I get scared when this happens cause last time it was the start of my mental break so I guess you can say I’m digging my way out and making progress. Basically when I think of my SO he doesn’t feel real if that makes sense? It’s so weird and I’m getting scared again but it feels like I don’t know him. I hate this because I’ve spent over a year with him making memories and I love him so why does this happen again?
Ever since my initial breakdown that onset my ROCD really bad it was hard to believe that my partner had good intentions. It was so weird I felt like my wonderful beautiful boyfriend was replaced by someone evil. It made me distrustful of him and I think that’s what made me so hesitant. I asked him to change back to his old glasses because I swore something was different about him and thought that was it. He’s been nothing but helpful to me and of course we have our normal issues but my brain makes them into unsolvable issues or tells me these are reasons to breakup. I get so worked up because I wish I could just love freely again. I miss having hope that we can work anything out together without having this voice in my head that says I’m lying.
@tired! I know this pain, I woke up one day and it was like my partner wasnt real, I didnt know who he was. It was terrifying, 7 months later still working through it. We've been together for 5 years so it was a shock, I know how scary it is. Good moments will always pop through, even if its only seconds, you will recognize them. Work on ERP, try your best to do self care, it slowly gets easier, and gets better. Stay strong🙏🏻
@SpookyKiwi Thank you so much for your reply. I just can’t even describe how weird it feels. I also have this feeling that I can’t trust him to do the right thing even though he always does. Why do I have this? I wouldn’t have chose him if I didn’t think he was a good person it’s like I give him no benefit of the doubt or have no faith in him and it’s tiring. Like every time I see something where it could be a moral issue or social issue I have this feeling that I need to check to make sure he’s on the right side of it even though I know he’s a progressive person like me.
@tired! No problem! I know its not a feeling thats easily described, its very bizarre. And I have the same issue as well, for some reason I feel like hes suddenly this mean bad person even though their is no proof of that at all. I'm not sure if you have any traumas in your past , I believe most of us do to some extent, but that could be why? But at the same time looking for answers isn't usually the best thing with this illness😅we'll most likely never be satisfied with the answer, and if we are it doesn't last. Its best to sit with it, the uncertainty, it SUCKS but eventually you will feel better about this topic. It's hard I know. ROCD will throw anything it can at you, just have to treat it the same. ERP, self care, and trying your best to be in the moment ( even though sometimes it feels impossible)
@SpookyKiwi Yes, there was trauma in the past. Haha it’s so annoying how that’s the root of it all cause we can’t change it. I was able to work through this one on my own for once. It definitely took some time but after a while of sitting with it I realized that we have the same values and that if we have disagreements on certain topics we can always have a discussion. I used to immediately get triggered and just get angry but I’m glad that didn’t happen this time. Thank you for your comments ❤️
@tired! I know! It sucks. But yes, focusing on values, and being as realistic as you can is the best way to put things into perspective. I'm glad youre pushing through this! And no problem ❤️
I’m currently going through this. I don’t want to say anything from my side or how I’m feeling now cause my rocd latches onto those things and obsess over that. But i genuinely hope you feel better because you deserve it :)
I just had a panic attack. It feels too real. It feels like I don’t have feelings for him anymore. Why is this happening? Why don’t I feel anything? Why don’t I love him? Why am I even questioning whether I ever loved him in the first place? I’ve been stuck in this for so long that I’m starting to believe it’s the truth. What if I feel this way because I just don’t want to accept that I don’t like him? What if I led him on this entire time? When I talk to him, I feel nothing. I’m not interested in anything. I can’t have conversations with him, I can’t kiss him, I just feel numb and fake. I feel horrible. What is happening to me? How did I get here? Why don’t I feel okay? I don’t understand what I feel. I feel like I’m lying to myself, like I’m stuck in this terrifying loop. I also feel like I don’t even care that I’m hurting him. I know he’s upset, and I know this is affecting him too, but I feel nothing about it. I don’t know why. It’s like something is blocking me from feeling anything. I know I should care. I know I love him. So why do I feel like I don’t? I feel so lost. I feel like I’ve changed. I don’t recognize myself anymore. What if this is real? I just want to feel normal again. i dont understand what is happening. i fear i didn’t love him ever because these thoughts started in the 4th month of us being together. in two months we make 2 years. am i leading him on? im a horrible person. i dont understand .
Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.
hi! I broke a short period of doing well without compulsions because I got triggered again. Before this, I had about two calmer days where I didn’t spiral so much, but now everything feels worse. I’m scared that I don’t love my boyfriend as much as I used to, or that this relationship is making me feel stuck or sad. He’s a wonderful person, and I hate thinking this way. I smelled a perfume that used to make me feel calm and in love, and now it just makes me question everything. I spent hours last night searching Reddit, especially on r/ROCD, trying to see if someone is like me or if anyone has answers. I keep rereading posts, hoping I’ll feel certain about what I should do. But I just feel more confused. I keep thinking, “What if I heal and then realize I don’t love him?” or “What if I’m only staying because I feel safe with him or I’m used to him?” I feel numb sometimes, or like I’m pretending, and I hate it. I want to feel love and clarity again. I don’t know what’s real or what’s ROCD anymore. I just feel lost and afraid. I talk to hi. now and i feel so strange like i dont want to force myself i want to like him i dont understand what i feel i feel so weird in my chest
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