A.Monk

Date posted: 2y

Scared to start ERP

I just had an appointment with my therapist who specializes in ERP and I’m so scared to start. My general anxiety and thoughts are the fear that I find teenagers attractive and therefore might do something inappropriate with them. I’m a 23 year old gay man and I don’t want this to be my life. My therapist and I just planned my first set of exposures, which is going to involve looking at a photo of an attractive teenager and agree with the thoughts that I am attracted to them. I am so so scared though because I don’t want to be okay with these thoughts. While I do admit that I think some teens are attractive (even admitting that makes me feel gross) I don’t want to allow myself to be this creep who looks at teenagers. I wish this wasn’t my life. I’m so scared that this experience is going to make me realize that I’m a creep who is attracted to the wrong age group and will need to live with this deep shame. I’m so scared of being attracted to them because I worry that maybe I’ll lose impulse control one day and I’ll do something stupid and hook up with someone I shouldn’t with. Does anyone have advice on starting ERP. I’m so scared and that I’ll find out things about myself that I don’t want to.

McDucko

Date posted: 2y

Just give it your all. ERP is worth it. Just realize discomfort doesn't mean danger.

A.Monk

Date posted: 2y

@McDucko I’m going to try! I’m just scared that the more I do it, the more I will become what I’m really afraid of being :/

McDucko

Date posted: 2y

@A.Monk No, you'll just be taking control back. Trust me, I've been there several times. This is how you take the reigns away from OCD.

A.Monk

Date posted: 2y

@McDucko Thank you. I really appreciate your support :)

Anonymous78

Date posted: 2y

OCD isn’t what’s stopping you from acting on your thoughts. YOU are. OCD doesn’t control any “impulses” you may think you have—all it does it make your life stressful! Give your exposures your all! Your therapist will be there to guide you, and the anxiety will pass if you just sit with it a little.

Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

You may feel scared of many things, but you realizing you need the help, and getting the help you need is the most courageous thing to do. I have my first session later this afternoon and feel fear as you do. You're not alone.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 2y

Comment deleted by user

A.Monk

Date posted: 2y

@emilyvictoria Are you fears also more targeted at teenagers rather than children? It’s nice to hear that I’m not alone :)

A.Monk

Date posted: 2y

@emilyvictoria Ugh I totally feel that! This round with teenagers is uniquely traumatizing for me especially because my brain tells me that the fear is more viable since a 17 year old is fairly developed, so there could be a legitimate attraction there whereas I’m very confident I have no attraction to a child, if that makes sense? I don’t know if maybe that’s something you can relate to as well?

A.Monk

Date posted: 2y

@emilyvictoria Hey, just wanted to check in and see how you’ve been doing?

A.Monk

Date posted: 2y

@emilyvictoria Of course! I’d say I’m pretty much in the same boat. I have ups and downs, but those downs are hard. Hoping we get through this sooner rather than later!

A.Monk

Date posted: 2y

@emilyvictoria Same goes to you! :)

izzyyyy24

Date posted: 12w

@A.Monk I know this is an old post, but I have this same exact thought. I always think my fear is more likely to be true because of this!!

ReadyForImpr...

Date posted: 2y

You know, it's completely natural to feel how you're feeling about ERP. It's scary for all of us when we begin, but it also helps you get better. It really does. I've had OCD for my whole life and I started seeing things shift slightly within a few weeks. You're not alone! I still feel that way as I take on new themes, especially my hardest one. Everyone here is right. Once you get going with ERP, keep doing it, every day. It'll help with the theme you're working on AND will help with things you're not even working on! Example, I tackled one theme and then found myself able to fly and take vacation alone to a place i had never been before, even though I hadn't done any exposure work with that... I hadn't left my province in over 10 years prior and have never took vacation alone because my OCD was so bad. ERP is tough and can be scary... but I promise it is worth it.

Jennifer Dal...

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 25w

Let’s talk about Therapy

So you got to ask me anything… Now I’d like to ask you something! I’ve heard from Members that they were so scared coming to their first ERP session. They were terrified that I would think they were crazy, that I would tell them their worst fears were true. That I would confirm they are some form of a terrible person or have them hauled off to prison for their thoughts. I’ve also had Members share how they’re very scared to begin ERP treatment because they’ve researched enough to know it means facing the fear, without the compulsions that have kept them feeling safe (but not really safe) this entire time. They struggled to see how they could be capable of doing this, while simultaneously acknowledging that they did not want to live like this anymore. If you have had your first session, what were your thoughts before? Did you have any hesitations or fears going into it? How did it turn out? If you haven’t yet begun to work with an ERP specialist, what is holding you back?

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

Maybe it is OCD (please say anything)

I have no idea anymore. I guess this all started with me worrying about whether I was gay, then whether I was a P, then worried about being just attracted to teenagers. After that I started freaking out about not feeling “grown up” enough. Like “I’m an adult wtf is wrong with me for seeing someone who is probably younger and thinking they’re physically attractive. Then I started overthinking not finding older adults (like 30 or 40) very attractive. Like ofc I’m probably not gonna find them attractive, they’re not anywhere close my age. Maybe the desires are half real. Maybe as a 21 yr old young adult I do find older teenagers (16+) somewhat physically attractive. I still think it’d be weird to date one. Maybe that’s the normal reaction I’m supposed to have. If not, please let me know. I just don’t wanna do anything illegal one day and I’m super scared I will. I can’t tell if the fear is my just being afraid of the law though, in which case I might actually just be a bad person. I hate that my brain is just rationalizing thoughts now. I feel like I can’t do the ERP thing of “just accept that the thoughts are there but don’t engage.” Like what? How can I just think a thought that might be so integral to my identity and just ignore it? If it’s all true and I don’t like people my age anymore then I have to know and plan around that, that could change my entire life. I’m rambling, my b.

Monkeybrain842

Date posted: 12w

How does one activl 'practice' exposure therapy ?

One problem - Various themes This is my first post. I had a relapse a few months ago. Life was amazing and then boom, I got triggered by something and started spiralling about my sexuality (having finally been at peace for two years, entered a healthy new relationship and come out of the closet as an older women). How do you, when you're not triggered practice ERP? I'm able to try and accept the thoughts every time I see a man. What should I be doing when I don't encounter these triggers. I was to say as well that I also am starting to get real event OCD about some of the sexual things I did in the past when I was married and in an unhealthy toxic relationship with my ex husband. I am shamed and disgusted and I'm working on it but there's a certain subsection of the LGBTQ community that trigger these thoughts, groinals and thing for me... I feel like I'm beginning to realise I need to maybe be a little more active in my recovery instead of waiting for triggers... But I don't know how

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