Username: PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

How bad can Suicidal Ocd become?

Im curious about others experience, am aware this might be a compulsion, but i still think to recover from ocd you need to understand ocd. I recovered from other types of ocd cause i realized whats the pattern. So how bad yall suicidal ocd become? Mine was like i couldnt sleep, i had the thoughts in my mind all night, it was like i desperately wanted it, to escape from pain but the same time i felt so much guilt for it and i was afraid asf... i had that "theres something wrong with me, im in danger, i need help asp(thats why i dont like if people ask us do you feel like you are in danger...like i have ocd ofcourse i do...) But i cant move on from that, that it comes up when i stress out myself, i want to escape from the thoughts and i think "i want to die" this sounds like a real one. I even got there that it gave me a intrusive happiness or calmness feeling which made me afraid then that im in danger. So i cant tell it, i have guilt,.my mind constantly tell me im avoiding cause my therapist said im not in danger but i do want to escape from the pain(doesnt that makes me suicidal?) and i dont want to believe that cause it makes me feel bad about myself but my mind says i deny it thats why...I had this "escape from the thoughts" situation too when i had a "whats the point if we just suffer" thought, and these felt so real...

Suicidal OCD

Username: Ihateocd72Ihateocd72

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Omg finally somebody relates. It literally gives me intrusive relief. I’ve been asking how bad this theme can get for weeks because I genuinely felt suicidal not knowing what to do. I also want an escape from the pain but I don’t want to die but sometimes it feels like I do? I get the same thoughts but nobody seemed to have had these feelings. I’ve been beggggingggg my mom to Lock me up in the mental hospital because of this. I have. A hard time believing that I feel suicidal. So it’s like I feel like I’m in the night I’ve been searching nonstop not able to find an answer whether is this is normal. I kind of just accept that. Maybe I do feel that way and try to move on but I can’t because I don’t like the thoughts regardless of if they make me feel relieved. So to answer your question I guess mine has become so bad that it’s almost like I’m suicidal. A doctor would look at me without understanding that we ocd and tell us we were bd that’s what scares me.

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

Last time i got over this but it was in a way that i accepted what my psychologist said, i accepted its real,got over of shame, dealt with guilt and used some mindfullness and accepted my emotions. But after it got over and i felt good again i just felt like theres no way i was suicidal. I saw it like what i did is really similar with ocd recovery. I stopped fighting with it, yeah i accepted it like its real but i got over of fear and i started to love myself. But now i question again maybe i was really? My psychologist was right? Idk tho, i hope its just ocd

Username: JadedreamsJadedreams

Date posted: 1y ago

I have this form and question myself a lot because my sleep is messed up, it’s hard to focus on regular life and I also have depression. So all these thoughts end up in one big tangled mess. I want to escape from the pain too and also get the “want to die” thoughts. Sucks big time, I question way too much and just want the thoughts to stop. I went through this 7 years ago and got through it and had like 5 years of freedom. Came back last summer with a lot of stressors. I know deep down I want to get better so bad it hurts, but the thoughts come up and give me that doubt. Argh, trying not to fuel the OCD. My therapist says I’m safe too, just hate the doubt and all the rumination on this.

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

Do you have depression because of ocd or because of other things?

Username: Ihateocd72Ihateocd72

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Jadedreams You described me perfectly. I just want the thoughts to stop, the depression and the messed up sleep and eating schedule and decreased appetite is kicking my ass like

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

Also i want to ask, you mentioned that your therapist said that you are safe, im sure you are, i just want to ask did he/she said that you're trying to escape from the pain and thats why you have those thoughts or just you say that?

Username: JadedreamsJadedreams

Date posted: 1y ago

@PRIV8 Depression because of the OCD, it came first.

Username: JadedreamsJadedreams

Date posted: 1y ago

@Peaches1127 Yep I’m pretty sick and tired of the thoughts I want my life back! Determined to get better, trying not to listen to OCDs lies

Username: JadedreamsJadedreams

Date posted: 1y ago

@PRIV8 Hey there, I’m trying to escape from the thoughts. They are very unwanted and they cause the pain. My ocd is just trying to twist around my thoughts of wanting pain to stop to make it seem like I want to die. In reality it’s just ocd trying to pull out all its tricks to make me doubt. I’ve talked this over with my therapist a lot and she usually does not reassure me. But a couple times she mentioned that she has never made me do a safety plan and has made me realize that after all these thoughts I’m still here, that I’m going to therapy and working hard to get better. It’s like direct evidence that I want to live very much. But I know ocd can really make you doubt, it knows you so it knows how to trick you. Dint fall for it, let the thoughts come in and go out, our reaction is what feeds it.

Username: Ihateocd72Ihateocd72

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I constantly feel Like I’m a danger to Myself

Username: FIMILIFIMILI

Date posted: 1y ago

It makes sense that anyone suffering from OCD might feel the desire to just escape everything. Combine that with experiencing Suicidal OCD, and things get so confusing. OCD is doing its best to make us doubt everything. What is true? What do I really feel? Do I actually want to end my life? It gets so dark and lonely. And scary! Seeking an answer to these questions only fuels the OCD cycle. So you have to sit with all of that ugliness and confusion. Maybe I do want to end everything. But maybe I don't. OCD wants me to find certainty, but I have to be okay with not knowing for sure. It sucks!! You're not alone though!

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

You write that it makes sense that we want to escape from this but im like what is that means?😅 and the what do i feel part it feels to me that i do to not feel the feeling, to realize that im not, and when i feel good i feel like im fake, i just avoided to feel good about myself

Username: FIMILIFIMILI

Date posted: 1y ago

@PRIV8 OCD causes suffering, so someone with OCD might experience real thoughts of wanting to end their life (that they may or may not have a plan to act on). A person with OCD that values life and doesn't want to end their life might experience Suicidal OCD because OCD preys on you and makes you question your values. I understand how confusing it is! Reach out to someone if you feel like you are going act on these thoughts of suicide. 💗

Username: PRIV8PRIV8

Date posted: 1y ago

@FIMILI Usually i would say that what you wrote down just made me worry more but i will actually say thank you cause this is a good opportunity for me to use erp :) so theres no problem, but usually for people who have suicidal ocd what you wrote down doesnt help cause they end up questioning which side they are. Even me now that i feel way better then i was before, but made me question "do i value my life?"😄 even question which side i am, did i felt like i want to die cause i was suffering so much?and then feeling like im lying to not accept that im actually am cause i have some bad beliefs about those kinds of people" so yeah i did got better but im going through a setback, but its okay tho. :)

Username: FIMILIFIMILI

Date posted: 1y ago

@PRIV8 For people with OCD (including myself!) it's hard to see that all this questioning is in fact proving that it's only OCD that is causing all these confusing thoughts. Because if someone actually felt a certain way, they wouldn't be questioning things so much. But I suffer from a certain subtype of OCD, and that's probably why I have certain thoughts and feelings and question the meaning behind these things constantly........but can I see that the questioning proves that it's OCD? I sure can't! Nope..there must be some meaning behind these thoughts and feelings. And I'm endlessly searching to find the meaning..and to prevent it all from happening ever again. But I can't. But since you're not me..I somehow think clearly about it all. Stupid OCD!! Ughhhh!!! Lol!

Username: alexisd

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Suicide OCD

Hey everyone. I have been struggling with this theme this week. I had a panic attack at the beginning of the week and I got hit with a bunch of suicide intrusive thoughts. That is the last thing on earth I want to do and it hurts me because my mind makes me believe I want to. I get in a really sad dark alone place and sometimes I think about it but also I feel like it is intrusive because I have told myself no matter how bad it gets, no matter how shitty it feels I will not do anything to take my own life. It brings me so much sadness and guilt when I think about those kinds of things. It’s been hard because I have been trying to mindfully redirect and stay in the present moment but the thoughts come back and it makes it so hard to move on or when I’m in a happy moment that feels good my intrusive thoughts just come flooding back. I have tried to accept that those thoughts are there and I need to do things towards my goals and values but it’s been so difficult to accept this feeling and notice those thoughts when they are so against everything I love and it’s so hard when it’s one of my biggest fears. I cry and cry because I’m just so scared of those thoughts and it makes me think I actually want to do it. Anyway has anyone else experienced this? I feel so guilty and sometimes get thoughts that this feeling will never go away even thought I know for a fact I can get past it. Any advice? Or does anyone relate?

Username: Kids4Christ

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Suicidal OCD

I think this is the hardest theme I’ve dealt with, it feels so real & the thoughts/sensations are so strong. The thought that really stumps me is when my OCD tells me that I don’t want to live anymore & that I don’t like the life that I have & it’s fueled by a ton of anxiety. If you’ve went through this & got through it please tell me how, I feel like I have to react to my thoughts or something bad will happen.

Suicidal OCD

Username: PRIV8

Date posted: 46w ago

Suicidal ocd

Again i had a suicidal thought and why i feels so real is because it came with so strong emotions. I felt hopeless and panicking that i want a way out ans then i was hit by a huge shame and sadness cause i dont want to die... its so hard, what do i do with all those emotions... it feels like its true, expecially when im in a hard situation, like actually something bad happens. I dont see the difference between my thoughts and emotions and someone who is sttuggling with suicidal thoughts. I know personally someone who had self harm problems and wbat helped him was the "thoughs are not you", and we use the same thing, and whenever i think about that my mind says maybe it works cause i have the same thing as people with suicidal feelings and emotions. Its a lie that everyone wants to die cause i heard about people who doesnt like their suicidal rhoughts and feelings, they feel shame about it and are afraid of it... well its the same we go through... and the usual ocd method is to say "maybe maybe not" but it gives me feeling of shame, shame that maybe i was close to end my life. We dont know the answer but im tired that it comes back always with this strong feeling, like hopelessness, sadness, anger. I give an exenple lets say i lose someone, ans then i experience a thought that i have noone, i lost someone who is important to me, the world is unsafe, i want to get out of here, this comes with the feeling of despair, sadness, anger and hopelessnes cause i have a real problem, i lost someone so i can say i feel this becauee of that and even therapists would say im experiencing suicidal feelings. Yet some say its ocd. How? I just want to understand how its ocd when poeple with the same experience get diagnosed with suicidal thoughts and feelings?

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