Obsessions over Attraction to My Girlfriend

So, for about a year ago now, I started having pretty bad Relationship OCD, doubting lots of things with my girlfriend and her looks, personality, hair, etc. We’ve been dating for about 3 years, so our relationship definitely isn’t new. But I’m just so fed up with having all these intrusive thoughts about her face or mannerisms or whatever it is, trying to let the thought be what it is, and move on. It’s come and gone in waves, but it’s gotten worse again since coming home from college for the summer. I desperately don’t want a repeat of last summer, and I’ve been doing a lot of praying that God would take control instead of me. I just feel so confused, since this has been going on for so long and I’m planning on proposing sometime soon… 😖 Anyone have ERP tips?

Anon.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I have never done ERP for this theme specifically, but I imagine uncertainty scripts, and worst case scenario type exercises would be useful. It really helped me to have a therapist create these type of exercises for me and walk me through them though. It really just all comes down to getting better at embracing uncertainty for me. Sometimes, when I’m trying to embrace uncertainty, I use the following statement, “I’m feeling anxious because ——, I can’t be 100% certain that’s not true now or won’t be in the future, I accept that uncertainty and am willing to live with it happily.” I then try to sit with the feelings produced without giving into compulsions, even though it’s uncomfortable. Over time with practice doing ERP, things got better, and I started to get some more relief from the suffering caused by OCD. Anyway, I hope this helps!

jellerbeck

Date posted: 2y

This is helpful, thank you! I’m seeing a therapist right now too, but I’ll have to do telehealth with her over the summer and talk to her about things like this. Thanks again!

Anon.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@jellerbeck Of course, feel free to comment back if you have any questions!

h:)

Date posted: 2y

When you are asking for tips- are you asking specifically for exposure tips?

jellerbeck

Date posted: 2y

Yep! Exposure tips without resorting to my typical compulsions (watching YouTube videos, googling things about attraction over time, avoidance of my girlfriend, staring at her to “make sure” I’m attracted, etc.)

h:)

Date posted: 2y

@jellerbeck First off- you aren’t alone! I know that OCD knows no logic but I am going to put it out there anyways- NO human even ones without OCD thing every single thing about their significant other is attractive. No human looks perfect and you most definitely has someone she may think is a little odd or a way your hair sits. But if she doesn’t struggle with OCD- she doesn’t read into the thoughts like we do. She thinks them and doesn’t find a concern because she loves you. Not saying you don’t love her- you just have something that makes you think differently. I will say- if you aren’t in therapy and if any way possible at all can do it- I BEG you. I know it can be nerve wracking but I realized how much I couldn’t fight it alone until I got help! Some exposure tips: - look through unattractive pics of her (start with one and as time goes on and you do it again- look at 2 and 3 and 4. As you are doing that- resist any compulsion

jellerbeck

Date posted: 2y

@h:) - I actually started doing that a while ago and stopped—it would be super helpful for me to keep going with that! And yes, I am in therapy, so I have to meet with my therapist virtually as I’m away from her location for the summer. Thank you so much for your response!!

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