I need help but there’s no one

Im 14 years old and from Texas , I’ve been struggling with extremely bad intrusive thoughts/feelings/urges since I was a child. It started off as having thoughts of hurting my little sister, and then those thoughts started turning into “urges”. And the urges are what really made me suffer. I would cry to my mom everyday because I thought I was a psycho. My mom is Christian so we would pray together, at one point the hocd went away. Now everything after is a blur, but after hocd I remember in 4-5th grade I struggled with soocd, also called hocd. I had thoughts of girls and whenever I saw a woman I’d get feelings I didn’t want, I always thought I was in denial , but I think it was ocd. But at one point I accepted that I’m gay, because I really didn’t think there was anything wrong with me being gay and there isn’t still, but by accepting it, the ocd had nothing to bother me with. But now that in struggling with very bad sexual thoughts, they seem so real. Getting near a family member or pet makes me feel weird. I get weird thoughts and weird indescribable feelings that end up making me ruminate for the rest of the day because of how scared I am of them being real. I had panic attacks because there were children around me at a restaurant. Every single thing I do/feel around anyone or anything, every movement I make with my body that I don’t do on purpose, my mind starts saying “you did that on purpose” “you wanted your dad to see you like that” . It’s so tiring. I’m 14, I’m scared. It feels so real and it’s like my head is always making me feel uncomfortable and weird. I get feelings that I don’t want but then it feels like I do so I start ruminating about why it felt real. I try telling my parents I think I might have some sort of disorder, but they don’t listen. At first my mom was helping, but she shrugs it off and says that I just need to live with it like she did. I told her maybe mine is worse and she just scoffed at me. I love my mom but when it comes to mental disorders, I don’t think she listens to me. But she does try to help sometimes. And I’m thankful that she doesn’t completely ignore me. I just don’t know what to do, when I try talking to her about it , it’s like my brain freezes. And my hearts pumping out of my chest. There’s not a day that goes by where I’m not worrying about something and anxious. I just need help. And i don’t know how.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

There’s a lot of great resources on here, like videos and live Q & A’s with therapists who specialize in treating OCD. Would your parents support you getting therapy through this app? Would they allow you to see a doctor to talk about medications? You’re not alone. So many people struggle with what you are going through, including myself.

Yeye123

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous my mom booked a 15 min call a while back, she just explained how I have intrusive thoughts and anxiety and the woman asked for some sort of info like my moms card or I’m not sure what and my Mom asked her if she’ll let her find it and the woman said she’ll wait (at this point it had gone past 15 minutes) and when my mom got what she needed the woman hung up. And it was pricey too, I’m sure they’d be up for it. But another problem, my mom would be with me through the whole thing. And I’d hate that so so much. That’s the main reason I stopped asking them that I want to go to therapy. Because they’ll probably have to be with me and I don’t want that.

Walkingtalki...

Date posted: 2y

Omg. I'm 14 from NC and this perfectly describes my experience. I dont know if I even have ocd im just trying to find some help. You are not alone.

Adi7

Date posted: 18w

Advice please ❤️

Hi ❤️ I’m really struggling right now I’m in my sophomore year of Highschool and I’ve finally started planning or thinking abt my future (for context I was extremely depressed and suicidal from 6-9th grade) After conquering my depression this is a huge leap for me and I’m proud of myself ❤️ But there’s something still holding me down :( and I’m not sure what to do anymore that thing is OCD. Since 6th grade I have had strong and invasive intrusive thoughts all the time they scare me so bad and make me feel as though I’m not even real anymore :( I’m sick of taking the time to do ridiculous compulsions to rid or ease these thoughts it’s a waste of time and energy and it hurts me so bad I feel like I will never get to just live my life without this :( How can I plan my future when I can’t even find myself in this mess of anxiety 💔 I’m so tired of fighting my mental health it’s been years from anxiety attacks to sh to survived suicide attempts (I got help dw❤️‍🩹) and recovery there. Just to be thrown into a storm of awful scary sickening thoughts day and night-when can I just be a normal teenager and possibly a happy adult? How do I conquer this so I can love myself to the fullest and live my life free and happy? :( ❤️❤️‍🩹 I’m so scared to talk to my parents about it I’m ashamed of my thoughts and every time I bring it up they just say I shouldn’t be diagnosing myself or it’s just ADHD. It really really hurts me they have no idea how awful this feels and it makes me feel so alone sometimes 💔

Rohannn

Date posted: 12w

I really need advice.

I'm 15 turning 16 soon and I'm 100 percent convinced I have ocd.. I have been having major symptoms since I was 13, the constant what ifs, rumination, compulsions, guilt, anxiety from intrusive thoughts. I tried to open up about it to my parents when i was 13 but they dismissed it cause they don't believe in mental health.. I really want to get better. My parents won't listen to me and I don't wanna tell a teacher at school cause that would make things worse as they would just tell my parents and obviously since I'm 15 I can't afford therapy.. I don't know what to do :(

jupiter

Date posted: 9w

I don’t know how to live anymore

(Long post warning) Hi, I’ve been struggling with severe OCD for six years now. it started in 2019 with my theme being getting sick/emetophobia. it devastated my life. I almost didn’t graduate high school from it. I remember washing my hands for three hours one day until they were nearly bloody while crying and asking why I could not stop doing it. I remember id have to write and rewrite sentences when I did my English homework and that’s why I nearly failed that class. I remember how I would spend up to thirty minutes to an hour pacing the halls of my apartment while my mom was asleep until I neutralized the thoughts about throwing up and I could finally go to bed. I don’t know when it happened, but my theme switched. Sometimes in late 2020 or early 2021, it switched to POCD. It started with a single thought, and I focused on it and it’s been my theme since then for four years. It has been absolutely destroying me. I feel so disgusted and lost and just tired. My compulsions are severe now. I thought they were bad before, but now they’re ten times worse. I can’t eat, drink, change my clothes, walk, or even do things on my phone normally. I’ve developed so many mental compulsions that it’s so intricate and complicated yet at the same time I’ve done them so much that they’ve become normal. An example I have is if im putting on a shirt and I have a “bad” thought, I have to take it off and put it back on two more times (that’ll make it 3 times I put the shirt back on - odd numbers are my safe number). I have to have a good thought on the third time otherwise I have to take it off and put it on two more times to make it five times I put on that shirt. If not that then I just put on a different shirt because the original is now tainted with my bad thought. I can’t open apps on my phone. It’s with the numbers again. If I open TikTok once while having a bad thought - I have to close it and open it two more times and so on. Sometimes I do it up to 30 times. So I just don’t do things usually. I don’t turn on the TV because I know I’ll redo it. I don’t open a book or grab it off my shelf because I’ll have to repeat the action. I can’t even lay in bed without getting up and redoing it even if im exhausted. I just feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting and even now my minds screaming at me that I am dirty and what I think is true. I just wish I was free of this, I wish I could just live my life. I’ve wasted hours and days because of my compulsions. I mask it so well around my friends. I don’t do them in front of anyone or I’ve learned to hide it well. But when im back home alone, it goes haywire. I just want to live again.

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