tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

How Can I Manage This?

Whenever I talk with my boyfriend I’m extremely sensitive about anything he says or jokes about our relationship as I have RA/ROCD. He doesn’t know the full extent to how this goes cause I’d like to make sure he doesn’t get worried about what I think about. He made a joke about how he always matches my energy and that I don’t but it’s okay. He’s always a bit more hyper than I am and his libido is higher so sometimes they just don’t match up. This joke caused me to become so quiet and over think like cause in some ways this is true but I don’t think he would joke about it if it really bothered him. I confirmed this with him on the phone and he said he would tell me if this is an actual issue. I’m just scared that a joke like this is like an early warning sign that it’s a bad relationship but I’ve made jokes like that too but when he does it I get super sensitive. I fear I’m getting toxic and I’m never going to let him say anything that isn’t ‘right’ without me making it into a moment where we need to discuss something. I’m just tired and want this to stop.

Yuko

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Same I have the need to clarify things with my bf about everything he says. Like everything has to add up. If it doesn’t, my mind will spiral and jump to the worse conclusion. The other day my bf casually joked about the way I looked on a particular day, in my heart I know he loves me and he didn’t mean to hurt me but my mind immediately jumped to the conclusion that he’s gonna leave me one day because of that. I think the key is really to catch yourself in the moment. Even though it gets really tiring to continuously catch yourself and self-soothe, I think it’s part of the healing process. Hang in there.

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

@Yuko Thank you for the advice. I really want to start getting a grip here cause it’s just kinda taking a toll on us constantly having to explain

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

i relate all too well. he's recently started calling me out by saying "you would be so upset if i said that" & it's been so helpful. my need for certainty & my desire to have a convo about anything he says that "isn't right" to me is a symptom. we used to joke around all the time & now i find nothing funny. i feel so bad about it. on top of that my recent obsession has been "we don't laugh together enough should we even be together?" well no duh lol, it's bc i make everything a problem! it's ridiculous. we do laugh together a lot though abput other things. ocd is really such an annoying thing at this point

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Same omg like I miss being able to take a joke and have a normal good time like I would the rest of my friends. I wish I could do that. I’m going to try because I know it’s in me somewhere

charissepisc...

Date posted: 1y ago

I think us ROCDers are just afraid of abandonment in general... and yes i do relate yo that i look into everything bc i am really afriad things wont work out. I think what has helped me is just reminding myself of my *true* dealbreakers (cheating, abuse, narcissism, disrespect or unrequited effort) and take it at face value. This is hard though bc then you start to look at everything like "is that disrespect or abuse?" And it gets really confusing. But honestly.... this doesnt sound like an ocd thing... it seems like it is sometimes bc we give tooooo much energy which you will still need to do exposure for but idk if he is being honest with you, cause that doesnt really sound like something i would laugh at if i were in your situation. We also have to be careful we arent blaming ourselves for being crazy when really we are just being cautious adults. You arent crazy, i feel that that is something a guy would do if he was afraid of saying his needs. That doesnt mean its a bad relationship or anything its just my honest opinion... you arent getting toxic... idk howbhe said it but from the way you described it it just doesnt seem like a "hahaha" thing and i would be questioning things too. Just bring it up with him again. You arent being a nag, its better to communicate than to not imo. Give him the space and the acceptance to be honest especially since this sounds like a new relationship and be closer to him. What do you mean youve made jokes that like in the past?

charissepisc...

Date posted: 1y ago

I guess us ocders have special needs lol. We are more sensitive and we need someone who can have that space and patience for us not to give us reassurance but to build trust with us, we need to also build trust with them so when we doubt, its not so bad bc we trust they do want to be with us. Be closer and love, hold space for their imperfections, encourage connection and honesty, truth, and also build love for yourself. If you live this truth you will see their truth whether it be bad or good and know that whatever happens you are strong. I will recommend a really good channel on youtube call Awaken Into Love that is about rocd and it reallyyyyyyyy helps me when i get to spiraling. Hopefully i didnt trigger you too much but i just want to be honest, but do what you think is best please

Yuko

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@charissepisces2021 I totally relate to constantly questioning “is that disrespect or abuse” part, well for me is “is that a red flag or is that a sign that’s he’s cheating/abusive/liar?” like I feel like I can’t make rely on my judgements anymore… but what I’m doing right now is that every time something triggers me, I’ll sit with it for at least 1 hour without reacting, if I feel that my anxiety decreases, I challenge myself to sit with it for another 2 hours etc. I always tell myself “you can always wait and ask if you really want to” and sometimes what triggered me doesn’t really matter anymore after a day. But sometimes it still bothers me even after a week. So that’s when I have to decide whether to continue to sit with it or to just ask for clarity etc.

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

@charissepisces2021 I know what you mean. I just mean like making jokes that have some truth to them, maybe it is being insecure and not being able to state his needs without making a joke about it. I think the problem is that I won’t let it go and think that it has to be the end of our relationship. Or I have interpreted him having needs and me having to improve or change as a bad relationship. Cause maybe he means it in the moment but it doesn’t bother him on the day to day. I can also not know unless he tells me so until that happens I want to be able to have peace.

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

@Yuko I think it’s just tiring to have serious conversations like every day all the time, so I think you have a great approach.

charissepisc...

Date posted: 1y ago

@tired! I understand that totally like yes maybe it is a problem but you dont gotta obsess over it. I did that with the last guy i was with, like i was always triggered by something and i over analyzed it and it caused me so much anxiety because he actually wasnt treating me well. Things like not replying for hours, not being compassionate, being distant and not attentive, all those things just make my anxiety worse and then he had the attitude of well just get over it. Just generally not being understanding. Thats why it triggers me when people on here assume they are crazy bc in the past thats what i did, i assumed i was just being ocd when actually i was right... but i was still obsessing too much. But im not in your shoes and only you can decide. A good rule of thumb imo is do you feel loved by him MOST of the time or less than half of the time. Because relationships Re gray areas and there will be rocky places but it really just matters if you want to stick with them through it. Or however long you choose to stick with them. Love is a choice, and i think half of it is using your WISE mind and not ocd mind. That mind usually can actually help lol. Ocd just makes me ruminate. Hope that makes sense

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

@charissepisces2021 Definitely makes sense. He treats me so well so I think that’s what makes me worry is like I get hung up on the stuff that isn’t my favorite but even then he improves. So I’m just obsessing over something that we’re gonna work on when in reality I don’t need to be worrying about it. He said it was his own issue and not mine after all. So we worked it out. Thank you for the honesty though it helps me stay balanced

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

@tired! He’s actually the person that’s helped me most through my depression and I definitely feel very loved. It’s just a bit of defensiveness that I’ve even done from time to time. I thank you a lot though bc I don’t think I would have brought it up again if it weren’t for your comment

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

Like I’m tired of making him clarify everything to me I can never just let things be or let things go without me knowing for certain what he meant by that

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

It makes me feel guilty too because this is exhausting for both of us

Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I have that too. That need for certainty about what they meant but it’s driven by OCD for me.

BunnyTailz

Date posted: 25w ago

Relationship OCD

Hello, I recently discovered I may have relationship OCD. I haven’t been formally diagnosed yet but I started experiencing thoughts like “I don’t really love him” or “I’m gonna break up with him”, and sometimes even thoughts that he doesn’t love me or he’s gonna leave me. This all started when I got a text from a former partner, and it was very surprising. I thought since it affected me so much that it meant I still loved him and that I didn’t love my current boyfriend. Before this event, I struggled with intrusive thoughts and compulsions but never about relationships and I didn’t think I had OCD. I wasn’t experiencing any of these specific thoughts before I got that text, and it’s really scary and I’m afraid my thoughts are true. I really do love my boyfriend but these thoughts are really making me depressed.

meglucy

Date posted: 20w ago

ROCD spike!! ADVICE WOULD BE AMAZING!!

Having a really bad day with my ocd. Just had a massive meltdown. I’ve had 3 sessions with an ocd therapist and I feel worse. This is very confusing to me. I’ve read online that it’s normal to feel worse at the start of therapy, but i don’t know. I’m asking for a lot of reassurance from people, way more than I have ever done. My doubts and thoughts seem to be getting worse. My mum said if the relationship is making you so unhappy why are you doing it? This was sooo triggering for me but maybe she’s right? She said if I didn’t have the relationship in my life, I wouldn’t be having meltdowns or have an ocd spike, so she thinks I should consider whether to be in the relationship or not! Omg it’s so awful to hear those words. But maybe she is kind of right? If somethings making you anxious or unhappy, you stop don’t you? So why haven’t I broken up with him? That would be the logical step. Im so worried to make myself even more ill so im very scared to carry on with the relationship, because right now, my mind is telling me its the cause of my unhappiness and i would be better without it. But is that my ocd speaking? How do I know?! My life without him would be so bleak, or is it my life without the idea of someone in it? I have so many questions, it’s overwhelming. What if I’m not listening to my gut? Maybe I’m not. That makes me feel sick if I’m ignoring myself again. This is torture. What can I do to stop all these doubts and feel better about things!!! I would love some advice 🙏🏻🙏🏻 (this is my ocd talking, but comments that agree with my ocd are very triggering like ‘yes if you feel like that that is a major red flag’. Just comments that maybe give some hope, thank you 🙏🏻)

sgray4

Date posted: 19w ago

Relationship doubts

I’ve been struggling with relationship OCD and differentiating between what is an intrusive thought and what is a real doubt. I was really happy with my partner then I got one aggressive thought that I didn’t love him and this spiralled into noticing all his flaws. I struggle being around him because I feel a huge sense of guilt that these thoughts even come into my head and I cannot figure out if this is my brain lying to me or this is how I feel. It’s really impacting a relationship that is so important to me.

Relationship OCD

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