Idk

Date posted: 5y

I’m really freaking out right now. I keep reading things. I keep getting scared and panicking myself. I’m sweating like crazy right now. Idk if I’m actually lesbian or it’s ocd. I keep reading things and people answer with there’s no such this as hocd and stuff. And how someone had ocd and thought they were bi but officially said they were gay. I’m so scared rn.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Cheeks

Date posted: 5y

Your HOCD isn't even a fear of actually being a lesbian. It's fear of losing things that you already have as a straight female. The more you panic about this, the more you ruminate and read things, and the more you give in to the thoughts and start analysing them the more your brain is going to take them seriously. Stop analysing, reading, or whatever else you've been doing and just live parallel to the thoughts. You've made it this far in life knowing you're straight, don't let OCD thoughts make you believe otherwise. Also, for what it's worth, I think women are beautiful and have stunning figures but I'm a straight as hell female.

catpants

Date posted: 5y

It seems like you’re doing a lot of reassurance seeking in this thread too. The more you ritualise (read, seek reassurance, compare your experience to other people’s, seek reassurance that you’re not a lesbian, ask other people if hocd is real) the more you indulge in your ocd, the worse your intrusive thoughts about being a lesbian will become. It’s a vicious cycle you seem to be right in the middle of.

Catlady

Date posted: 5y

My friend, those people are wrong. HOCD is real. I’ve spoken to many people struggling with this on this app before and I know it’s OCD and not their sexuality. Remember, OCD is called the doubting disease because it can make you doubt ANYTHING!

Anonymouse

Date posted: 5y

Remember this, sexuality is something you are born with, it doesn't change, if you ever tried and found that you are not attracted to your gender, then no matter what happens except for hormonal treatment, your sexuality will not change. If people's sexuality was fluid and could change over lifetime, then all those gay/lesbians throughout history would not need to struggle with their identity or go to any hormonal therapy. They could just force themselves to be straight through their mind.

Idk

Date posted: 5y

Yeah I also read an interview with a women who got through hocd. She ended up saying she wasn’t afraid to say that women are hot and that she can get turned on by looking at their naked body. But still know she’s 100% straight so is that normal? Because I’ve seriously never had feelings for a girl or wanted to be with or or fantasied about one. I liked fantasying about boys and I want to go back to that.

Idk

Date posted: 5y

Thank you, I actually also just read that ocd chooses to attack things that are important to you. And it makes sense. Thank you for the advice! I very much appreciate it!

Cheeks

Date posted: 5y

OCD absolutely attacks what is most important to you which is what makes it so paralysing. If the thoughts come back just let them sit in your mind and give them no fear or rumination or even thought and they will subside.

Anonymouse

Date posted: 5y

Let thoughts be there in your mind. I love that phrase "live parallel to the thoughts" Get comfy with the thoughts instead of believing them. Tell your thoughts "Okay whateva ?"

Idk

Date posted: 5y

I wish I can just realize that. But then I tell myself what if I’m really lesbian but I tell myself it’s hocd just to make myself feel better. What if they denial.

Catlady

Date posted: 5y

I really don’t think they’re in denial. I think the way to handle this is to let the thoughts be there and not try to reassure yourself. The thoughts are like a bully, constantly demanding attention. The best way to resist people like that is to not give them the attention they want. The thoughts should get weaker over time.

Anonymouse

Date posted: 5y

HOCD feels very real, to an extent that you actually will feel attracted when you are suffering from it. It is just HOCD, tell yourself no "what ifs"

Idk

Date posted: 5y

The thing is I do think girls are pretty and have nice bodies. But it scares me to think what if that means something. Or that there’s more to that. I’ve read that many straight women get turned on by women’s bodies but have to desire to touch them or be with them. I know I have no desire like that. But what if I do. And I’m trying to ignore it. It’s all just so much and it’s so confusing.

Idk

Date posted: 5y

And if I was lesbian I shouldn’t be so afraid of it. Ik my family would accept me. But then I’d have to leave my bf and it wouldn’t mean I didn’t love him all along.

Catlady

Date posted: 5y

I don’t know if this helps, but I think girls are pretty and have nice bodies too, but I have no doubt that I am sexually attracted to men and only men.

Anonymouse

Date posted: 5y

This is a really common belief for all of us OCD sufferers and I think so common that maybe all of us have felt this at some point that we give value to thoughts. We believe they have some value or they might have some deep meaning or they reveal something about me. But when you have OCD, all thoughts are same and doesn't hold any value. They are meaningless anxiety inducing brain function of some neurons.

Idk

Date posted: 5y

Yeah it kind of does. But still scares me. I guess I have to live with uncertainty. I hate that I was doing so well but now it’s back.

Ellie.

Date posted: 24w

I’m begging ANYONE help I can’t take it anymore!!

I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???

Relationship OCD

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 23w

Panic

I was scrolling on here and now I’m having a panic attack. Someone posted resources and one of them was a NOCD article and I thought that was so great. I clicked on it because I like learning about this disorder and I love NOCD’s resources. But I read that one of the compulsions for pocd is watching cp? I thought that wasn’t a thing with POCD. I literally cannot breathe because I feel like this thing is now possible and I cant calm down. That was the first time I’ve ever seen that stated as a compulsion. I feel like I’m dying. What triggered my spiral in the first place was months ago someone contacted me and told me they watched it but claimed OCD and I felt absolutely horrified. I deleted my account and removed that person entirely. I am freaking out so bad I really can’t seem to breathe right now

vicelizviz0121

Date posted: 22w

So-ocd

Im a 21 year old female in a straight relationship with the best guy a girl could ever ask for. About 2 months ago, I went to get coffee with a friend and as I dropped her off, I got a “weird” vibe from her and the look she gave me which lead to the thought of “should I kiss her”….Ive never had a thought like that before and I never have ever wanted to kiss another girl. I have also never had a desire to be with another girl (sexually or romantically). Now though, I have had one other experience of being with a different friend going to get lunch and it felt weird. Ever since then I have been on google non stop with hundreds of different searches, questioning if im lying to myself of my boyfriend, wondering about my past relationships even though Ive only dated boys, been attracted to boys, crushed on boys, etc… boy crazy! Reading on other forums has been a big thing too or doing quizzes. I believe its SO-OCD but im so scared that what if its not. I am in therapy and actually had two weeks of not even thinking about it or googling it until yesterday. I dont know what to do.

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