I’m really freaking out right now. I keep reading things. I keep getting scared and panicking myself. I’m sweating like crazy right now. Idk if I’m actually lesbian or it’s ocd. I keep reading things and people answer with there’s no such this as hocd and stuff. And how someone had ocd and thought they were bi but officially said they were gay. I’m so scared rn.

Your HOCD isn't even a fear of actually being a lesbian. It's fear of losing things that you already have as a straight female. The more you panic about this, the more you ruminate and read things, and the more you give in to the thoughts and start analysing them the more your brain is going to take them seriously. Stop analysing, reading, or whatever else you've been doing and just live parallel to the thoughts. You've made it this far in life knowing you're straight, don't let OCD thoughts make you believe otherwise. Also, for what it's worth, I think women are beautiful and have stunning figures but I'm a straight as hell female.

It seems like you’re doing a lot of reassurance seeking in this thread too. The more you ritualise (read, seek reassurance, compare your experience to other people’s, seek reassurance that you’re not a lesbian, ask other people if hocd is real) the more you indulge in your ocd, the worse your intrusive thoughts about being a lesbian will become. It’s a vicious cycle you seem to be right in the middle of.

My friend, those people are wrong. HOCD is real. I’ve spoken to many people struggling with this on this app before and I know it’s OCD and not their sexuality. Remember, OCD is called the doubting disease because it can make you doubt ANYTHING!

Remember this, sexuality is something you are born with, it doesn't change, if you ever tried and found that you are not attracted to your gender, then no matter what happens except for hormonal treatment, your sexuality will not change. If people's sexuality was fluid and could change over lifetime, then all those gay/lesbians throughout history would not need to struggle with their identity or go to any hormonal therapy. They could just force themselves to be straight through their mind.

Yeah I also read an interview with a women who got through hocd. She ended up saying she wasn’t afraid to say that women are hot and that she can get turned on by looking at their naked body. But still know she’s 100% straight so is that normal? Because I’ve seriously never had feelings for a girl or wanted to be with or or fantasied about one. I liked fantasying about boys and I want to go back to that.

Thank you, I actually also just read that ocd chooses to attack things that are important to you. And it makes sense. Thank you for the advice! I very much appreciate it!

OCD absolutely attacks what is most important to you which is what makes it so paralysing. If the thoughts come back just let them sit in your mind and give them no fear or rumination or even thought and they will subside.

Let thoughts be there in your mind. I love that phrase "live parallel to the thoughts" Get comfy with the thoughts instead of believing them. Tell your thoughts "Okay whateva ?"

I wish I can just realize that. But then I tell myself what if I’m really lesbian but I tell myself it’s hocd just to make myself feel better. What if they denial.

I really don’t think they’re in denial. I think the way to handle this is to let the thoughts be there and not try to reassure yourself. The thoughts are like a bully, constantly demanding attention. The best way to resist people like that is to not give them the attention they want. The thoughts should get weaker over time.

HOCD feels very real, to an extent that you actually will feel attracted when you are suffering from it. It is just HOCD, tell yourself no "what ifs"

The thing is I do think girls are pretty and have nice bodies. But it scares me to think what if that means something. Or that there’s more to that. I’ve read that many straight women get turned on by women’s bodies but have to desire to touch them or be with them. I know I have no desire like that. But what if I do. And I’m trying to ignore it. It’s all just so much and it’s so confusing.

And if I was lesbian I shouldn’t be so afraid of it. Ik my family would accept me. But then I’d have to leave my bf and it wouldn’t mean I didn’t love him all along.

I don’t know if this helps, but I think girls are pretty and have nice bodies too, but I have no doubt that I am sexually attracted to men and only men.

This is a really common belief for all of us OCD sufferers and I think so common that maybe all of us have felt this at some point that we give value to thoughts. We believe they have some value or they might have some deep meaning or they reveal something about me. But when you have OCD, all thoughts are same and doesn't hold any value. They are meaningless anxiety inducing brain function of some neurons.

Yeah it kind of does. But still scares me. I guess I have to live with uncertainty. I hate that I was doing so well but now it’s back.