How to handle OCD relapses with self-compassion and effective strategies.

So I’ve been struggling to write this down. The truth about OCD is that it sucks. I get weird thoughts and they stick. And because I can’t confirm their weird thoughts i get stuck in a cycle of rumination. That’s my compulsion. I avoid people and situations because I think I’m a bad person. Which ultimately drove me into depression and more. The verdict is this: you can’t make a thought go away. You can accept it as a thought even if you feel doubt about accepting it and letting it be there. Fake it till you make it. I’m faking it everyday and I’ve grown so much since staring my exposure therapies. Don’t avoid your exposures. They become so easy like water. The hardest part is starting. Rumination is a choice - believe it or not. I go, wait a minute wait a minute, I don’t want to keep figuring this out. And I feel the train tracks move and my mind goes else where. This is with therapy. This is with holding on to my last string of hope. And to make this easier for all of you. I’m a mother. My ocd has made my life harder because I have a tiny human who relies on me. I had a horrible childhood with the main billion still in my life. I’ve accepted it. Accept and move on. Work out for 5 min a day. Buy a new gym outfit that makes u feel hot!! Eat something different like a good quality chocolate bar ( a piece ) enjoy it!!!! Chew it slowly. Drink some water. Listen to your heart not your OCD . We don’t need compulsions, you will get there and one day believe it. Live with ocd like you don’t care! You’ve gotten this far. Rewrite your story this year. Start again everyday. And take it day by day… Build your peace and remember, nobody has the motivation to get out of bed, it’s about building good habits and discipline. Start preparing your meals for thanksgiving. Give charity, pray to god once a day. Tell him your letting him take over. Now get up and , 1,2, ready set GO.

This is simply advice that helped me and in no way am I qualified to tell you what to do but only to relay my experience. Please speak with your therapist first and foremost. - ERP: You need it and it feels so amazing when you have someone help you along the way -whatever your brain is telling you that you do not deserve to do (exercising, eating (in general or healthily), skincare, dressing nicely, your favorite hobby, etc.) JUST DO IT! will you be riddle with guilt? yes. will it feel sooo wrong? yes. Will you feel anxious? yes. Please just take care of yourself and think of it as an exposure because I think it is! Refuse the conditions of OCD. If that doesn't convince you, do it for the younger you, the five year old you who dreamt of so much. Do that hobby and activity they would love for you to do - Listen to music and consume content with meaningful and uplifting messages. This is for everyone and especially those of you compulsively researching OCD and whatnot and watching videos and all that stuff. Don't get me wrong OCD knowledge saves lives, but when it becomes all consuming its doing more harm then help. Try to take in content (non-compulsively) that is uplifting and positive. Not to necessarily make you positive but to give your brain happy content- feed your brain the stuff you want more of. This is kind of silly but I love listening to the Spirit movie songs by Bryan Adams- they're kind of badass. -Think about and visualize a future that is full of hope. Ok hear me out. Whenever I would think of the future it would be dark and scary which is terrifying but normal with OCD and especially with depression. As I get better whenever I think about a future but on my terms and with everything working out great, I would feel great and then awful thoughts would flood my brain. This scared me and it still does but I realize that avoiding thinking about a positive future was a compulsion for me (you might not relate to this because its kind of niche and that's ok) -Stop monitoring how you feel. I deal with this more as I lean into recovery. I notice OCD sneaking in as scary feelings. Feel them but ignore diving deeper. Remember your brain has been fixated on a scary outcome for a long time so of course we will get the thoughts and feelings and all that stuff (Don't think about a pink elephant!). Your brain lies whether that is a thought, image, urge or feeling. It will do anything to 'protect' you aka, make you do what you are convinced will make you feel safe which are your compulsions. Resist it all-continue doing what you normally do even if you feel like the most disgusting and horrible person. Like Dory says "just keep going" -Stop monitoring how recovered you feel and stop trying to feel 'perfect' or 'just right'. Just live and go through your day doing what you value no matter what you feel. This is SO hard, it's so much easier said than done but you can't get better if you are obsessed with getting better. Look out for this OCD sneakiness and mention it to your therapist. -Gratitude. Be grateful for whatever good you do have no matter how deserving or undeserving you feel. Be grateful that OCD resources and help is becoming so robust in our time. Be grateful if you have people who support you. Be grateful for your therapist. Be grateful for every single good thing. Even be grateful for your brain! I know, I know, but think about how it's just an organ and it thinks its doing its best to protect you even if it is being supeeeeerrr not helpful. -Focus and help others. This can be hard especially with themes like Harm OCD and POCD but I know how it feels. Focus on how much your sibling would appreciate you helping them with their homework instead of focusing on how terrifying it would be for you with the onslaught on negative thoughts. Think about how much your dog would love to go on a walk and explore the world and not on how awful you will feel doing it. I did it and I know you can. -Stop waiting to love and respect yourself before you do things that will help you love and respect yourself. Stop waiting until you feel better to do what you love. You build self love, trust, and respect by continuously and purposefully doing what you love and what you value. -Stop the internal whine. Ok, listen I am not trying to invalidate how absolutely debilitating this disorder is, but I realized for myself that the internal whining I had about this was keeping me stuck. "why me!" "I love my family, I love children, I love animals, etc., why did I have to have this obsession?" guess what it would stick if it didn't matter. How do you make someone do what you want? By threatening what you love most. It sucks but thank goodness you are tough. You are strong and absolutely capable of handling this disorder. But you won't know this until you try and until you do what it takes. -Accept it all. The thoughts, images, and every part of this confusing and even traumatic experience. Accept that you have OCD and that comes with constant doubting and upsetting thoughts. Accept and find some self compassion for your torment. Accept even when you think you possibly can not. Acceptance helps you detach from the thoughts and creates space for it to be there with out determining who you are and what you should do. This are just some things that continue to help me through OCD recovery. Feel free to ask question below but not reassurance because I will not give it. I love you all so very much (yes even you who thinks they are the exception and thinks that if I knew what they thought it would not apply to them, especially you!!!)

-just get through this next hour (or break it down even smaller, “next 5 minutes”) breaking down your day into bite size time increments makes getting through a tough day feel more doable and I think, helps to prolong or entirely prevent you from a compulsive behavior you’re considering doing -View getting through a tough moment as entering “challenge mode” you are the first person in a video game, a badass hero in a movie, you can handle the anxiety and discomfort and pain like a champ!!! Your city is counting on you! -preferably with the help of a therapist to guide you…Lean in a little then disengage. Whatever it is you’re afraid of, set a timer for 5 min to dive into that fear and take it as far as you can in your mind, imagine the worst case scenarios if your fear comes true, then after the timers up, disengage with the obsession while still welcoming the unpleasant feelings and lingering what if’s, but ultimately moving on with your day. (If you have somatic OCD, focus on that sensation hard for 5 minutes) -if you’re having a sh*t day, focus on how you can make the day better for others. Be mindful of this potentially becoming a compulsion…a way for you to try and completely escape your unwanted thoughts and feelings…rather, continue to welcome them while doing things to make others feel good. -remember that everyone’s got struggles and you’re not alone❤️ go live your life, unconditionally. You’ll feel how you feel, it’ll go however it’ll go. You can handle anything.