God

I’m a Christian, but my OCD makes it feel like I’m always disappointing God. I deal with scrupulosity. I remember signing the cross compulsively throughout the night to where I was in physical pain. But the doctrines of, “God died on the cross for you. Stop being in ungrateful.” I was doing this because I had a bracelet with a cross on it, and when I moved my arm in a certain direction it would be an upside down cross. The filthy feeling I felt was so bad, that i felt like it was going being a demon into the room if I didn’t pray. I spent that whole night signing the cross in tears. Then the next morning I got up like nothing happened. I still deal with forms of this. Like feeling God is going to punish me if I sin. So if a bad thing happens in the day, I blame myself. For example, if I listened to a sing with a curse word in it, I would blame myself for things going wrong later in the day. I still do. Not to mention the things I restrict myself from to please Him. Even though I know He is already pleased with me. There is nothing like the depression and dissatisfaction of feeling like a you did something wrong while everyone else can do that same thing freely. I can’t tell the difference between my OCD and conviction. Can any fellow Christians help me out, and give me tips. I already know Jesus loves me, but merely being told that doesn’t help anything.

Username: Andromeda17Andromeda17

Date posted: 1y ago

There are a lot of typos and mistakes…excuse them, I am a fast typer😅

Username: bunniesncheesecakebunniesnchee...

Date posted: 1y ago

Oh my goodness. That all sounds so, so hard and painful to deal with. I am so, so sorry that you have endured mental, emotional, and physical pain in dealing with your intrusive thoughts and urges. That sucks so much. Thank you so much for sharing what you are going through. I have dealt with scrupulosity for a long time and at one point I had 24-hour lasting compulsions that were physically painful. That sounds so scary to see this beautiful bracelet you have upside-down and then have all of the intrusive thoughts hit. It's awesome that, even though your OCD doesn't want you to feel peace, that you KNOW that God is already pleased with you and that He loves you. It sucks that that knowledge doesn't help the situation, just cuz OCD is totally immune to any kind of reassurance.

Username: h:) h:)

Date posted: 1y ago

@bunniesncheesecake I know you guys are having a full on convo + I was gonna respond to this! It’s hard but the thing is the Jesus is so personal, loves us so much and has SOOOOO much endless grace that He meets us with a different and specific grace He is not mad at you and He knows your head is spinning and He accounts for that. He loves you. The Bible says that Jesus cry’s when we do and He laughs when we do. He came to earth so He could more personally know and love us. He doesn’t shun you for what is going on- He embraces you because you’re what He wants. There is nothing in the world King Jesus could want because He is a king, He has it all, right? Well- the one thing He wants is your heart

Username: h:) h:)

Date posted: 1y ago

@h:) Be completely open with Him- He isn’t scared of it and He can take it. Tell Him your scared, your upset, your mad at Him- whatever it is. And maybe the thoughts will spiral but His truth still stands. It’s truth whether we recognize it or not. He has already overcome the world so you didn’t have to. He is pursuing you in grace- not condemnation

Username: bunniesncheesecakebunniesnchee...

Date posted: 1y ago

I am sure that it will take some time to work through the compulsions you may have. At least know that, when you feel anguished after being triggered, know that the guilt and sadness you feel is fake, so, so fake, just your OCD trying to scare you. It sucks that OCD is so powerful. It's amazing that you are so dedicated to God and that you love Him so much. OCD takes what we value most and turns it against us in our minds. It's awful!!! If you don't mind me asking, are you currently seeing a therapist? It really helped me to have a counselor who planned out which obsessions/compulsions of mine I should tackle first through exposure therapy. It helps me, even though it's very mentally taxing, to expose myself to my fears by writing the intrusive thoughts in detail. Like, for example, "I told a lie to my parents, so God is going to shun me and reject me forever!!! I completely disobeyed the Bible, and I'm terrible for that." Then, afterwards, I give myself grace, and it's a little easier to do that after confronting the thoughts. Sorry, that was a ton! Thanks for reading all of that. You are an amazing child of God.

Username: Andromeda17Andromeda17

Date posted: 1y ago

@bunniesncheesecake God has definitely used you to speak to me. Your voice is so encouraging, and I needed to hear this. I just hate feeling depressed for a whole day when not rebuking a thought:( I hate not being able to say certain words because I’m afraid I’ll end up speaking death on myself. I’ve try to relate to other Christians, but they usually keep bringing stuff up about demons and little sins that we do that open doors. I hate that so much. Because I spend all of my time trying to close them. Then Christians say that mental illness is spiritual, and to fight the good fight. But does that mean there are demons following me around and when I rebuke them they don’t go away? They say not to give in or dwell on your problems, but I have OCD:( and then people tell me God is always with me. It’s hard to talk to God because my mind is never silent, and you need to have a quiet mind to hear from Him. Sometimes it’s hard not to be jealous of other Christians because I just want the nearness they have with the Lord, and I feel like I’m exempt from that. But I know that’s the enemy, so I don’t much entertain the thought. I don’t know what everyone else is going through, but my inner child feels rejected:/ I have not tried therapy, no. And it’s okay that you type a lot. Evidently, I do too:)

Username: bunniesncheesecakebunniesnchee...

Date posted: 1y ago

@Andromeda17 - You are so articulate. Thanks for trusting me with some of the things you're feeling. And oh my gosh, thank you!! That is so sweet. I am having a really horrible day today and I think God wanted me to see your experience so I can know I am not alone, even though of course I don't know exactly what you're going through. When I had my worst bouts of OCD, it really felt like a whack-a-mole game. Like oh man I got this mole, finally, but three more just popped up. And more and more and more and I couldn't keep on top of it. It's so frustrating!!!!! I'm so sorry you've had to hear people talking about doors opening because of sins. Saying something like "Oh well, guess I'm going to hell!" scared me like crazy because it felt so real, like it would actually happen. One exposure thing I learned is to write down my scary, intrusive thoughts, and then say them out loud in a silly voice, like a Mickey Mouse or British voice or something. It can help drain the thoughts of their power.

Username: Andromeda17Andromeda17

Date posted: 1y ago

Im glad God used me:) it’s confirmation he understands. Whack-a-mole is a good analogy. I will try your exposure technique, but it makes me scared to think about it. It’s funny because every time I have a thought I try to swallow it down and forget it. Bc it can be so bad. But I will try it:) Do you have any tips on relationship and hearing from the Lord? Also since I’m here, I would like to recommend and artist who has helped me feel heard and understood. His name is NF, you’ve probably heard of him. His songs can seem dark, but he’s Christian, and he is a sign that not all Christians have to look and feel perfect. They mostly end on an encouraging note, is you have to listen to the whole thing. Here are a few songs that console me a bit: https://youtu.be/YUdkYx9WH9k https://youtu.be/Z3imSbT3H6w https://youtu.be/H0BXMUdyIKA

Username: Andromeda17Andromeda17

Date posted: 1y ago

There is also a book that I feel I should share called, “Oxford Messed Up.” The main character has bad OCD, and it is a love story. A beautiful love story of two broken people. It can be pretty inappropriate, but I just skipped all of the bad parts. I told myself I’d never recommend it, but I feel like telling you could help you out possibly. Maybe you’ll feel heard and God can reach you through it:)

Username: Kit Kat Chocolate Kit Kat Choc...

Date posted: 26w ago

Hi there! Someone on here encouraged Christian people to check out Mark DeJesus online. He is very knowledgeable about religious OCD. Hope this helps! 😊

Username: Andromeda17Andromeda17

Date posted: 25w ago

Yes! Yes! He is literally so helpful! Thank you:)

Username: Hannah2004

Date posted: 5y ago

Does anyone ever have ocd having to do with religion, like Christianity?

Username: Magzzz

Date posted: 4y ago

I made a huge mistake in the past. Going into it I didn't know at the time how bad the mistake was until a long time later. I so badly wish I could go back and fix it and change it. I hate myself and I feel like I deserve to die. I talked to my parents about it and they told me that I need to just let it go and stop beating myself up and that I've punished myself enough but I can't seem to shake it off and move on. I'm a Christian so I do believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins but why do I feel so bad. I feel so guilty. I would NEVER make the same mistake again knowing what I know now. Do I deserve a second chance? Is it possible that OCD can make it worse than it actually is? I need help 😭

Username: Leila4740202...

Date posted: 50w ago

Does OCD make you feel like you don’t deserve good things

I recently found out that I have OCD and it’s becoming harder and harder to enjoy every day that passes. I spend hours a day, reflecting on all of the bad decisions I made out of ignorance or out of intention. I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for what I did but I also don’t know if it’s the OCD making it worse. I was wondering if you guys have any tips on how to distinguish between guilt over what you’ve done in the past versus the OCD. I just want to be able to enjoy every day, but I’m plagued with guilt!

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