how to tell the difference?

How do I tell the difference between Sexual Orientation OCD and actually being... a lesbian? I am in a longterm committed relationship with a man (who is pan) and i am afab kindaaaa cis? im not sure. i am CONSTANTLY questioning everything about myself. people say that questioning is beautiful and a part of life but i know that my OCD is probably making it a bigger deal (mental load and relationship wise) than it should be. I never even considered OCD could be a thing in this way before I got on this app! since me and my bf started dating i have explored a whole range of expressions, identities and even sexualities as my boyfriend encourages me to still explore my sexuality outside of him. I recently told him I wanted to abstain from sex for self-growth reasons and he has fully supported me through these months. The thought that "oh I might actually be a lesbian, how would I possibly navigate that? Do I really love him? Am I faking this entire thing? How is this fair to him?" has crossed my mind a few thousand times in the past few weeks. The thoughts were always lingering in the back of my head but turning 22, exploring my masculinity again and feeling sorta distant from him has made me all.. weird. when he says he loves me i feel weird. when he kisses me i feel weird. i still love him, i still hug him and want to cuddle. but i can't get rid of the thought that maybe i actually am gay. or maybe i'm only attracted to girls bc of my OCD? is that even possible ????!!!!! can a queer person PLEASE help me out here. i will take any insight i can get.

[Deleted]

Date posted: 2y

Comment deleted by user

raccoondoll

Date posted: 2y

@jocd i only say queer person bc i want insight from lgbtq peeps to validate my confusing experience. im new to trying to manage my ocd and i can't afford therapy right now, how do i just sit with it and accept it? i've been sitting with it for years and its starting to really affect me

raccoondoll

Date posted: 2y

@jocd i dont think me seeking reassurance from other queer people is a compulsion! i need insight from people who are going through the same things as me, so i can know if this is an ocd thing or just really me questioning my sexuality :)

mothmanda

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

I heavily relate to your experience. After years of exploring and dealing with these questions, I still don’t really know my sexuality or full gender identity, and this may be due to OCD. But I’m trying to be fully accepting of this uncertainty, which I’d recommend you do too. Whether or not you stay in your relationship should be based on whether it feels enjoyable/healthy/meaningful to you (regardless of whether your brain tells you you are gay) and if you need time for this answer to become clearer, that’s perfectly fine. Ruminating over this will only make it more confusing. Like jocd said, there is no right or wrong answer.

NMRTHGHTS

Date posted: 2y

Do you even want to try other sexualities?? Because your bf could have suggested it but did you even want it?? It seems to me like you're doing it more because of him than for your own interest

raccoondoll

Date posted: 2y

@Grm2 oh no, my boyfriend didn't suggest it. i have always been more attracted to women and struggle with my identity whether im in a relationship or not. i am more *worried* about my boyfriend than i am myself though. i don't want to make a wrong choice or disappoint him or anyone i love.

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 20w

Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 20w

feeling helpless

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

Masc4lesb

Date posted: 16w

LESBIAN WITH SO-OCD

hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd

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