Am I alone in feeling this?

Does anyone else ever feel like if they get “cured” of OCD or get therapy to learn how to cope and you end up getting better, that you’ll no longer be “allowed” to label yourself as having OCD and you’ll no longer be yourself? I some times get these intrusive thoughts that if I were to ever stop feeling OCD thoughts and acting on them, I’ll no longer be a person who has OCD and I’ll be a poser. If I notice that one of my “ticks” I guess you could call them goes away, I feel guilty and weird like as if I’m no longer part of the group of people who have OCD. Having OCD is a big part of me and I guess I just feel like I wouldn’t be myself anymore. This is also a big reason why therapy is so hard for me :(

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

I don't know how to help you with this. I just know exactly how it feels! I often have thought that many times to myself. I guess its one of the lies?

NODA

Date posted: 2y

I hope this will help you. Even if you succeed and get cured, remember ocd doesn't disappear. You just know how to deal with it. Even people like the founder of the NOCD, who got well, they still know, that ocd is never gone. It might not be active, but you can never be sure when it erupts next. Like a volcano. Please get well. And please know, even if you manage to be 100% ocd free, you will still be a part of the community, you will still be the person with ocd. Just a person who took things into their hands and is in charge now. So.... Both of you, you and the Anonymous, I from all my heart wish you beat ocd by controlling your reactions to it. But to worry it will disappear,.... I wish. Once active, always somewhere there. At least we have one another for ever. I hope this helps. Love and hugs. 🤗💕

NODA

Date posted: 2y

By the way, could you tell me more about your magical thinking ocd?

Paparazzi

Date posted: 2y

@NODA For me personally, magical thinking OCD makes me “preform rituals” for example, I have to touch the right side of my hair last if I’m doing my hair or touching it accidentally, no matter what I have to touch the right side last if the left is touched. I have to only step on cracks in the sidewalk with my left foot’s heel (which also is the last part of my body to touch any clothing) for example, if I’m taking my shoes off or on I have to do the left foot last so that my left heel is the last thing to touch. I also have to touch literally EVERYTHING in a very specific way and if I mess up I have to restart which makes school and work hard for me because I feel like a weirdo lol. I’m also very obsessed with sticky things and if something has a sticker on it, I’ll touch it with all my fingers but my right hand’s thumb has to touch the sticker last and in a very specific way or else I’ll flip out in my brain. I guess another thing I would label as “magical thinking” would be how sometimes (especially when I was a young child) I tend to think that maybe the reason I have OCD compulsions is because I’m special or magical in some way and some higher energy force is watching me and directing me to do these things and when I was really little I used to think that this meant I had special powers lol

NODA

Date posted: 2y

Dear Papparazi. I get you 100%. I know it, I've been there. I am having some trouble with this app apparently, but I will write you more about my type of magical thinking ocd. Until then. Hang in there. When it gets hard, think of me. I know what you're getting through and I know we can make it together supporting one another. Hugs. 🤗🤗🤗💖

dee012

Date posted: 25w

Feels like idk myself:(

A little sad and down. I just feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I grew up with trauma, made mistakes, dealt and still deal with hyper sexuality, and my ocd is so bad. All of this makes me feel tainted, like a weird bad person. I hate being around people and even talking to therapist bc I feel like ive successfully fooled them. Also, I recently saw a POCD hate train on TikTok so now I just feel like a fraud. I get all these thoughts and feelings that im just using ocd as a mask because I actually am a bad person.. and that im some sicko or something, and also my brain tells me and I go back and forth with myself about “oh you just have morals because you don’t want to be shunned from society, and if you were to have no rules you would do disturbing things” and I know I wouldn’t, because I have morals now that are ingraved into me…I just want a normal life. I just want to feel normal. I tend to feel useless in this world, when I really want to do good things but I feel tainted and like I taint this world. I try not to let this consume me but it’s hard.. If you read this thank you. I know I am just in a funk right now but sometimes I wonder if it will be a forever funk… or that I need to “accept” im a bad person so that I can move on… which I won’t bc even if I am (maybe maybe not… I will never know with ocd) I wouldn’t want to be.

LizM99

Date posted: 14w

Is this something OCD does?

Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 12w

I feel like I am OCD

It is not the thoughts or urges that scare me anymore. It is the way I feel like I’ve absorbed the compulsions into my identity :( I am doing them so automatically that it feels like I am choosing them freely and they’re me. and because of that, it feels like I AM the OCD now, not just someone with OCD. I think I’m just deeply trapped in a loop. I was trying to survive unbearable fear so I started scanning. Then I started pre-scanning. Then checking if I pre-scanned. Then I check how I feel during all that. I run to beat my OCD to the “punchline” (intrusive thought, urge, sensation) because I’m so scared all the time. So scared that I don’t even feel it anymore. I feel numb and all that’s left is this jittery residue and numbness. Now it’s all tangled together in a huge knot. I feel so extremely lost. I think this may just be meta OCD, but I’ve never ever felt so gone before :( I’m really scared.

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