mostly good but

Just wait until one day, someone flat out rejects your apology. It will happen if you expose yourself enough. Not everyone is going to like you. You’re not supposed to be friends with everyone. It happened to me and I was caught off guard. I made my brother upset and did apologize for what I did, but the apology made it worse! He’s gone no contact with me and made it clear he hates my guts, by retaliating and breaking my stuff, throwing all gifts I gave him away, stealing my food, and talking trash about me behind my back. It’s all very bad, but at the same time, it teaches me that not everyone is your friend and will think highly of you. And no matter how much you may want to make things right or be at peace, it’s not going to happen with everyone.

You CAN overcome this! I struggle with a different kind of OCD, but my sister struggles with what you are going through. She takes meds, but also does therapy. She has bad days and good ones, but over time it has gotten better. It’s a long journey, but be patient with yourself, and know with time, support, and practice, it will get easier. Sometimes you feel helpless and like nothing will get better. I know I feel like that. But its just about showing up day after day and doing our best to fight back the OCD. Its been YEARS, and I’m still fighting. Stay Strong!! You can do this!

This is hard, it’s why I always need closure. Times when I’m not able to get it are really hard, but I’m learning to accept that you won’t get closure from everything. Also, most of the time when I start ruminating ab my past, it’s bc smthn else right now it’s bothering/stressing me out. I would get to the tangible root of that (for example I have a stressful deadline coming up) and try to deal with that first and see if that helps. Or just start talking out loud to someone ab ur spiral and realize how much ur putting urself thru unnecessarily. If the person cares ab u, chances are they’ll tell u how unecessary it is. That or I go on tiktok for 6 hours😀

My heart goes out to you. This can be so hard. I think people with OCD just feel things on such a deep level. We can be so hyper-aware of others and their emotions, as well as our own. The problem is that often times they aren't thinking about us anywhere near as much as we think that they are. We also cannot control what other people think and feel. I think when you have OCD you also can tend to view other people's opinions as more accurate or more real- this is due to the distrust of ourselves I think. The good news though, is that this can be treatable and manageable. It sounds like you have seeked out help in the past. Have you done any ERP specific to these fears? ERP stands for Exposure and Response Prevention. During ERP, you’ll gradually confront situations and triggers that cause you anxiety and discomfort, but instead of doing the actions that make your thoughts stop, you’ll learn to sit with the anxiety and accept the uncertainty behind the thought. Eventually, you’ll find that the anxiety is significantly minimized over time. Essentially, it’s a treatment that teaches you how to effectively respond to OCD thoughts, images, and urges. It’s the most proven way to get better and reduce your OCD symptoms quickly. Here is a helpful resource that goes in more in-depth on ERP: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-erp-and-does-it-work-for-ocd-cbt. If you are interested in learning more-Our Care Team will typically begin with a free 15-minute call to discuss treatment, answer any questions you have, and book your first appointment. Please feel free to schedule a convenient time that works best for you here: https://learn.nocd.com/scheduler

does anyone have any advice? :(

I hate when this happens. You’re not alone! I replay things in my head too, over and over and over again. Even when I already apologized, I can’t do anything about it now, and it might not even be bad in the first place. Reassurance right? The temporary relief? I’m SO tired asking for reassurance. I’m so tired of feeling it constantly doing something wrong - I think it’s really cool you recognize this!! That’s the first step!

It’ll be ok! We can work on this together. For me, I’m trying to recognize when it’s the OCD vs when it’s thought I actually need to pay attention to