Anxiety?

@spookycupcake Sorry I was sleeping already last night. I’m up now, what’s going on?

@tired! I’m not super anxious about it at the moment but My bf jokingly said he wouldn’t survive in a fire because I couldn’t lift him (this isn’t the part I’m upset about). So I said the firefighters could save him and he said he didn’t want the firefighters to save him. I asked why and he said jokingly “what if I become smitten?” And I’m afraid that was homophobic. In general he makes jokes sometimes that makes it sound like he’s thirsting over guys, I can’t think of examples but they’re basically very similar to the one I just described and sometimes I worry that those jokes are homophobic. Also he says “shalom” as a jokey cutesy greeting all the time and I’m afraid that might be antisemitic. I know his political/social justice values align with mine but that doesn’t necessarily mean his jokes aren’t problematic so idk

@spookycupcake I know exactly what you’re talking about lol for me i think a lot of the reason I worry is about my bf being interpreted as problematic rather than him actually being problematic. Because I know like he is a very good person morally. If my other friends make jokes like that I really don’t mind. I think I project my perfectionism to be morally good on to him as well where like I need everyone to think that I’m a good person even if I don’t know them where as he can get that internally without having to be super PC or like needing everyone’s approval. Where as I need everyone to know that me and my boyfriend are super moral people or else we will get cancelled or something.

@tired! I guess I worry more about I being “bad” rather than only what people would think. Or like if by other people’s definitions they would consider it “bad”. I feel guilty for it just trusting what I know about him but sometimes he does do things that I morally think are wrong like not being completely honest on a resume for example and that worries me too because those I know aren’t just my anxiety

@spookycupcake For not just trusting*

@spookycupcake I totally know what you mean. It’s probably driving us crazy because it’s a grey area. We are likely in a black and white mindset and we see a good person doing something we think is bad and it drives us crazy. I totally understand though. But I think in the end it’s okay because it’s not really hurting anyone.

@tired! Yep I totally struggle with the black im and white mindset, when it comes to myself even too.

@spookycupcake Me too. It got really bad when I was on tiktok like I would try to consider how literally everyone felt if I was on there. So if I saw something that someone didn’t like I would implement that into my daily life. When in reality like some random persons personal opinions and offenses or preferences really don’t have anything to do with me in real life. Obviously this doesn’t apply to like objectively bad things like bigotry lol but I mean like I’m half Mexican and I would be really concerned about what these people online thought about this because I’m “white passing” and not “traditionally Mexican” it’s really not healthy for our brains to consider everyone’s opinion all the time.

@tired! True like why does one random person’s opinion matter as if it’s the objective truth

@spookycupcake Right so it was just better to get off of it for a while

@Seekingfreedom Yeah it was stupid but it really set me off lol. We talked about it and after time of pattern of not-exactly-thought-out comments and a bunch of other checkboxes he’s looking into getting some help with ADHD. it’s funny cause I know he doesn’t mean harm but it still pisses me off lol

@tired! Also I’m pretty sure my bf has made the same joke before lol if not very similar