benjita1

Date posted: 2y

Existential OCD and DPDR

I have had OCD for about 20 years and have experienced many themes during this time but I have found the hardest to be the existential theme. This theme started about 3 weeks ago and has centred around the universe. I was driving home listening to some music and a thought went through my mind about the world and gravity etc… this is something I have never really had an interest in, possibly because it caused some anxiety when I was younger but I just cannot shake the thoughts. I have also been experiencing DPDR episodes over the last 3 weeks too which makes the whole situation quite terrifying. I have been put on 50mg Sertraline so I am hoping this will hope and also start ERP Therapy either early September/October (NHS waiting list). I understand it is quite a common theme but it can be absolutely terrifying at times!

mbfaraoni25

Date posted: 2y

hey i have dpdr and i totally get where you’re coming from. your brain is trying to make sense of the anxiety and feeling “not real” so your brain becomes hyper aware of its surroundings. that’s why you start to question things you never questioned before, especially existential stuff. and it’s super terrifying but they’re just thoughts and don’t need to be paid attention to

benjita1

Date posted: 2y

@mbfaraoni25 Thank you. It is the strangest of feelings but know it’s a natural process to feel. It doesn’t always help when your mind comes up with stupid questions which you know will lead you down a rabbit hole and endless googling!

mbfaraoni25

Date posted: 2y

@benjita1 of course! i hear you, the endless googling gets me every time but honestly it helps me to stop googling and just let the thought be a mystery

RMO2023

Date posted: 2y

What is DPDR? I have existential OCD since I was a teenager. Trust in God is the solution. The fact that we will never have all the answers, but we can trust HIS WORD because Jesus shows us who God is, and He is good.

benjita1

Date posted: 2y

@RMO2023 It’s Derealisation and Depersonalisation

klin18

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Hey! I also had OCD for about 20 years and recently started ERP. It’s hard but, man, at some point you’re going to be like, “where was this the whole time??” Recently I’ve been excited by just how at home I feel in my own brain for the first time really since I can remember. I hope that gives you some hope and that the waiting list moves quickly for you!

benjita1

Date posted: 2y

@klin18 Thank you for your reply. I’m looking forward to starting ERP and getting back to normality/reality!

davem2

Date posted: 2y

@benjita I’m in a very similar situation as you. I moved to a new state for work and began living alone 500 miles from all my friends and family. Yet over the first month and a half I had to travel 8 hours each way three different times to and from home. To move all my stuff and attend my best friends bachelor party and wedding. With all the time I’ve now been spending alone and taking of extra days off I think the stress just got to be too much for me and it triggered some existential OCD and at my best friends wedding I would say disassociated from the reality of everyone else and people kept checking to see if I was ok because I externally didn’t seem happy on my best friends wedding day which kind of made things worse. I too have gotten a prescription for sertraline @ 50mg that I am waiting to be delivered. Hopefully once I get situated on that medication I can start ERP as well. I will say that when I was a child of about 8 years old my dad had got deployed to Iraq almost immediately after I moved in with him and I was left in the care of his wife that I barely knew and I went through this at that age. The questions are a little deeper at my current age and my responsibilities are obviously greater now however I lived 20 years of a normal life in between. So hang in there. We Will both get through this.

benjita1

Date posted: 2y

@davem2 Thank you for your reply. I am sorry to hear the issues you have also had. I was very hesitant about taking the medication at first mainly because of the listed side effects but after speaking to the doctor we agreed I should give them a try. We will get through this 👍🏻

davem2

Date posted: 2y

@benjita1 Also, I have been dealing with it for about 3 weeks also. Knowing we are following the same path brings me comfort!

benjita1

Date posted: 2y

@davem2 Brings me comfort too!

davem2

Date posted: 2y

@benjita1 I just got off of the consultation for my therapy to begin and it’s similar to yours. They indicated a September start date. I found a YouTube channel of a woman who went through what we seem to be going through and she seems to have overcome it and found a vibrancy in her life again. I’d love to share her channel with you if you’re interested. Until my therapy starts I’ve been doing a lot of walking, I’m beginning to meditate. I’ve avoided reaching out to people in my life who have very chaotic lives as I’ve found it difficult to conceptualize my life as highly stressful with my underlying existential themes. I’m also going to start supplementing magnesium and vitamin D in my daily diet as I’ve researched that magnesium has calming effects and vitamin D help our body metabolize it more effectively.

benjita1

Date posted: 2y

@davem2 That’s great news news about your therapy. Please do share the YouTube channel. I have avoided YouTube up until now as I was worried about being overly consumed with information (TikTok has done a good job at that!). I’m really into cycling myself and hope to get back out on the bike tomorrow! Walking is a great activity to do, do you live in the countryside or city? Thank you for all your help and support. It’s much appreciated and I am really pleased that I made the first step of posting my first story on here!

davem2

Date posted: 2y

@benjita1 Robin Schindelka is the YouTube channel. Her videos do have triggers so only indulge when you have the energy to do so. I live in a suburb of a large metropolitan area. It’s my pleasure to try and help. Helping has always been a positive outlet for me. I think the biggest step for me so far has been acknowledging that though my thoughts have been scary and overwhelming that the OCD is what is causing me to chronically think about them. Don’t forget to live life throughout all of this. Rest when necessary but don’t let it pull you down to where it can be the only thing you think about.

davem2

Date posted: 2y

@benjita1 How are you feeling today?

benjita1

Date posted: 2y

@davem2 Feeling a bit better today, thank you. How about you?

davem2

Date posted: 2y

@benjita1 Honestly last night I was almost felt like I had some segments of normal life where my mind was a little quieter. We will see how today goes. Starting the day is always the hardest part for me.

davem2

Date posted: 2y

@benjita1 How ya holding up?

benjita1

Date posted: 2y

@davem2 Not too bad thank you, on day 8 of the medication but know it’s going to take a few more days to kick in. Trying to keep myself busy the best I can and enjoy the summer holidays with my family. How are you doing? Has your medication arrived yet?

davem2

Date posted: 2y

@benjita1 Yes, my medication has arrived and I was able to start therapy early on Monday of last week and have had two sessions so far. I haven’t started my medication yet as I’m a little apprehensive due to some depression from the existential angst and I have slightly higher blood pressure. I live alone so I worry about any adverse reactions a little more since I may not notice a difference internally. I have however lost 20 pounds since July 25th which is fine because I could afford to lose the weight but 20 pounds within a month is far from healthy. I will say I feel like I have had moments of normalcy since we last spoke. Idk if I’m recovering though or if it’s just due to my body and mind getting to exhausted to really think.

benjita1

Date posted: 2y

@davem2 Well done on starting the therapy, I hope it is going well for you. I know it’s early days but just starting it is a massive start. Completely agree about starting the medication. Some of the side effects are a little concerning and I completely understand what you mean. Hopefully we will both get back to normality soon!

benjita1

Date posted: 2y

@davem2 How are you doing mate?

davem2

Date posted: 2y

@benjita1 I’d say mostly better? Yourself?

davem2

Date posted: 2y

@davem2 I still feel disassociated and what not but I haven’t been having as many panic attacks

benjita1

Date posted: 2y

@davem2 Yeah, I think the medication has taken the edge off things. Can’t wait to start the therapy and get my life back on track.

davem2

Date posted: 2y

@benjita1 Have you had any side affects from the meds?

benjita1

Date posted: 2y

@davem2 I have only really had tiredness and I kind of grind my teeth a bit but other than that nothing else. I have felt almost normal today - first time in ages. Have you started yours yet?

davem2

Date posted: 2y

@benjita1 Not yet, a friend of mine is coming to visit next week and I’m gonna prob start while they are around for 4 days so I have some supervision. Just because it urges you not to drive and concerns with depression and possible increased suicidal thoughts.

davem2

Date posted: 2y

Yes, I am also hesitant. But I opened up to some friends in my life and found that some of them have been on it for years without anyone even knowing and that alleviated some of my concerns. I am optimistic!

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

How ERP helped when I was afraid of existence itself

I used to get caught in a loop with existential thoughts very frequently. Every question made my stomach drop: (TW: existential questions) … … ... "Why does anything exist at all? What will death be like? Is anything even real? Is there any meaning to this? Is the universe infinitely big, and if not, what's beyond it? Are there multiverses? Has the universe been around forever? Will the universe end for good, or will it keep going forever? What is forever like? What even IS reality?" It would get so overwhelming that I remember lying on the floor in a fetal position for hours because I felt like there was no escape. I spent most of my days reading articles and watching videos about theoretical astrophysics and philosophy in a desperate attempt to "figure it all out." Of course that only made me more anxious, raised more questions, and kept me trapped in the cycle. Things started to improve once I learned to turn TOWARD reality, rather than away from it, and ERP really helped me do that. I learned that these questions weren't the problem. I learned that I can actually handle the anxiety that arises when exposed to these ideas and concepts. I don't have to figure anything out to make the anxiety go away; it arises and passes away on its own. Ironically, bringing myself into the present moment and becoming more aware of reality helped me escape the cycle of existential dread. Because of that, this topic no longer takes over my life. If I'm triggered by something I see, hear, or think, I may still feel a little twang of anxiety, but then it just goes away. "Maybe, maybe not" has been the single most useful phrase of my life. Do you ever get trapped in a cycle of existential questions? Are you worried that the ERP approach would be too scary to handle? If so, I'm happy to give my advice.

Existential OCD

iLounge21

Date posted: 18w

ERP for Existential OCD?

Been struggling with existential OCD lately. Very hard to describe the thoughts/feelings, but it is a constant feeling of being stuck in my head. Like what is consciousness and where do I think from? Like I think it’s OCD, maybe it is maybe it isn’t. But if it is, what would be good ERP exercises? Just existing (lol)? And what would be my response prevention? I’m not even sure what mental compulsions I may be doing.

Existential OCD

user23456789

Date posted: 16w

Existential OCD

Hey guys so I’m new here and just recently started struggling with some health ocd and thinking I had a brain tumor but it’s taken a turn for the worse and become this existential ocd where I’m questioning quite literally everything in my life, the purpose of being here and stuff. I just started meds yesterday, which is scary for me cause I’ve never been on them before. I keep having thoughts like, why does everything feel like a blur, what’s the meaning of this and I wake up every day with just existential dread. I’ve been having very vivid dreams that make dreaming and reality confusing I also am scared cause I’m dealing with some DP/DR as well. I just wish my life could go back to a few months ago before I knew all of this was possible. I guess I’m just writing this too get it off my chest and see if any of you all have gone through something similar and made it out okay?

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Existential OCD and DPDR

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