- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Your HOCD isn't even a fear of actually being a lesbian. It's fear of losing things that you already have as a straight female. The more you panic about this, the more you ruminate and read things, and the more you give in to the thoughts and start analysing them the more your brain is going to take them seriously. Stop analysing, reading, or whatever else you've been doing and just live parallel to the thoughts. You've made it this far in life knowing you're straight, don't let OCD thoughts make you believe otherwise. Also, for what it's worth, I think women are beautiful and have stunning figures but I'm a straight as hell female.
- Date posted
- 6y
It seems like you’re doing a lot of reassurance seeking in this thread too. The more you ritualise (read, seek reassurance, compare your experience to other people’s, seek reassurance that you’re not a lesbian, ask other people if hocd is real) the more you indulge in your ocd, the worse your intrusive thoughts about being a lesbian will become. It’s a vicious cycle you seem to be right in the middle of.
- Date posted
- 6y
My friend, those people are wrong. HOCD is real. I’ve spoken to many people struggling with this on this app before and I know it’s OCD and not their sexuality. Remember, OCD is called the doubting disease because it can make you doubt ANYTHING!
- Date posted
- 6y
Remember this, sexuality is something you are born with, it doesn't change, if you ever tried and found that you are not attracted to your gender, then no matter what happens except for hormonal treatment, your sexuality will not change. If people's sexuality was fluid and could change over lifetime, then all those gay/lesbians throughout history would not need to struggle with their identity or go to any hormonal therapy. They could just force themselves to be straight through their mind.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah I also read an interview with a women who got through hocd. She ended up saying she wasn’t afraid to say that women are hot and that she can get turned on by looking at their naked body. But still know she’s 100% straight so is that normal? Because I’ve seriously never had feelings for a girl or wanted to be with or or fantasied about one. I liked fantasying about boys and I want to go back to that.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you, I actually also just read that ocd chooses to attack things that are important to you. And it makes sense. Thank you for the advice! I very much appreciate it!
- Date posted
- 6y
OCD absolutely attacks what is most important to you which is what makes it so paralysing. If the thoughts come back just let them sit in your mind and give them no fear or rumination or even thought and they will subside.
- Date posted
- 6y
Let thoughts be there in your mind. I love that phrase "live parallel to the thoughts" Get comfy with the thoughts instead of believing them. Tell your thoughts "Okay whateva ?"
- Date posted
- 6y
I wish I can just realize that. But then I tell myself what if I’m really lesbian but I tell myself it’s hocd just to make myself feel better. What if they denial.
- Date posted
- 6y
I really don’t think they’re in denial. I think the way to handle this is to let the thoughts be there and not try to reassure yourself. The thoughts are like a bully, constantly demanding attention. The best way to resist people like that is to not give them the attention they want. The thoughts should get weaker over time.
- Date posted
- 6y
HOCD feels very real, to an extent that you actually will feel attracted when you are suffering from it. It is just HOCD, tell yourself no "what ifs"
- Date posted
- 6y
The thing is I do think girls are pretty and have nice bodies. But it scares me to think what if that means something. Or that there’s more to that. I’ve read that many straight women get turned on by women’s bodies but have to desire to touch them or be with them. I know I have no desire like that. But what if I do. And I’m trying to ignore it. It’s all just so much and it’s so confusing.
- Date posted
- 6y
And if I was lesbian I shouldn’t be so afraid of it. Ik my family would accept me. But then I’d have to leave my bf and it wouldn’t mean I didn’t love him all along.
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t know if this helps, but I think girls are pretty and have nice bodies too, but I have no doubt that I am sexually attracted to men and only men.
- Date posted
- 6y
This is a really common belief for all of us OCD sufferers and I think so common that maybe all of us have felt this at some point that we give value to thoughts. We believe they have some value or they might have some deep meaning or they reveal something about me. But when you have OCD, all thoughts are same and doesn't hold any value. They are meaningless anxiety inducing brain function of some neurons.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah it kind of does. But still scares me. I guess I have to live with uncertainty. I hate that I was doing so well but now it’s back.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
- Date posted
- 23w
hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd
- Date posted
- 12w
I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.
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