False Memory

In most cases where I do experience false memory ocd, 9 times out of 10 I am eventually able to let go of whatever false memory was bothering me. It’s almost like I get so tired of obsessing so much over one thing that I just stop caring after a while. But the cycle repeats because there’s always some new thought that comes up in my head; another thing to obsess over until you can’t anymore. But, yesterday I was out with family. Really beautiful day and I enjoyed myself. But around the end of the day, specifically as we were driving back home, a reoccurring false memory came back into my head. Only difference was I started to obsess over the idea that I have lost the ability to differentiate reality and false memories. Before yesterday, any mental compulsions that I would do in attempts to make myself feel better would eventually work and I would get over it, but the idea that I’ve developed the inability to recognize what is real and what is just in my head has made it even more difficult for me to let go of these false memories. There’s still that part of me that knows deep down that I haven’t done these things, but clearly that isn’t enough because I am almost 100% convinced that I have done the things that come up into my head. It’s the fear the I’m acting on them unconsciously. I’m feeling stuck. I don’t like coming out of my room because I can’t focus on anything other than the thoughts that come up in my head. So socializing with family is becoming more and more difficult. I barely hear a word anyone says due to the constant brain fog OCD causes me. I am definitely in need of some help. But, on the bright side, I do have an appointment with a psychiatrist this month.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 2y

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pierce555

Date posted: 2y

@JFtheoverthinker_ I’m sorry to hear that. And to know that I’m not the only one is, in a way, comforting. I know not everyone has the ability to see a professional. But I have some advice: One thing that I’ve realized is that compulsions don’t work. For me, I’m essentially feeding the thought rather than starving the thought when I do compulsions. I end up just feeling worse. So what I’ve been trying is allowing the thoughts to pop up in my head, but I separate myself from the thought rather than associating myself with them. For example: I imagine my OCD as a separate person from me. Or an entity that floats around me. When I do this, it helps me recognize that it’s not me that’s having these thoughts. It’s my OCD. It separates me from my OCD. My morals and beliefs are separate from what OCD tries to make me believe. Anytime you have thoughts, view them from an outside point of view and not within yourself. Because we are not what our OCD tells us we are. We don’t have these intrusive thoughts because we’re thinking about acting on them. We have them because we could never imagine actually acting on them and it’s just the idea of them that makes us obsess over them. I hope this helps. If you need a better explanation. Let me know :)

pierce555

Date posted: 2y

@JFtheoverthinker_ Yes that helps too! And I agree, the thoughts do tend to fade with time. Just like with anxiety attacks; this too shall pass. Even if it feels like it won’t in the moment. I also tell myself a lot, “these are only thoughts. and just because they come up in my head doesn’t mean I have to buy into them.” And then there’s the simple things like doing something you enjoy doing. For me, it’s music and youtube and watching shows and stuff.

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