Moral Questioning

@sahalee It’s just ruined like my whole night and morning already. I’m also afraid someone will read this and think he’s a bad person

@spookycupcake It’s so exhausting that like when I get a moment of clarity it’s almost funny because I would never think this about someone else but since it’s my partner and I have ROCD it’s like the harshest judgment of all time.

@tired! Oh hey we responded to each other’s posts about the same thing! But yes lol it gets so exhausting and confusing

@spookycupcake Haha I saw that! Yes feel free to message me anytime about this type of stuff. I completely understand it. It sounds like we have really similar situations

@tired! Thanks and same to you! I never used to see people posting about this kind of thing but I have been seeing it more often lately so it’s relieving to be able to relate to people on it

@spookycupcake I’m feeling a bit triggered about something and was wondering if you could chat!

@tired! Yes what’s up?

@spookycupcake I’m not sure if you saw my latest post but basically I’m having fear about the jokes my boyfriend makes and it’s really causing me panic

@tired! Like they’re just kind of dumb jokes kind of offensive but like not mean nor racist and this triggers me really bad on his judgment and morality even though I know he’s a great person to everyone

@tired! I can totally relate to those worries. I’ll read the post for more context

@tired! Okay I read them and I have totally been there before like where he made jokes I found disturbing even if they weren’t truly harmful to any community. My boyfriend basically did the same thing where he said he would just stop making jokes like that but then he would say a different joke that really bothered me and the cycle would continue. But it’s hard for him to gauge when it’s okay because it kinda depends on each individual circumstance. And I think he does make jokes that bother me much less often now. Maybe combined with the fact that I get less anxiety from it too? But we’re doing better with that stuff now since we had some more vulnerable conversations about it recently. I think as long as he’s willing to be sensitive to your concerns (which based off of your posts he is) as opposed to just completely writing it off and not caring at all then that shows good potential for this issue to be resolved and worked through!

@spookycupcake Thank you so much. Yes he definitely hears me out and we talked about it again and he says he will just stop with stuff like that until we can figure out where the line is. Cause like you said it’s obviously nuanced so it’s hard to tell. Because sometimes I think if it weren’t him making the joke I’d laugh it’s just like sometimes the perfectionism takes hold. It just really makes me spiral when I feel like we have to break up over dumb jokes.

@tired! I’ve had the exact same thought!! I find myself hearing jokes from YouTubers I like and being like “would I find this upsetting if my bf said it”, and my bf can get really fed up with my nitpicking too which makes me more triggered about the whole “is this toxic” thing so I think even if he isn’t perfect about his response always that’s just human but his willingness to listen and try is what’s really important I think

@tired! Easier said when it’s not currently happening but it’s just your brain thinking these things are urgent when it’s really probably not as bad as it feels

@spookycupcake Thank you so much. Sometimes I just need a way to bring me back to reality where m my brain doesn’t make it a huge scary thing.

@tired! Of course!