How and why?

@Steven55! This makes sense. And I do understand a thought is just a thought. But is it the OCD that makes me feel like I have to know why I had it or try to figure out why it feels so real?

@Catlove9 - Absolutely! It's called rumination. Keeps you on the OCD treadmill. The feeling that it's so real is the payoff for OCD; it's how it keeps you on that treadmill. Remember when I wrote that people with OCD just blow these thoughts off? That's because they don't have OCD and, therefore, don't get those synthetic feelings that go with the thoughts. If they did, chances are they'd be just as freaked out as we are! Always remember that OCD is a liar. It wants you to doubt yourself, your character and your values. I know one thing I've learned to do when I have these thoughts and feelings is I ask myself "Am I doing it NOW? Am I planning on doing it?" Of course, the answer is no. It helps.

@Steven55! That’s a good point! I have asked myself and I doing it now or am I planning on doing it. Of course I answer no but then my OCD goes to “well you could be doing it now or why don’t you just do it now.” And so on 😔

@Catlove9 - I've been there. This is where staying in uncertainty is useful. Example: "I accept the uncertainty that I will ever do it, because I don't know the future (and neither do you, OCD), but I'm not doing it now and I'm not planning on doing it now and I have a choice." This is also a good time to tell OCD you have free will and you choose not to act on its suggestion. And then, just sit in discomfort until it passes, and it will pass. I know it seems irrational, but the more you can sit in discomfort the stronger you get and OCD's grasp on you loosens with time. Another tool I learned is to challenge OCD. Example: "Okay, OCD, tell me more. Why should I just do it now? What factual data do you have to back up your suggestion? Can you see the future? Do you have a crystal ball?" What you're going through is classic OCD, Catlove, so if you ever just need a heart to hang onto, don't hesitate to reach out via this site. We're here for you. BTW, my wife and I have two wonderful, crazy cats (and a dog), and I better go feed them before they throw fits and start knocking things off the counter! :-)

@Steven55! I cannot tell you enough how much I appreciate you taking the time to help me. This has truly been a Godsend right now.

@Steven55! You are the best. Sometimes my thoughts feels like urges and the thoughts come up as commands. Is there a way to recover from this fully and event get a flare up? This is my second time getting there after 2 years. I’m so scared that it’s gonna come back or last years and I can’t enjoy my life ever again.

@Catlove9 - I'm glad to help. If you don't have one now, I do hope you'll consider getting a trained OCD therapist who use ERP (if they're trained in OCD therapy, they use it). It will make all the difference in the world.

@Anonymous - Hi, I'm sorry to hear you're having a flare up. Don't worry, it's not the end of the world. Just keep telling yourself "It's all OCD." Intrusive OCD thoughts include feelings, images, urges. They are all synthetic, not real. First thing I recommend is to get back into OCD therapy. There's nothing wrong with getting a little tune up now and then. You may also ask yourself "when I had these thoughts and feelings two years ago, did I ever act on them? Did I ever plot to act on them?" The answer, of course, is no. Another idea is to challenge OCD. OCD is a bully, so we have to stand up to it. It gets back to what I wrote earlier to Catlove, stand up to OCD and say" why the hell should I adhere to your command, OCD? What good will that do?" "Where's you valid data to support it? (meaning OCD's response)" "Do you have a crystal ball, OCD? Do you know the future? No? Then it's just your twisted opinion. Get back into your cage, OCD, you bore me." Anyway, this has worked for me, but I admit it takes practice. The most important thing you can do is get yourself a little tune up with a trained OCD therapist. Hope this helps.

@Steven55! Steven you are the best. May I ask are you recovered? You are an angel. I feel so miserable and I pray it doesn’t take years to be resolved.

@Anonymous - I am nearly 68 years old and have had OCD all my life. No one really knew about OCD when I was young, so I was misdiagnosed until I was in my 30's. Even when I was diagnosed they really had no idea how to treat it. I still managed to be successful, mainly due to force of will, but I suffered greatly. Like many people with OCD, I went through the peaks and valleys. For awhile, I was relatively free from it and then I had my flare ups. I managed it by doing mental, and sometimes external compulsions, to relieve the anxiety, but all this did was prolong the problem. For whatever reason, many people, as they are getting older, seem to experience a spike in the disorder. It certainly happened to me. I decided that enough was enough, and I began to search for a solution. I found the International OCD Foundation online and through it found NOCD. My OCD therapist made all the difference in the world. I began therapy in January 2021. It was tough, because you learn that when you begin to use the tools, ERP, for recovery, it can get worse before it gets better. This is because you are recovering and that's the last thing the disorder wants. It will throw all kinds of crap at you to get you back on the treadmill. Over time, and with the help of my therapist and a lot of hard work, I began to get ahead of OCD and am now an NOCD alumnus. Do I have some flare ups? Yep, but they're not profound and I know how to handle them. They are not debilitating, just annoying. The don't last long. I now look forward to my remaining twilight years. I thank Almighty God and my therapist for this. I mention this because if an old geezer like me can recover, you can too. You just have to say "enough's enough" and, if you are a believer, pray for help, and resolve yourself to do whatever your OCD therapist advises. You can do it! If you need a heart to hang onto, you know where to find me.

@Steven55! I cannot say enough (again) how reading this helped me. I’m 35 and I keep thinking I should be over this by now. And I feel like as I’ve gotten older, it’s only gotten worse and the themes have become scarier. It shifts and I never know what to expect. Harm OCD came into my life just 4 years ago and it’s been the worst theme for me thus far.

@Catlove9 Same :( harm ocd freaks me the heck out

@Anonymous May I ask you you’ve ever done ERP? Or spoken to a therapist?

@Steven55! This is very inspiring. Do you take any meds now. I am taking Luvox and im 55 and would like to get off but of course im scared. Do you recommend any books or therapy that has helped you the most? Thanks for your post