anyone w/ input on SOOCD?

growing up I was fully convinced that I was straight. even when people would tease me and my girl best friends about “being gay for each other,” I took no offense because I was entirely secure in being straight. however after my first kiss with a guy I THOUGHT I liked my senior year of high school, I suddenly spiraled with SOOCD. I spent a ton of time reflecting on why I didn’t enjoy the kiss, how I possibly could’ve convinced myself that I liked a guy that I didn’t, and completely lost trust in my feelings and attraction. I spent hours doing groinal checks, analyzing how I’ve felt in previous friendships and about “crushes,” gathered “evidence” about my personality that might somehow “indicate I’m gay,” and couldn’t even leave the house for two weeks because I couldn’t stop checking people around me. I finally went on lexapro for a bit to settle down my brain, and after about a year, I felt pretty secure in the idea of me being bisexual. fast forward to now—I was doing pretty great off meds, and now I’ve suddenly spiraled the same thing this week. I’ve progressed a lot with a guy recently and now I’m having attacks again, convinced that I’m lesbian and deceiving myself and him, even though we’ve agreed to not being in a relationship for now and just see where things go. so I guess I want to ask, does anyone experiencing SOOCD genuinely think they’re lgbtq+, but they can’t stop obsessing over it? at this point, I feel like there is genuine evidence that I’m bisexual and maybe even lesbian, but I am having an insanely hard time accepting it, even with the support of family and friends. I also don’t know if my SOOCD has just gotten so bad that I’ve fully convinced myself of this, but regardless of whether or not I’m actually lesbian or bisexual, I just want to be ok with it.

Going to fig...

Date posted: 2y

I feel this entirely omg

anonn

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Mamba24 yeahhh it sucks 😭

Noodles123

Date posted: 2y

what’s ur evidence that u actually like girls?

anonn

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Noodles123 it’s hard because I never thought I had an attraction irl, but it’s based on my internet watch preferences (if you get what I mean). I do think I find women attractive, I just can’t get over the fact that I do

Noodles123

Date posted: 2y

@vicsan Oh okay I understand! You do know straight women do actually prefer that content too so i’m not sure maybe that’s not the best indicator. Or maybe it is. Possibly just accepting the uncertainty for a while without a label maybe when your not think and analysing it will just come to you! Then again I have felt it be sooo real at times and i’m like it does actually feel like i’m slightly attracted to women. But for me I think it was OCD because it never felt right and I was always sad and discomforted during!

anonn

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Noodles123 yeah I’ve thought about that too, especially bc I never considered dating women or being with women like that irl until recently. but you’re right! regardless I do need to work on the uncertainty component and not making myself feel bad for being unsure and scared of whatever “the answer” is. thank you for your input! I hear your experience, and it’s good you can recognize how you feel in those moments!

Noodles123

Date posted: 2y

@vicsan Just wanted to ask a question. When you experience attraction to women do you ever feel discomfort or that it just isn’t for you. Because for me I THINK I experience false attraction sometimes and it feels so horrible to me. But as yourself what does it feel like for you?

anonn

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Noodles123 the past couple years I’ve been pretty okay with it actually. I had come to terms with the likelihood of being bisexual. it’s only uncomfortable when I have episodes like this, and more so when I’m afraid I’m lesbian and not bisexual. not sure why it’s different in that way!

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 19w

Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 19w

feeling helpless

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

Masc4lesb

Date posted: 16w

LESBIAN WITH SO-OCD

hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd

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anyone w/ input on SOOCD?

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