Relationship OCD

Hello! I have been in a relationship for 8 years with my boyfriend, and I am trying to figure out why I am getting these obsessive thoughts about my boyfriend, and I am trying to learn how to not let them rule my life and my relationships. Because they are. I have a million thoughts a minute when I get annoyed by something he does. Oh where to begin! I have crippling OCD (and have had it since age 7), and it has always affected the relationships that I have in my life. ESPECIALLY my romantic relationships. Does anyone have any advice on the intrusive thoughts that are pounding in your mind when you are in your relationship? Thoughts such as: is he the one? Does he love me? Do I love him? Is there someone better? Is there a more perfect person? (This specific thought it toxic bc there is no such thing as a perfect man.) I also tend to focus on the negative. For example: things he does wrong, things he could do better. I want to think positive: focus on the amazing things about him, his amazing qualities. But my mind does not let me go there sometimes. It’s ruining me. I’m too focused on the future as well. These thoughts are making me almost resent my boyfriend… and 99.9% of these thoughts aren’t true at all and they are not making my life easy and it’s really effecting me. Thank you guys!

l419

Date posted: 2y

Try to distract yourself by pursuing something else you can work on. It can be home decoration, a new career path, a skilled hobby, fitness. Dive deep into something that feels right for your identity. This way he can’t be the center he will be a component. It won’t get rid of it, but this will help

Madam Stardust

Date posted: 2y

@l419 This is a good bandaid, but like you said it won’t cure it. The only way out for good is through. Were trying to learn to accept the thoughts without needing to do anything about them.

l419

Date posted: 2y

@Madam Stardust Right, I also don’t think its healthy to give ourselves a lot of time to obsess over something that is part of our ocd. In an environment devoid of stimuli the brain will choose pain over emptiness. Not having healthy interests generally makes relationship anxiety worse with or without ocd.

Anonymousgirl

Date posted: 2y

I know how you feel! I remind myself that these are my thoughts and ocd acting up, that it’s not truly how I am. It’s so hard, especially if you are in love with your boyfriend, and all of a sudden have these thoughts. I totally get you sis!!

Ocdqween

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymousgirl It’s so hard. I’m glad to know I am not alone! It’s just hard to differentiate the thoughts that are true and or not because there are so many at once

Madam Stardust

Date posted: 2y

It sounds like part of you KNOWS the truth. No one’s perfect, these thoughts aren’t helpful, he has great qualities, etc. How about working to identify more with the part of yourself that is thinking how you’d like to think already. Affirm that part of you IS thinking in a healthy way- that’s great! Can you turn the part that is not thinking healthfully into a character? They aren’t YOU (you are defined by an unchanging, constant, compassionate observer of your thoughts and experiences). Try stepping aside a little instead of “Does he love me?” Try to say “I’m thinking about whether or not he loves me.” Getting a little distance from the thoughts helps you take control of them 🧡

Ocdqween

Date posted: 2y

@Madam Stardust Yes!! THIS. So much easier said than done. I will definitely work on that. Thank you so much. It helps knowing that those thoughts aren’t me. It’s just so hard to understand which thoughts are true and which aren’t. I hate OCD.

KEV66

Date posted: 2y

Play along with the thoughts,say maybe it is so.Remember ,no certainty with this disease or life.

Kay.lee

Date posted: 25w

Hi @Ocdqween I’m also dealing with this. It’s hard especially when we argue because my brain tells me that because we’re having an argument, that my entire relationship is just arguments. Overall I have all of these same thoughts. Did you overcome this? If so how?

e2222

Date posted: 22w

Relationship OCD?/am I just evil

I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.

lulu2

Date posted: 11w

Relationship OCD - PLEASE HELP

Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.

Relationship OCD

naiad

Date posted: 9w

Relationship OCD

Hi all, I’m F(20) and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend M(20) for 10 months now. Lately it feels like I’ve been getting triggered at the tiniest thing. My relationship OCD is centered around the idea that my bf will leave me, that suddenly his feelings will change and he’ll never look back. Inherently I know this is irrational and I know he loves me very much (as he tells me repeatedly when I compulsively ask for reassurance). I just can’t make my brain stop. I just feel so unsecured. He will mention that one of his friends drove an hour to see him for only 30 minutes. I will then spiral that I am not possibly doing enough and it’s because he’s secretly done with me and he’s longing for a reason to leave and go be with this friend instead. See? Truly irrational. But I cannot stop it. Any tips at all? Maybe I’m at least not alone in this. I often feel literally insane:(

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