Hello guys, I’m new here. I’ve been suffering mainly with Pure O since I was around 11 (that’s the first instance I think) but over the years have had numerous trips to the doctors to be told I have anxiety/depression. To be fair I didn’t really open up about my intrusive thoughts as I felt embarrassed and put up with it for so long. I don’t doubt I probably suffer with some kind of depression due to the OCD as it’s SO draining. But after going to a couple therapists we think I have depersonalisation/derealization disorder. However, I feel this is caused by OCD as I feel fine in the mornings but I then check in to see how I’m feeling and then that’s it, last all day and has done for what feels like years now. I have a terrible memory and feel drained all day long, no confidence. Does anyone have any advice on how to tackle this/how I can properly do ERP to help? Thanks so much in advance.

Yeah I didn’t know I had depression but it turns out that feeling like your not really real or living life like a daze is depression based

What type of theme(s) does your Pure O latch on to? Can you describe your OCD experience a bit more?

It started when I was 11, went through a situation at school in which two girls spread a rumour about me making a silly video about someone (I had done this but was only in an innocent way taking the mickey, I was a kid). I lied that I didn’t do it (even though I did) as the whole school didn’t like me, my dad went to the school and defended me, and it dawned on me one day that I had actually done it, but because I lied so easily I think I started to not trust myself/doubt myself. The first intrusive thought was following this on a school trip when I was 11 of “what if I don’t love my parents”. Silly I know, but I was distraught, and because I was embarrassed never told my parents really. From then on I experienced thoughts such as that I’d sexually touched/abused my brother, in all my relationships I’ve had cheating thoughts/visions that I’ve cheated which have left me in states many times. I’m lucky to have an amazing partner now who’s so understanding and supports me with going through this. Inappropriate thoughts (like I’m going to swear, touch someone inappropriately/do something out of character). Mainly all things that are very far from my character, as most of the time with OCD. However for the last few years I’ve suffered with this distant/dissociated state and we’re unsure wether it’s a way of my brain protecting me (as the state sort of keeps me from having as many intrusive thoughts) or its an OCD theme in itself. I also check things, like I can look that I’ve put something in my bag but cos I’m in a trance most of the time I don’t trust myself/have to keep checking. I’m just so unsure where to begin, have had talking therapy and helped for a little while but then some real life stuff came up and I started to feel bad again. Am seeing a hypnotherapist but only helps like for 10 minutes after the session.

I struggled w depression most of the time I had ocd and I still do wich causes thoughts like is it worth it to keep living or what’s the point of doing anything and then I just call it out- call it what it is depression

It’s weird though cos I love my life, it’s almost like a trance/I feel removed from situations. I feel like life’s not real and I wonder if that’s an OCD thought that I’ve fielded, it’s just so hard to tell what is what

*fueled

My psychiatrist said depersonalization happens when my anxiety is too high for too long. I also get it from one of the meds I was taking and had to start only taking it at night. Are you on meds?

I’ve been in various meds over the years, I’m currently on 10mg of duloxetine but havnt noticed a difference at all. My therapist is going to write a letter so hopefully I’ll be referred to a psychiatrist and apparently they can recommend more suitable meds. Do you mind if I ask what you are on? Thanks for your reply

I started Prozac about a month or two ago. I can't tell if it's helping but apparently it can take 12 weeks. The med that was causing the derealization was an antipsychotic called Risperidone

Thank you for that, wishing you luck with it. Are you working with a psychiatrist/therapist? I’ve done so much research and have found apparently only ERP works for OCD, though there is no one in my area that seems to specialise in it

I've started ERP and have a therapist and the workbook, but I'm having such a hard time with it. I'm even ocd about my homework, and keep thinking this time the thought is real and not just OCD and I should do something about it or bad things will happen.

Talk therapy is great, but for OCD, it’s best to see a specialist. Unfortunately, what works for other mental illnesses is sometimes the exact opposite approach to what someone with OCD needs. Like reassurance, for example. Most talk therapists will provide plenty of it. But an OCD specialist knows that’s the one thing they shouldn’t provide because it only feeds OCD. Exposure and response prevention (ERP) is specifically for OCD. If you can see a specialist, I’d highly recommend it. I too have suffered from feeling disassociated and depersonalized at various points in my life. And I can see how it could be a way of protecting yourself from intrusive thoughts: the more we don’t care, the less the thoughts can get to us. Reengaging in your emotions without also reengaging in intrusive thoughts is a huge hurdle. And again, I do think an OCD specialist could really help guide you through it. If you’re going to tackle OCD, you’re going to have to get good at ERP and mindfulness. As far as where to start, I think mindfulness sounds perfect for you. It would help you feel more present which would help lessen that foggy/forgetful feeling. It will also give you some great tools for letting intrusive thoughts happen without either engaging with the thoughts or disengaging yourself from your life. There are a lot of good workbooks you can buy about mindfulness as well as guided meditations you can do. Once you’re feeling more present, ERP would be the next step. Depending on the particular theme you want to address, you’d then need to create a fear hierarchy and start slowly exposing yourself to greater and greater triggers.

Thanks so much for your help guys, have pressed on for so long but can’t take any more of it. Just wanna get better and start enjoying life/feeling things again. I’m in the UK but are there any companies/Skype ERP therapists anybody can recommend? As it dosnt seem a big thing where I am