ROCD Help With Communication Needed

I posted earlier about not being amused by some of my boyfriends jokes. I would say they’re edgy but they’re more just like cheeky I guess and I make them a lot too. The problem is sometimes when he makes them I really don’t like it because I think it’s inappropriate or I wouldn’t have made that joke. I talked to him about it and we are having a hard time sorting this out because he doesn’t understand what’s okay and what’s not because sometimes I make the jokes too. It’s hard because I don’t even understand it’s just sometimes he crosses the line where I wouldn’t and I don’t know how to figure this out. He said he will just stop with most of those jokes until he can see where the line is with me and we can go from there but I still feel really anxious about this. I’m worried about breaking up over this because I see people online that are always fed up with their SO because of things like this. I’m scared and I don’t like it. I love him so much and I don’t want this to be the thing that will break us up.

Drumz

Date posted: 1y ago

Good job in at least trying to communicate with your SO. With that being said, both you need to come together and see where you see eye to eye when it comes to being inappropriate. Remember that specific communication is most effective. For example, “I don’t think it’s appropriate when you crack jokes about sex while you and I are out with my family because it makes feel embarrassed”. Give your SO an opportunity to also respond and give their 2 cents. If both of you don’t agree on what is or isn’t inappropriate, then you would try to find a middle ground. Something where the both of you can accommodate each other

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

@Drumz Thank you for the reply honestly I’m spiraling a bit I know. And the part that I have a hard time understanding is that like he does always act appropriately with everyone and knows how to read a room. But it’s like as soon as we’re alone I’m way more judgmental almost. Like I need someone else to tell me it’s okay to laugh or like that they wouldn’t be offended by the joke. It’s quite complicated in my head I think

Drumz

Date posted: 1y ago

@tired! I get it, OCD loooooves us to do mental gymnastics for “reassurance”. Exposure and Response Prevention is a huge challenge but science and studies show that it can help when done with a professional.

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

@Drumz Definitely, I already talked to my therapist this week but I let her know I need another session this week.

avacado3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Hmm one thing that you might be dealing with, that ocd likes to do, is make you think you have responsibility for the actions of others or the things they say. I know that when I had ROCD about my family relationships, I didn’t like that my brother would say negative things about other people. I felt stressed out because he would do this, and would want to try and turn it positive or avoid that negativity. But that’s just ocd playing a trick - because we cannot control what others like to say. So perhaps a good exposure would be a script about your boyfriend and him making so many inappropriate jokes and you having to break up with him over this - because ocd wants to blow this issue out of proportion and make you scared that you will lose him because of this since you care about him. This is most likely ocd trying to get you here and maybe an ERP will give you clarity!! Hope that this helps 🤗

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

@avacado3 Thank you so much. This really helps me out. I often get so confused in my own head about whether or not it’s a big deal or something I need to worry about. IT’s especially hard when it’s a bit of both. Thank you for your advice.

tired!

Date posted: 1y ago

I feel like I just need someone to tell me they’ve overcome this

BunnyTailz

Date posted: 25w ago

Relationship OCD

Hello, I recently discovered I may have relationship OCD. I haven’t been formally diagnosed yet but I started experiencing thoughts like “I don’t really love him” or “I’m gonna break up with him”, and sometimes even thoughts that he doesn’t love me or he’s gonna leave me. This all started when I got a text from a former partner, and it was very surprising. I thought since it affected me so much that it meant I still loved him and that I didn’t love my current boyfriend. Before this event, I struggled with intrusive thoughts and compulsions but never about relationships and I didn’t think I had OCD. I wasn’t experiencing any of these specific thoughts before I got that text, and it’s really scary and I’m afraid my thoughts are true. I really do love my boyfriend but these thoughts are really making me depressed.

meglucy

Date posted: 20w ago

ROCD spike!! ADVICE WOULD BE AMAZING!!

Having a really bad day with my ocd. Just had a massive meltdown. I’ve had 3 sessions with an ocd therapist and I feel worse. This is very confusing to me. I’ve read online that it’s normal to feel worse at the start of therapy, but i don’t know. I’m asking for a lot of reassurance from people, way more than I have ever done. My doubts and thoughts seem to be getting worse. My mum said if the relationship is making you so unhappy why are you doing it? This was sooo triggering for me but maybe she’s right? She said if I didn’t have the relationship in my life, I wouldn’t be having meltdowns or have an ocd spike, so she thinks I should consider whether to be in the relationship or not! Omg it’s so awful to hear those words. But maybe she is kind of right? If somethings making you anxious or unhappy, you stop don’t you? So why haven’t I broken up with him? That would be the logical step. Im so worried to make myself even more ill so im very scared to carry on with the relationship, because right now, my mind is telling me its the cause of my unhappiness and i would be better without it. But is that my ocd speaking? How do I know?! My life without him would be so bleak, or is it my life without the idea of someone in it? I have so many questions, it’s overwhelming. What if I’m not listening to my gut? Maybe I’m not. That makes me feel sick if I’m ignoring myself again. This is torture. What can I do to stop all these doubts and feel better about things!!! I would love some advice 🙏🏻🙏🏻 (this is my ocd talking, but comments that agree with my ocd are very triggering like ‘yes if you feel like that that is a major red flag’. Just comments that maybe give some hope, thank you 🙏🏻)

sgray4

Date posted: 19w ago

Relationship doubts

I’ve been struggling with relationship OCD and differentiating between what is an intrusive thought and what is a real doubt. I was really happy with my partner then I got one aggressive thought that I didn’t love him and this spiralled into noticing all his flaws. I struggle being around him because I feel a huge sense of guilt that these thoughts even come into my head and I cannot figure out if this is my brain lying to me or this is how I feel. It’s really impacting a relationship that is so important to me.

Relationship OCD

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ROCD Help With Communication Needed

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