new to this but want to get better n be better

im in a relationship and me and my partner are recently taking a break right now. i want to be able to learn more about myself and get better mentally, i would obsess over the thought of him cheating if he wasn’t texting me or calling me. would constantly check his location, i would feel like he didn’t love me. but after talking before going into our break i realized i was just obsessing n thinking to deep into us n only thinking negatively. im not diagnosed with ocd but my therapist mentioned that i fall into the category of it haven’t gone to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed yet. but it helps having a label to what i experience. i just want to know if there is any tricks or tips people might have on obsessing to much on the other and not on urself, i want to be able to control my ocd in my relationship, and in myself i don’t want to constantly have these inner mental battles with myself anymore and be able to think without overtly thinking too much into anything or obsessing over the most mundane things and only thinking negatively about something. we’re taking this break to find ourselves mentally and individually. we dated young and are now entering the stages of adulthood and i want to make this work because i truly love him and seek only the best for him. i have done certain things that help with the overthinking and obsessing over these thoughts and the what if’s idk im just rambling now i hoped this app would help me in some way to learn how to control my thoughts and to get out of my bubble so much i isolate myself with my thoughts and its causing me more harm now and others.

itsquietuptown

Date posted: 2y

So much of this sounds like I could have written it because my boyfriend and I went through something similar last year. I won’t give you the whole story and there were some differences and a specific situation that influenced it a lot, but we ended up having a break of about a month. It was more his decision because I was terrified he’d end up deciding to break up with me completely, but I accepted the break because I was desperate to do anything to keep him happy and thinking well of me (not the healthiest I know). The break was so painful for me and one of the worst times for my mental health, but I tried my hardest to use that time to look after myself and at least work out the things I needed to work on even if I couldn’t “fix” them immediately (and a lot of them I’m still working on). But we kept messaging and saw each other just as friends a few times, and it was just a way to have a refresh and reassess why we wanted to be together, and we just basically fell back into being in a relationship because it was so natural, but with the intention of actively focusing on our relationship. Sorry for the ramble, but basically you have to try to use this time to really prioritise yourself and your mental health, and take care of yourself and do things that make you feel good and safe. It’s really hard when you haven’t done that for a while, especially if you’ve been prioritising someone else, but it’s so important. I really hope this time will bring both of you what you need ❤️

justagirlcrying

Date posted: 2y

@itsquietuptown tysm this actually helped, and yeah i hope itll all be well too, its just scary going thru this im experiencing not the best of times rn naturally. ur situation sounds alot like mine rn in the beginning i just hope it all goes well for us thank u again.

justagirlcrying

Date posted: 2y

the thing is he has never cheated he’s amazing and always been supportive but he said supporting me has made him lose focus on himself and who he was. it hurt having to take a break it really did, i miss him but i want to be better and i only wish for him to get better and figure himself out. because not knowing who u are or what ur living for is the worst feeling ever as someone who still is experiencing that. we had alot of troubles in our relationship mainly because of my ocd tendencies (im going to call them that since im not diagnosed). but yeah i just drained him mentally so he closed up on me mentally n there was this emotional disconnect between us. he’s my bestfriend and lover and i love him so much the comfort he brings me, he truly feels like home. and i would love to continue being with him. but now im dealt with the cards that he has to find himself and figure his stuff out, and it hurts knowing i caused most of it… i just really miss him but i can’t get myself to stop this break because we need it he needs it for himself and i need it too, even if i don’t want too. im just ranting but yeah any tips that people might have on how to stop overthinking, over obsess on relationships and ur actions affecting others or if ur sayinf the right thing, did u say too much. sometimes i feel like i blabber too much like now, and feel like im never really saying what i mean and im just going in circles in my head trying to explain. and it always ends up blowing up in my face because its like im spamming trying to explain myself and my actions and i just honestly no offense to anyone here but i look a bit insane 😭, n its draining for the other person i just want to learn n be better for myself too because im tired of these damn headaches i get when i think too much and obsess over certain things n it gets too much in my head and then i get too much into my own head and its just like a cluster of emotions and thoughts and feelings i feel like i never truly know what i actually am thinking and theres no logical voice in my head.

Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@justagirlcrying Yeah reassuring someone with OCD is super tiring and exhausting plus when we accuse people based on urges/compulsions it’s hard for them to hear what our ocd is making us think. My boyfriend gets super hurt if I tell him what ocd is making me think. The key is to get ERP therapy, stop giving in to compulsions and urges (talking about it with other people, researching, thinking about it, etc). All of that makes our OCD stronger.

L0ng16aelak

Date posted: 24w

Unsure if I even have OCD

Hello, I’m new to this app. I’ve always had an anxious brain, and I’ve had coping mechanisms for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, from as early as I could spell, until I was probably early teens, I would constantly write words in my head along to the beat of music. It’s such a vivid memory because I never stopped doing it. The word had to perfectly match up to the lyric and I loved that it kept my brain busy. I grew out of that, but felt like good context. My anxiety increased drastically around ages 17-19, and I began therapy. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and panic disorder, due to having a panic attack nearly every day at that time. I overcame that as well, and now the panic attacks are every now and then, but the anxiety is constant, and some recent symptoms have led me to believe I might have some form of OCD. Maybe not. I’m trying to understand myself and get better so I joined this app to make sense of things. Lately I’ve been having really intense intrusive thoughts. I’m really embarassed and they make me feel like a bad person. Thoughts pop in my head seemingly out of nowhere. It will be an image of me harming myself or someone else in a really bad way. (Trigger warning) for example the other day I couldn’t shake the image of me putting a knife through my own forehead, although it’s not something I want to do. Or I’ll imagine someone killing me. I imagine my loved ones dying often. The thoughts feel so out of my control it’s insane. I hate them. Another persistent issue that isn’t as new is replaying social scenarios. I’m a hairstylist so this one is difficult since I meet a bunch of new people every day. I obsess over how I act and if people like me. I will impulsively say things all the time and they will haunt me for weeks. I question even my closest friends and family who show their love. I find myself so angry and numb and like I have so much built up emotion and a busy mind always. While doing my job I spiral really badly if any little thing goes wrong and it’s embarassing. I know there’s more but I can’t think of it now. I just want to feel better and like I’m not constantly battling my mind.

BC123

Date posted: 22w

Relationship OCD

I’m struggling a ton rn and would love some insight from people. My bf and I broke up bc my OCD got to the point where it was extremely damaging to my exes mental health. We’ve been on a break for the last 2 months while I get therapy and help and he wants to try again in August. We talk everyday and fall asleep on the phone but I’m miserable anxious about what he’s been doing during the break. My mind is flooded with the idea that he might follow new girls on Instagram or he flirting and talking to new girls. It’s KILLING me. I’ve made up an entire situation w no proof. And I’m scared it’s not my OCD talking but a gut feeling. I know we aren’t together but it’s not fair to emotionally invest in each other if he’s not being loyal like I am. I’m just losing my mind and need help honestly.

Unstoppable ...

Date posted: 17w

Relationship OCD

Hi I'm new to all of this so I hope I'm doing this right. 5 years ago my 34 year marriage ended. My ex husband was a mentally and financially abusive, covert narcissist. All that is behind me now and I'm finally remembering who I am again. I'm in a relationship with a really great guy but the problem I'm having is relationship OCD. This has taken me by surprise really as I've had OCD from a very young age but never has it been about my relationship. I constantly check messages and go over and over conversations and convince myself my partner will eventually cheat. Almost every single person in his life I can feel threatened by and I hate this for him and also for me as I don't have any peace of mind. This is ruining the lovely relationship I know I could have so I really need to get a handle on it. Has anybody else experienced this and managed to control it?

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