Extremely triggering movie

My family brought me to watch a new movie about sex trafficking and I just knew it was gonna trigger me so I said I didn’t want to go anymore and they got mad at me and forced me to go. They know what I’m going through and how hard it’s been and I’ve done my best to explain it to them yet they still brought me to watch it. As the movie started playing it immediately triggered me so I closed my eyes and started crying because I could just hear what was going on and it kept taking about the p words and kids and I couldn’t take it anymore so I had to leave. My sister let me take her car home but now I’m here by myself and I really just want to die. It’s been almost a whole year and I am still thinking and feeling the same. I think I’ve gotten better but that just ruined me. I just want to be gone already. It’s been long enough and nobody understands my pain. I know I won’t kill myself because I’m too scared but I desperately want to just be dead. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend.

Username: silversmith silversmith

Date posted: 1y ago

i’m sorry to hear this. just know that you are not alone, im going through similar stuff also

Username: stranger stranger

Date posted: 1y ago

@silversmith Thank you for your response. I appreciate it.

Username: phosphophyllitephosphophyllite

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m so sorry, that’s awful you’re parents did that to you. It must be difficult to have unsupportive people around you. I had a similar experience as this but with some youtube video I stumbled upon. It was an interview that brought up a P*d* situation for some reason, and it was during a really bad episode. It drove me insane how much I thought about it. It triggered me honestly until only a year ago. It took some time but it faded eventually. It’s been three years since then and I’m doing much better. It took awhile, but I got there. I’m so glad I’m still here. Please be strong.

Username: stranger stranger

Date posted: 1y ago

@phosphophyllite They have been super supportive I just don’t understand why they took me to watch it knowing what I’ve been going through? They saw me there with my eyes shut with tears running down my face trying not to make a sound and just getting worse and worse and they didn’t think of maybe we should just leave. It makes me feel like they did it on purpose cuz maybe after telling them about what I’m feeling they wanted to make me uncomfortable cuz they think I’m actually just a p. I don’t know why they did it. I so badly just want to run away and not be found. I want to drive to the middle of nowhere and let myself slowly die. I’m so scared and I just want this nightmare to be over.

Username: SadUnicorn3 🦄SadUnicorn3 🦄

Date posted: 1y ago

It’s really inconsiderate considering you’ve told them your situation, what triggers you etc. Even if you didn’t specifically say what your triggers are, if they know you have POCD then it’s pretty obvious you would be triggered. I know you’re meant to do exposures and stuff to get through the ocd, but with certain things I don’t feel you HAVE to do them to recover… some people genuinely feel uncomfortable watching a movie about sex trafficking even if they don’t have POCD… but if they are trying to expose you to your fears I think that’s the wrong way to do it… They should not be mad at you for not wanting to watch such movies… I’m sorry you had to go through that. There are other ways around exposures, and I’m sure your therapist or you will know how to approach situations correctly for you…

Username: b13

Date posted: 5y ago

I don’t want to post the same things all the time but I’m having a shitty moment. I’m crying by myself in my room like I have everyday for so long. I’m so sick of thinking about my sexuality and sex every minute of everyday. Anything and everything becomes sexual evidence of some sort. I was doing something at work that involved pushing with my fingers and I had a thought of it being sexual. I’m terrified to ever be touched by anyone and I have no interest in any relationship ever anymore because I just want to be alone. I couldn’t even hug my best friend of 5 years without coming close to crying because I was scared. Scared of hugging my best friend! Everyday is the same, I do the same googling and watch the same videos and think up the same scenarios to test how I feel about them. The only thing stopping me from doing anything to myself is my parents. And every time I have a suicidal thought I go downstairs and see them and feel bad. The scariest part is I’m going to be home alone for a few weeks soon and I’m terrified. Again sorry for posting similar things all the time I just have nobody else.

Username: ihatemyocd

Date posted: 4y ago

Self harm and suicide trigger warning - - - - So I did it again. I don't really feel anything. As I hurt myself I put myself down "I'm only doing this for attention" as I proceed to keep it to myself. I can't get over the shame and the guilt. I need serious help. I hate myself the most for having bodily responses to the intrusions. It if were just thoughts and images then maybe I would have reached out for help. But I'm in too deep. The moment I would mention "feelings of arousal" most people will take this as confirmation that I'm a pedophile despite me never having had these thoughts before. I am passively suicidal. I wish something would kill me. A heart attack, a car accident, cancer, anything. I am so tired.

Username: MandyM

Date posted: 4y ago

TW/ I don't know what to do anymore 😔 Struggling with real event/false memory ocd is so hard. Last weekend, I was planning on committing suicide but I couldn't tell my siblings what was wrong cuz I feel like they wouldn't understand. I feel so underserved and unwanted sometimes and it would be better if I leave this earth. I would compare myself to people who done harmful things to other people, but deep down inside I'm none of these people AT ALL. Tbh, I will be surprised if I make out alive by the end of next year. I struggle with self-harm as well and there are times where I really I had to fight the urge to self-harm. This has been so horrible because I failed all my classes this semester and I'm not sure if I'm going to be back to school next semester. I just feel like a failure. I don't even remember being fully happy. At this point I just want to leave and never come back. I know my friends and family would be sad when I committ suicide, but I think they would live a better life when I'm not in it.

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