New here

I guess I’m just really looking for some support. Im not sure if this is allowed, but I need to vent and maybe connect with someone else going through the same thing since I can’t afford the therapy rn. I’m a 22 year old f and I have struggled my whole life with what I think to be some form of ocd. I’ve never felt quite right and I become easily triggered by things that are out of order. I am a very clean person but I’ve always lived in a household with others that didn’t clean up after themselves. When the house isn’t in order, my mental isn’t in order and I will have a meltdown. I hate that because I don’t possibly have enough energy to do it myself plus working overtime, and I also really can’t ask for help bc no one ever cleans the way I do (I know I should be happy with some help, it’s just hard bc I have to do everyt hing right and perfect but I feel like others can allow themselves to slack and I can’t) I have never been diagnosed with anything but I have taken meds for anxiety before and used to have frequent anxiety attacks which would usually end up with me in the hospital. If I’m anxious I’ll start frantically moving things around in my specific order and I feel like I have become and “eggshell” person. I don’t have friends, my relationship is hard to manage bc I’m so triggered all the time and I think I’m always doing something wrong in the relationship. It gets to the point where I get so aggravated I just want to rip my skin off. I know I don’t just have ocd, I feel like I also have some form of personality disorder or derealization, I’ve just been like this for as long as I can remember and I’m not sure how to explain it. I don’t make enough to afford therapy and you guys don’t accept my insurance just yet, but I hope that will be available soon. I’m tired, I need help :(