting me truly experience my relationship.