- Username
- lk95
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yeah I didn’t know I had depression but it turns out that feeling like your not really real or living life like a daze is depression based
What type of theme(s) does your Pure O latch on to? Can you describe your OCD experience a bit more?
It started when I was 11, went through a situation at school in which two girls spread a rumour about me making a silly video about someone (I had done this but was only in an innocent way taking the mickey, I was a kid). I lied that I didn’t do it (even though I did) as the whole school didn’t like me, my dad went to the school and defended me, and it dawned on me one day that I had actually done it, but because I lied so easily I think I started to not trust myself/doubt myself. The first intrusive thought was following this on a school trip when I was 11 of “what if I don’t love my parents”. Silly I know, but I was distraught, and because I was embarrassed never told my parents really. From then on I experienced thoughts such as that I’d sexually touched/abused my brother, in all my relationships I’ve had cheating thoughts/visions that I’ve cheated which have left me in states many times. I’m lucky to have an amazing partner now who’s so understanding and supports me with going through this. Inappropriate thoughts (like I’m going to swear, touch someone inappropriately/do something out of character). Mainly all things that are very far from my character, as most of the time with OCD. However for the last few years I’ve suffered with this distant/dissociated state and we’re unsure wether it’s a way of my brain protecting me (as the state sort of keeps me from having as many intrusive thoughts) or its an OCD theme in itself. I also check things, like I can look that I’ve put something in my bag but cos I’m in a trance most of the time I don’t trust myself/have to keep checking. I’m just so unsure where to begin, have had talking therapy and helped for a little while but then some real life stuff came up and I started to feel bad again. Am seeing a hypnotherapist but only helps like for 10 minutes after the session.
I struggled w depression most of the time I had ocd and I still do wich causes thoughts like is it worth it to keep living or what’s the point of doing anything and then I just call it out- call it what it is depression
It’s weird though cos I love my life, it’s almost like a trance/I feel removed from situations. I feel like life’s not real and I wonder if that’s an OCD thought that I’ve fielded, it’s just so hard to tell what is what
*fueled
My psychiatrist said depersonalization happens when my anxiety is too high for too long. I also get it from one of the meds I was taking and had to start only taking it at night. Are you on meds?
I’ve been in various meds over the years, I’m currently on 10mg of duloxetine but havnt noticed a difference at all. My therapist is going to write a letter so hopefully I’ll be referred to a psychiatrist and apparently they can recommend more suitable meds. Do you mind if I ask what you are on? Thanks for your reply
I started Prozac about a month or two ago. I can't tell if it's helping but apparently it can take 12 weeks. The med that was causing the derealization was an antipsychotic called Risperidone
Thank you for that, wishing you luck with it. Are you working with a psychiatrist/therapist? I’ve done so much research and have found apparently only ERP works for OCD, though there is no one in my area that seems to specialise in it
I've started ERP and have a therapist and the workbook, but I'm having such a hard time with it. I'm even ocd about my homework, and keep thinking this time the thought is real and not just OCD and I should do something about it or bad things will happen.
Talk therapy is great, but for OCD, it’s best to see a specialist. Unfortunately, what works for other mental illnesses is sometimes the exact opposite approach to what someone with OCD needs. Like reassurance, for example. Most talk therapists will provide plenty of it. But an OCD specialist knows that’s the one thing they shouldn’t provide because it only feeds OCD. Exposure and response prevention (ERP) is specifically for OCD. If you can see a specialist, I’d highly recommend it. I too have suffered from feeling disassociated and depersonalized at various points in my life. And I can see how it could be a way of protecting yourself from intrusive thoughts: the more we don’t care, the less the thoughts can get to us. Reengaging in your emotions without also reengaging in intrusive thoughts is a huge hurdle. And again, I do think an OCD specialist could really help guide you through it. If you’re going to tackle OCD, you’re going to have to get good at ERP and mindfulness. As far as where to start, I think mindfulness sounds perfect for you. It would help you feel more present which would help lessen that foggy/forgetful feeling. It will also give you some great tools for letting intrusive thoughts happen without either engaging with the thoughts or disengaging yourself from your life. There are a lot of good workbooks you can buy about mindfulness as well as guided meditations you can do. Once you’re feeling more present, ERP would be the next step. Depending on the particular theme you want to address, you’d then need to create a fear hierarchy and start slowly exposing yourself to greater and greater triggers.
Thanks so much for your help guys, have pressed on for so long but can’t take any more of it. Just wanna get better and start enjoying life/feeling things again. I’m in the UK but are there any companies/Skype ERP therapists anybody can recommend? As it dosnt seem a big thing where I am
Hello I am looking to start ERP on here with a therapist. I am quite nervous about it incase it doesn't work, I've had BWRT Therapy, CBT privately for months and I'm still horrified and scared of these thoughts. I haven't been officially diagnosed either which leads me down a horrible thought path.. but every therapist I have seen has said I have got harm ocd/pure o. Any advice on starting ERP? Thank you
Hey everyone. This is my first post here and it’s probably going to be a long one because I guess I feel comfortable enough to be open here. I need help. When I first got diagnosed with OCD, I figured it only impacted a small part of my life. I thought I was only affected with compulsions and obsessions that dealt with contamination, tangible perfectionism and the obvious intrusive thoughts and that’s it. Well, I’ve come to realize that most of my thinking has been impacted by OCD. At this point the only way to describe how it feels to me is a forest of thorny vines growing in place of my mind or maybe through and around my brain constantly growing every-time I give into this type of thinking (which is basically all the time because I wasn’t aware this was OCD). I’ve definitely felt it more recently, but I know it’s always been there from what I recall from past memories. I got diagnosed not so long ago with OCD and I was happy to because it explained this thing I knew was wrong with me but I didn’t know how much it will and has impacted me in the past. So, I think I’ve created a matrix in my mind or strengthened the OCD thought patterns because now I feel like my OCD impacts everything I do. And I guess I’m saying I need help here because maybe you guys will be able to see it, maybe validate me and point me where I can get help. I’ve been telling the people around me, I think my thinking is disordered and I need help but I don’t think they really understand the amount it’s affecting me or grasp what I meant when I say “I Need Help”. I did have a therapist before but because of a insurance change, she can’t work with me anymore and I’m not sure when I’ll get another (just to clarify). Back to the matter, the past couple of months I’ve been in my head just thinking and thinking. About everything. To the point where my head starts to hurt or until I feel sick of thinking about it but I can’t. I find that’s my obsessions and compulsions (other than the need for order [which can also be mental]) are very mentally based and I find myself ashamed of them so I hide them so maybe that’s why the people around me don’t feel my need for getting help as much as I do. Anyways, examples of this have been, -constantly thinking about what’s the purpose of all of life and the hidden messages in life -feeling like if I don’t do everything perfectly then what the point or being very mad at myself -being obsessed with how I present to the rest of the world sometimes even in close relationships -having calculated movements and actions (having to move my body a certain way or it doesn’t feel right) -obsessing over an absolute truth -questioning friendships and other relationships - obsessing over achievements or failures -obsessing over people -obsessing over decisions and outcomes because I want to make the perfect decisions I could go on and on but basically it’s just a lot of thinking and ruminating and obsessing to the point where people tell me I look like I’m some where else all the time. And I’ve started to feel like I find comfort in it now. I’m also diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I feel like it’s all just OCD. And same goes for my dissociation. I feel like they all root from my OCD. I’m so tired of feeling like this all the time and without my therapist I feel like I’m stuck here. I can’t make decisions, I’m never present, I can’t make or keep friendships/ relationships, everything impacts me deeply because I create a emotional obsession to it, I can’t just be without questioning everything and I’m constantly in my head. I’ve also started getting high all the time because I feel like it’s the only way to escape my brain but I’ve felt like it’s getting out of hand. I’m starting to lose in any type of hope of getting better. Does anyone have an advice for working on OCD by yourself or identifying when it’s OCD (especially mental obsessions and compulsions) so I can start to chip at this boulder that’s weighing down my life and energy?
Hii, this is my first time posting on here. I’ve been dealing with OCD since I was at least 14, and I didn’t get diagnosed til a few weeks ago, I’m 25 now. I’ve had all types of obsessions. My first big was of getting tapeworms, I became a vegetarian yo avoid em(I’m still one but I don’t fear tapeworms anymore). I thought I had schizophrenia shortly after that, that’s one that comes back here and there. I feared the end of the world, I had a big religious obsession, that lead me to being agnostic And right now I’m dealing with what I think is somatic or existential ocd. This started in early 2021, one night I was in bed watching a movie and I became very aware of myself. I looked up derealization, cause what I thought it was, and I spent the next couple months checking myself and my surroundings to see if that’s what I was experiencing. It was a very miserable time for me, but luckily it ended, I don’t remember exactly when. I was fine for most of last year, but then a toward the end of year I went driving at night with my mom and sister. I saw a tweet online about how some ppl disassociate while driving and I got scared that would happen to me. It was dark and there were lots of cars and lights, I couldn’t shake the thought. Now I’m here, still not to able to. The few times I’m able to I feel fine. But as I realize I haven’t been thinking about it it comes back. I got on lexapro shortly after cause I figured it might help but I can’t tell if it is. My anxiety is reduced but yeah. I’m so scared I won’t feel like I did before. Like I know I’m not losing my mind but it’s hard not to feel like I am sometimes. I hope someone can relate to this.
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