- Date posted
- 2y
OCD intertwined with heartbreak.
My apologies for this quick rant. The last id say 7 months have been really eye opening. I had a situationship for the longest time I probably needed to get out of sooner than later. Through that stressful time my OCD flared up to the point I finally seeked medical help & I was for the first time ever in my life diagnosed with OCD. I kinda have always known I behaved differently compared to others but could never put my finger as to why I did what I know now as compulsions. I’ve always been “the anxious one” constantly seeking reassurance than made me feel better in the short run. Well it all came to a scary halt when my subtype changed & I truly think it has a lot to do with my situationship that I had with my life long best friend as well as finally living alone stress. Well it’s been almost a month since I’ve broken things off with my best friend and wow guys it’s been probably the hardest thing I’ve ever been through in my 28 years of existing. Last night I decided to finally text her and tell her that I think me and her should meet up and talk about the situation and I also have some stuff of hers I need to give back (I’m moving back home with my mom) I want to close this chapter of my life but am so petrified of my OCD flaring up because this is a very anxious thing to confront also, due to the fact that my subtype attacked this person I love so much, it was really scary when the intrusive thoughts first came up. I want to give myself closure but I’m even scared to just even meet up. I don’t watch violent things anymore, so many things just trigger me and I’ve suffered a great amount of pain from OCD and just heartbreak. I used to want to get married and be in a happy relationship and now I just feel like distancing myself from that whole aspect of life. I look at my past and I’ve always been this kind sweet person, everyone always admired my optimism and wisdom & nowadays I just feel like idk who I am anymore, deep deep deep down I know who I am but it’s just been a journey. What would you guys do?