This doesn't belong here but I have nowhere else.

I know this doesn't belong here but I've tried posting on Reddit but received nothing. For context yes I'm a huge worrier about health and I'm probably a hypochondriac. So basically I'm convinced that I have cancer and I've been convinced of this for a long time. I have this hard lump under my rib that's been there for a long time. Also one of my toes is really inflamed and doesn't look normal. People will tell me just go have it checked out but I can't. I can't face what could come of it. People say if I'm that worried I could have it looked at by the doctor but I can't think of a single innocent explanation for the lump. I want to cry because at this point I feel like I've accepted something I don't even know because I'm convinced the chances of it being nothing bad are so low. The only way to know would be going to the doctor but I just can't. I'm so sorry for posting this here because it is not the place for this but I don't know what else to do. I can't describe the feeling of having convinced myself of something that could actually turn out to be true. It's crushing.

Username: KamiimmmKamiimmm

Date posted: 1y ago

No it’s completely okay and amazing you posted it here. I’ll be praying for you but you are a soldier you can handle this and deal with this. This is a giant to face but you can and I Believe you can make it to the doctor.

Username: squirrelobsessedsquirrelobse...

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you so much, I don't think I'll ever go to the doctor about it. It's sad but part of me would rather not know if it was something so awful and incurable. The fact that it's been there for so long sort of reassures me but I don't know what that stands for. Thank you again for your kind words :) :).

Username: riah_riah_

Date posted: 1y ago

This is completely valid and 100% belongs here. I have gone through the exact same thing so many times. I don’t have any advice but I just want you to know you belong.

Username: squirrelobsessedsquirrelobse...

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you so much this means the world. I'm not even sure I have ocd (likely but who knows) but this community is so warm and friendly. Thank you :) :).

Username: riah_riah_

Date posted: 1y ago

I have random lumps and have been convinced I have cancer and refused to go to the doctor because I would rather not know. It got swollen and finally broke and went to the emergency room because I was so worked up and they told me it was not cancer and still believe it sometimes, so just know you are not alone.

Username: KamiimmmKamiimmm

Date posted: 1y ago

@riah_ You are never alone. God be with you.

Username: FJustRightOCDFJustRightOCD

Date posted: 1y ago

This isn't out of place in that whether this issue is a serious health issue or not, it sounds like there is a lot of OCD inserting itself to this already distressing situation. Do you have an ERP therapist? Yes, I agree that it's good to get things checked out by a medical doctor, to rule anything out, and then address your OCD accordingly, but I can empathize with HOW HARD IT IS TO FACE THIS! I have felt a lot of strange lumps and bumps, and have even seen skin marks that I was convinced "had" to be skin cancer for how unusual they were, and not normal freckles in the usual places. Well, I was scared of going to the doctor I would avoid it at first but then the fear would get to a point of the less-scary thing to do being going to the dr. And every time I left, I felt glad that I went an faced the issue head on. It's like the quote "the only way out (of worry) is straight through", in that the longer we avoid things we remain stuck on one of a river in worry, when the places of peace we'd like to go to is on the other side. We can stay miserable in being stuck in our worry, or we can risk jumping to the other side with yes, that possibility of being led down a scary river. A bit part of ERP is accepting this give or take, this risk reward, this understanding that life does come with some really crappy scary things, but learning that whatever it is, we CAN HANDLE IT. Our wildly imaginative (not in a good way) OCD-brains anyways tends to imagine scenarios that for the most part are always worse that what we end up experiencing. I've been through so many moments in which I thought I was gonna die, yet here I am, living an OK life in spite of all the uncertanties. Am I still scared of all the uncertainies? YES! But they don't stop me from moving forward as much > this can be you too....have hope ....that truly, YOU WHAT IT TAKES to handle and surpass the scary things..:)

Username: squirrelobsessedsquirrelobse...

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you so much for this reply! I don't have an ERP therapist but I've heard about it. Whether I do have ocd or not is up for debate ig but nonetheless it's really scary. Facing the issue head on makes so much sense but I'm not sure I would be able to! Ignorance is bliss and all that ig. Even so your words are really appreciated and I'll likely think about the doctor in the future. Thank you :) :)!

Username: FJustRightOCDFJustRightOCD

Date posted: 1y ago

@Chlo3264 - sounds good! Know you're noooot alone, OCD or not. Also, I've heard people who don't have OCD but have a lot of specific phobias say ERP helped for them too. I hope you can talk with an ERP specialist here at some point and maybe ask the questions you have :)

Username: freiafreia

Date posted: 1y ago

I can understand your fear. When I missed my gynecology appointment for some years and my dermatology checkup, I was convinced that I had cancer. My moles looked cancerous and my private parts felt like ther was something. I was to afraid to go see the doctor and get the message that it is cancer. What helped me was that I found other reasons to go an see the doctors and make the cancer check up just as a side task. For the gyno I made the appointment to talk about contraception and for the dermatologist I asked for a special cream I needed. Then I could focus on the easy thing and let the cancer thoughts be in the background. Maybe you can find something similar. Go to a doctor to get a cream for your foot or a check for your posture or sth that does not scare you and focus on that . For the lump at the moment I don't have an idea. But maybe you can someone to come with you ir even make the appointment for you. Someone that pushes you through your fear. Lumps can have easy explanation. Tensed up muscles, some kind if fat or connective tissue deposited there. An old injury. Or other benigne growths.

Username: squirrelobsessedsquirrelobse...

Date posted: 1y ago

That's a really good idea I hadn't thought of that, thank you! It is really terrifying and I hope that one day maybe I'll be brave enough. Thank you :) :)!

Username: wannabe12

Date posted: 5y ago

So, I’m spiralling right now. My dad was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma 5 months ago. Since then, my anxiety has been all over the place. 2 weeks ago I got a swollen node under my jaw, no other major symptoms. It was movable and painful to the touch. After a week of it not going away, I went to the GP and she said not to worry, it’s probably some kind of an infection, otherwise it wouldn’t be painful and it my throat wouldn’t be red. She gave me antibiotics. Now, I’m almost done with the antibiotics, and I can still feel the node. I think it decreased in size, but I’m really not sure and I keep touching it (it’s a compulsion, I know :( ), but it’s not painful anymore. I’m really anxious and my dad’s diagnosis is just making everything seem more real :( But, at the same time, the rational part of me knows I’m overreacting. Aah, this is so idiotic :(

Username: sometimes_mary

Date posted: 4y ago

I have had anxiety issues for years and have been in therapy for that. But a big change in my life made it spin out of control. Btw, I am a bit of a control freak. So, for the last year, health anxiety has reigned. It all started when I had a panick attack and ran out of the operation room where I had to go under for a very simple, preventive procedure (I was convinced I wasn’t going to wake up.) I faced it again and made it. But after that I have been going from one health scare to the other. Skin cancer, oral cancer, breats cancer, HPV related cervical cancer - went through each recently. These are accompanied by panick attacks, insomnia and anxiously googling symptoms and testimonials. Every visit to the doctor end with panick that I forgot to check other important symptoms or that she might not be taking me seriously and miss something important. Now I am worried about a lymph node under my jaw that is slightly swollen. I know chances are it is ok and it is not cancer, it’s my anxiety. But what if it isn’t? And on it goes. I just want to stop worrying and go a day without googling symptoms or health issues. I am waiting for it to pass as these periods of health anxiety are kinda like panicks attacks - they build up, they peak and then they pass. I am afraid doctors will stop taking me seriously (this week I saw my doctor for a melanoma scare and a sore breast.) I am afraid when my doctor doesn’t investigate further and I am afraid when she does. I know it is absurd (I recently googled eye cancer) but I can’t stop. Sorry for the long post, I guess I wanted to write it all down and share it.

Username: Anon17

Date posted: 2y ago

Please tell me someone else has experienced this??

I’m trying so hard not to post on here because i know it’s a compulsion. However I’m just so beyond scared. And this is health related and i know most of you are going to say you need to see a doctor or something along those lines but I’m just wondering If others have experienced anything like this and how to overcome it. I’m so beyond scared of having a brain tumor. Like it’s taking over my life. I’m scared to death of having a seizure because i know seizing is apart of brain tumors. I honestly don’t know what to do at this point. I keep feeling pains and sensations in my head particularly on one side. And because i know that brain tumor pain is normally localized in one spot i am freaking out. My mind keeps telling me “what if you are forgetful” so i keeps repeating my name, where i work, families names, etc to make sure I’m not in confusion and forgetting things. My eyes keep twitching, i am anxious 24:7. And normally being anxious would make me feel better in a way but now I’m scared to be anxious because anxiety could be a symptom of an underlying brain tumor. I don’t know what to do. I’m to scared of going to the doctors. What if they tell me i actually do have a tumor. Would i want to catch it early, of course i would but i am wayy to scared. These pains in my head are so beyond scary. The only thing making me feel somewhat okay is the fact that they come an go (and sometimes all over head as opposed to one spot) Like this morning i was fine with no pains but now they are here and I’m sick to my stomach. I’m also scared of feeling any nausea or stomach cramps because i know that vomiting is a sign of a tumor. And This morning i woke up with intense intense anxiety and i literally had a vision of me in the hospital getting a tumor removed. And it was beyond scary 😭😭😭

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