I need help.

Hi..idk where to start but I feel like I’m ruining my life so maybe somebody on here can relate maybe even give me hope. About 3 months ago maybe things started to change. It all began very small and harmless. Double checking that I put something down in its correct specific spot…making sure the outlets were unplugged before exiting a room…being positive that I shut or locked a door. I didn’t think too much of it as I have other family members in the house that have similar small habits. However, mine did not seem to stop there. Mindlessly and subconsciously, they got worse. Not only was I double checking locked doors, I was now pounding on them and shaking the door handles violently without reason. Just “making sure” they were shut. Flicking light switches on and off multiple times, usually in a set of 3, just because I had to. Putting my debit card back in my wallet only to open it right back up because what if it somehow isn’t in there anymore. I couldn’t understand why all of a sudden I was so unsure of my own actions. Always so anxious and so afraid I was going to do something wrong and that somebody might get hurt because of it. At this point in time, daily tasks become debilitating. I stare at things and just start to cry knowing that I have a struggle in front of me all of a sudden that shouldn’t even exist. A new and very annoying one for me would be turning sinks off. I have always washed my hands an excessive and unnecessary amount of times daily but now I refrain for the fact that if I turn a sink on, shutting it off becomes a 5 minute ordeal due to be feeling like the water is still on even tho it is clearly not. I doubt my own senses constantly. Even if I can see something perfectly I think “what if”. At this point, my family and friends have begun to notice and get quite annoyed with my involuntary actions. Me myself, also. I don’t want to be this way. So many road blocks in my day that don’t need to be there. Typing this even I have had to reread it several times searching for typos and imperfections. I don’t want to have to shut and press down on the fridge door 3 times in a row anymore. Any advice or kind words would help please & thank you for your time.

Michie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

First things first you are NOT alone! I struggle with a lot of internal compulsions, I struggled greatly with POCD to the point I didn’t think I would make it so therapy was my last option. I was able to get help and have been so much better! The best thing you can do for yourself is to expose yourself to anxiety inducing situations. Close the door and lock it then walk away. You will have thoughts of oh my god it’s not locked! This or that is going to happen! And let those thoughts be there, say ya that may or may not happen, I don’t know. All I know for sure is I locked it. OCD will most likely come back with a BUT YOU DONT KNOW FOR SURE! And just be ok ocd, whatever you say, I’m going to go about my day now. OCD is setting off alarms like the fight or flight when there is no threat but it doesn’t realize that. The best thing you can do for yourself is to sit with the discomfort and the unknown. Get comfortable with not knowing for sure. That’s the best way to beat this! I know it’s scary but exposure prevention is the best way to go and resisting compulsions, I know it’s so hard but resist as best you can! You will inevitably do compulsions at some point so don’t beat yourself up but try to resist! I would suggest obviously talking to a NOCD therapist and thinking up exposures together but thinking of situations where ocd is showing it’s face the most is a good place to start to not do the checking. My harm ocd is currently getting bad and I won’t explain what I’m struggling with as I don’t want you to be triggered and then have to deal with that on top of what you’re already going through but I would also fear my door wasn’t locked, people would be home and I’d have to lock it and check it’s locked every time. So one day I just didn’t lock the door and went to work and I had intrusive thoughts and said ok ocd, whatever you say, I’m going to go to work now and I’m not going to ruminate over this so thanks but no thanks lol I hope this helped and made some sense!

jennafitz

Date posted: 1y ago

@Michie thank you so much for your suggestions. I definitely am willing to try anything and I think this could be a good place to start. I know a lot of my thoughts must come from overwhelming anxiety and fear. I guess a good way to get over it would be to just jump in heads first and deal with the uncomfortably. Rather that than drive myself crazy the rest of my life.

jerib

Date posted: 1y ago

@jennafitz you’ve very strong.

jennafitz

Date posted: 1y ago

@jerib Thank you <3

Michie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@jennafitz That’s what gives ocd it’s fuel! The unknown! Fear and anxiety! You can do this!

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

It is going to be ok and you are going to be able to overcome these things with exposures in therapy. Reading your story was actually very eye opening to me of memories that I have actually had a lot of those compulsions in the past. I’ve had ocd my entire life and am only just now getting help. Im 21 but have specific memories of ocd ruining my life at 11. I’ve had compulsions take over my life like the ones your describing and I’ve had obsessions that were just ruminating over something in my head for years at a time. Have faith in yourself that you can get better becuase 3 months of having ocd is relatively short. You’ll definitely be able to retrain your brain a lot easier than me!!

jennafitz

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous thank you for the encouragement and hope your comment has given me! You are so strong fighting this for so long. I am so happy you are now getting help

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w ago

I'm fearing myself and I hate it

I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"

sara_24

Date posted: 19w ago

Anxious about everything

Guys I need help. I feel so alone . Basically I have this compulsion where I feel the need to write everything but this stems from me being anxious about EVERYTHING. Like my mom came in my room and I was irritated and snapped, immediately regretted now I keep writing “don’t be mean to mom next time” but I keep thinking about it. Then I think about how I finally left my house today and all the surfaces I touched that could’ve been contaminated and now I’m writing “next time don’t touch this and this”. Then I think about all the things I need to be doing for this week and I’m writing “don’t forget to do this and this” even though I’ve written it 5 times already. This is what happens everyday btw. My brain always thinks about something I need to be doing and making me anxious that I’ll forget it which is why I write it down on my notes app. I’m sooo mentally exhausted I need help pls!! Anyone have any advice ? I used to think I need to stop the writing but really I need to stop the anxious thoughts coming into my head . People say I need to accept the thoughts and let it go but that’s too hard for me

cows12465

Date posted: 19w ago

please advice please!!!!

I feel like there’s no way out of this. everyday i’m anxious and depressed from these thoughts. i feel like i have to constantly question if it’s OCD or not. the panic attacks are insane and i freak out. and a compulsion i have is looking eveything up on the internet when im stressing to know that it’s just my OCD and im not in danger. but looking things up add on to my thoughts and i start thinking “what if” actual suidcal people think. do others with this theme whenever they do something like if im taking a picture it’ll be like “yeah you look happy people will wonder what happened when your gone” LIKE i DO NOT want to end my life. or even as simple as cleaning my room, “yup keep it clean so when your family goes through your stuff” then i panic and can’t even do anything. those thoughts distress me so bad. i’ll sit there and think how good my life is or when im having a good day my thoughts will be like “NOPEEE what if your just saying that to convince yourself” it never shuts up and genuinely makes me think i have SI or something. i hope this reaches the right people just to know im not alone. Even when i do get better in the back of my mind it’s always “people who want to are the same a day before too” im genuinely scared and im scared one day im going to just snap and do it because its “too much” do i need to go to a mental hospital! i feel insane.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

I need help.

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community