Need Some Support

I just need help understanding that not every difference or disagreement needs to end in a horrible relationship with constant arguments or dissatisfaction. My boyfriend is very words of affirmation and enjoys acknowledging that he spoils me. Growing up my household, was very anti-words of affirmation, seeing it as gloating. So I interpret his self appreciation as throwing it in my face that he buys me things or treat me well. These things don’t mix very well but we know this and work on it. Unfortunately my mind thinks that since we’re not perfect with this it’s going to just cause building resentment and cause huge fights and ultimately end our relationship. Obviously this doesn’t have to be the case but how can I internalize this? When I’m triggered I get so fixated and think this will be the end of us (amongst other themes and triggers) it’s just tiring thinking everything ends in failure, or that I’m the only person in a relationship that is trying to work though something like this and that everyone else just finds someone that is able to 100% meet every need all the time. Any advice or support?

ohseedee8

Date posted: 1y ago

I don't have advice unfortunately but it feels like I just read a short story about my own life. I relate so much and I hope we both can find some peace soon. You're not alone.

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

@ohseedee8 Thank you for commenting ❤️ it makes me feel less alone and I know we can work through this. We just have to be forgiving to ourselves I think

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

@ohseedee8 I also know that before my ROCD I was able to look past this and see him for all the other things that I loved about him and not give so much weight to things that weren’t my favorite

ohseedee8

Date posted: 1y ago

@tired! Yes at the beginning of my relationship I hardly thought about it. But now, I constantly feel like I compare our relationship to every couple I see and over analyze everything. I also feel like any mistakes I've made are going to lead to future mistakes. I'm also super scared of ending up in an abusive relationship where I am stuck and I feel like I am looking for the tiniest red flags and once my brain focuses on one, it feels like I have to avoid him and any affection. It's hard to focus on the good things because my brain immediately makes it out to be negative. :/ How long have you been together?

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

@ohseedee8 Right now we have been together just over a year. I can relate so so so much. I felt like everything was basically perfect for about 9 months then some hormonal changes and just life circumstances triggered an old trauma response. This launched me into full ROCD so suddenly. I was away from my boyfriend at the time and when I came back I was terrified to see him and give affection, as I was so anxious I was dissociated so at this point it felt like I didn’t know him. I can relate to the negativity thing so much as the parts of my relationship that are normal but aren’t my favorite are magnified to the max. I’m really afraid of any issue being unfixable big or small bc I fear it will end our relationship in the future. How about you?

ohseedee8

Date posted: 1y ago

Me and my bf have been together 3 years. Recently we've been having a lot of breakups and back and fourths and I've been so stressed I had to go to the hospital because I felt crazy. I can't tell if some behavior is truly abuse, if I'm making it up, or if I'm abusive. I feel like this situation is so complicated, especially when I'm trying to get better. We live together so that makes it even more complicated. Luckily, my bf said he would go to couples therapy if we are able to afford it. He has anxiety too so that doesn't help when I have episodes. I think my perfectionism kicks in as well, especially when watching movies or shows and I notice something they have that we don't. I guess it's important to remember that nobody is perfect and people who love each other are able to work things out. I feel like in these situations you kind of have to ask for reassurance? But I worry that I make our relationship sound so bad that everybody hates him. It's so complicated

Kas_C

Date posted: 20w ago

Relationship OCD

I’ve just recently found out that Relationship OCD is a thing. I feel like I relate but it also feels like relationship trauma. I’m in a fairly new relationship and I keep telling myself that things are going great, we are good, he cares for me, but does he? There’s this unbelievable amount of self doubt that sits in me because of what my ex did to me many months ago. I kept getting told that I do too much, i smother, need constant reassurance, then got told that I don’t care enough, the things I do aren’t enough and that I’m not enough. I feel like I am waiting for the day that I get broken up with because of these “problems” just so I can be proven right at the fact that I should be considered unlovable. I go through this every month around my period because I get so emotional and nervous that I stress over the idea that he doesn’t like me. How does someone continue a relationship with Relationship OCD? How do I explain it?

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w ago

Relationship obsessions

I'm struggling really hard with relationship obsessions. Do I really love my partner? How can I know? Am I really just faking it? That kind of thing. It's making my life and relationship a lot harder than they need to be. I could use a few helpful coping mechanisms, trying to move away from less helpful ones like chasing reassurance.

Relationship OCD

ashleynicoleeee

Date posted: 12w ago

Does anyone else experience this in their relationship?

When my boyfriend and I are apart, it honestly feels like I've lost all feelings for him. I start questioning everything, wondering if I even love him at all. Then, when we're finally together again, the memory of those earlier doubts creeps in and completely ruins the moment. I get so caught up in overthinking and analyzing my feelings that I can't even enjoy being with him. It's like I'm constantly second-guessing myself. The worst part is, sometimes later, when we're still together, I do feel the love. But then the anxiety kicks in again! I start worrying that I'm just faking it because I had those doubts earlier in the day. It's this endless cycle of questioning, doubting, and overthinking, and it's exhausting. I'm really struggling to stay present when we're together, and it feels like this constant cycle is preventing me from truly connecting with him. We have been together for three years and we love together, and I just started feeling this way about a month ago; it’s been almost every day since. One day, I randomly thought about breaking up with him. Our relationship is healthy, especially compared to my previous toxic one, where I was anxiously attached for two and a half years. My boyfriend is very supportive of me. I have talked to him about my doubts and everything I’m experiencing, and he continues to support, care for, and help me through it all. I am very grateful for that. One aspect of my current relationship that I would like to improve is our communication, but we are both willing to work on it together. I often find that my overthinking leads me to question whether I really want to try to fix things or if I’d rather just continue as we are. This creates a constant push and pull in our relationship. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Any advice on how to break this cycle and just be present in the moment? I'd love to hear from anyone who's been through something like this.

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