Rocd question?+ little background

Ok so for a little but of background before my ROCD started I had bad health anxiety/ocd, I was super worried I was going to die, but as well, thought my partner was going to die, and was insistent on them getting checked by the doctor, I was so scared to lose them. Once I got answers for my health concerns, it flipped pretty much over night to feelings of him being a stranger to me, our memories didn't feel real and I was very numbed out. 6 months later I'm still dealing with this, and I'm honestly still in shock about it. My question is, now, the relationship doubts are there, but also I'm starting to notice the "worried about him dying thoughts" pop in, which confuses me, because I never ever want to lose him so I understand being worried about his health but then it immediately flips back to, "why do you even care anyway" Is this normal? Maybe the ROCD started because I was scared to lose him in the first place? Has anyone else experienced this weird flip flop in between being scared to lose them one moment, and then back to numbness the next?

Teavid

Date posted: 2y

Ohmygod same. I used to be so terrified of my partner leaving and my partner cheating on me when he is such a sweetheart. He is an amazing guy. And now its me thinking like do i care or do i love him. He makes me laugh. Today we had such a good time on videocall. But the thoughts are still there. Sometimes i think he deserves better and its not me but then i think theres no way in hell that this aint supposed to work it out. The part of my brain who recognized him as my bf and as him as an individual is there but i forced myself too much that it wont come out. But ik its there.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 2y

Comment deleted by user

Teavid

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous Exactly. Lately i have been fixated on my feelings. I hate that honestly. Its like when there are moments i miss him and i end up thinking whether i do love him or not those moments dont make sense to me. How is it that the moments that i dont love him does and not the ones where i do love him doesnt? Thats just the worst thing about rocd i feel like. It says the most senseless things but it tells us as if it makes sense.

Iamtheonewho...

Date posted: 2y

@Teavid Because the moments you feel the negative are the most detrimental, so you focus on it harder than when you’re feeling great with your partner .

Teavid

Date posted: 2y

@Iamtheonewhooverthinks It makes sense. I hope we all get to feel better honestly. Love is a beautiful thing and it’s sad it’s harder for ppl with rocd

Iamtheonewho...

Date posted: 2y

@Teavid Exactly !!!! The same fucking thing I keep thinking , I also think it’s cause I’ve been hurt a lot and I’m scared to give myself to someone, ocd and depression do not mix well with me , so I think it’s also that reason too why I think this ! Not just ocd but other like issues I have

Iamtheonewho...

Date posted: 2y

Yes ! I have ! I get both sides , me feeling like she’s gonna leave me or find someone else someone better who doesn’t struggle feel she’s gonna cheat on me or I’m boring to her, I’ll so scared and stuck inside my head even though it’s not true or real , but then as soon as that goes I’ll randomly feel eh I don’t wanna be with her eh I don’t love her , what I’ve found helpful is saying the thoughts out loud to myself , I say it even when I get thoughts or feelings I don’t love my daughters, I say em out loud and laugh at them cause it feels funny to me, so I laugh about it and it usually subsides , but you’re not alone , from my understanding and what I’ve been told through therapy it just means when we get like this over things or people we love it’s cause we truly care about them and love them , if we didn’t really love em or care we’d of left already without worry or thought , it’s just over analyzing and hyper fixation, something us ocders do on the daily , it’s nothing wrong just breath and be patient with yourself , ocd will never go away the thoughts will never go away , but you can learn to live with them and not worry as much ! You got this !

SpookyKiwi

Date posted: 2y

@Iamtheonewhooverthinks I'm glad I'm not alone in this! I'm so sorry you've been dealing with this too, its honestly terrible. Thank you so much for your response, it is super helpful 🙏🏻 Hoping for more peace soon.

faye1010

Date posted: 24w

ROCD

Good morning everyone, I need some opinions or help on what people might think is wrong. March 2024 is when I started questioning everything about my relationship for no reason he is everything that I wanted, but my mind is trying to tell me that it isn't April 2024 was probably one of the worst times of my life I stayed home from work because I was constantly crying and totally sick because I didn't know what to do. The thoughts slowly started to not bother me as much. I feel like since it ever started I never have gotten that. Love feeling back for my boyfriend, but I want it back so bad because when I did have it, it was absolutely amazing. I have no desire to kiss him or be intimate with him either which also scares me fast-forward to today. I am waking up with so many doubts in questioning myself. Is this ever gonna go away or am I ever gonna feel that love back for my boyfriend ever again? I feel like I'm wasting his time and my time because it feels never ending. I went to a therapist shortly after starting to deal with this and she didn't really seem to help so now on Wednesday I have a new therapist that specializes in OCD I think does anyone have any advice? Thank you so much in advance.

🧡🍁🎃

Date posted: 21w

Feelings

Hey everyone, I wanted to come on here today to just share this post because I’ve been struggling with this recently. I just wanna know if this is a common thing in relationship OCD. So last Friday me and my boyfriend had a conversation that was important, and my emotions were high and I got a little emotional about something he said and we had a long talk about it, the conversation went great and afterwards everything was okay. On Saturday I was so excited to see him after work and I was overflowing with feelings of happiness and excitement. Sunday was great and we stayed on FaceTime just enjoying the day together after he went home that morning, and then came Monday. I remember getting a thought like this, “What if I’m losing feelings for him and I’m just leading him on?” And even this thought, “I don’t really feel anything towards him right now, does that mean I fell out of love with him?” And then the anxiety came, I could literally feel myself breaking out in cold sweats and I could feel the pain in my chest after these thoughts crossed my mind. But what bothers me so much about this is on Saturday and Sunday I felt so content and happy with him and I was so happy and I didn’t have any anxiety whatsoever, and then Monday came, and I had those thoughts and I feel almost numb and I can’t feel anything else except the feelings of worry and fear and my anxiety has been at a all-time high and I keep feeling this pain of guilt and hurt in my chest and I just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced the same. Because personally one thing I hate is that one day I can be so happy and energetic and then the next day I can feel numb and feel absolutely nothing towards my boyfriend. I’m not sure if this can correlate with my menstrual cycle as well, but I’ve heard that that can also make your relationship OCD worse and cause you to feel differently about your partner. Just wanting to see if anyone has dealt with the same!

user36373738

Date posted: 11w

Has anyone ever felt like this I’m freaking out

I have had ocd in my relationship for a while now. When I originally met him it was like this insane spiritual soulmate feeling and we just clicked instantly and he never judged me. I’m scared cause when I picture breaking up with my boyfriend I see myself being ok and being sad but moving on which I never was able to see before doesn’t this mean that this is what would happen or I don’t know till it happens? I still can’t imagine what life would be like without him but I just feel like I have lost feelings that I never wanted to lose. plus that’s also when I just picture knowing how people move on and how I’d just have to move on without letting myself picture processing the losses of all. I’m just really scared cause I used to think of wanting other things in someone else and what it would be like but I just thought how nice it would be to have it and not actually meaning it bc every time I thought about it I got upset and now it feels diff. He knows I have ocd but I never explained the ROCD because I thought it would have offended him so every time I went through a flare up I never told and acted like I was fine and it kept happening and OCD kept getting worse and worse. Maybe that’s part of the issue cause I haven’t been feeling like myself. But this is a feeling I never wanted to feel ever with him. I have gone through the feeling of numb but not like this. And he has a lot of positives but I can only see him overall as negatives and I’ve been told that’s ocd but it’s affecting how I feel. And yes there are legit actual things in the relationship that upset me but ocd has been affecting the way I look at him also. I keep being told my judgment is being impaired but this time it rly feels like not. And I’m Scared why don’t memories and things affect me like it used to doesn’t that mean I want this. Has anyone experienced this or is this the end 😭

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