Bad day

Have felt absolutely fu**ed this week… have gone back to old habits of confessing things to my partner, 3x in one week! After we literally broke up because I used to make him read like essay type paragraphs of confessions. And needed “forgiveness”… I’m really angry at myself for doing this to him, and for doing compulsions that I know literally fuel the ocd. It’s just hard when you feel like you’ve done something wrong by your partner, and feel a need to confess. Just a reminder that confessing doesn’t help, ocd will always play more tricks on you and it’s keeping the ocd alive. I need to start doing more ERP everyday and not confessing again. Hope someone else in this app understands…

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 2y

I completely understand my friend. I’ve got this memory of a girl backing up on me and putting her hand over my groinal area. I remember the blood rushing to that area and then feeling aroused. It’s not something I asked her or wanted her to do, the thing happened and finished in seconds , but I feel terrible like I’ve cheated on my wife. I think it was years ago but my mind won’t give me clarity it’s just a fog. I’ve told a friend and I’ve told my wife - but your write it doesn’t work. Now I’m analysing what I confessed - did I say everything - did I miss anything out - am I remembering it right - it’s tormenting me. I think any form of real event ocd is really hard because sitting with it and not doing the compulsions feels your keeping a secret and being even more unfaithful. So far I’ve confessed everything that has come into my mind - I’ve let OCD win every time. I’m not any better - there are things now I don’t worry about - that I used to be suicidal about - but that’s only because I’m focused on another worry. However that does show if you don’t give it fuel it goes away. Keep going - your partner albeit may be frustrated at times - will see it’s because you care. Maybe good for them to do some research on your struggles then they can see them for what they are

SadUnicorn3 🦄

Date posted: 2y

@Jonathan123147 Just wanted to say. Not trying to reassure you, but there’s no such thing as unwanted sexual arousal. You didn’t want that, you did not feel sexual. Sexual arousal and fear based arousal happen in the same part of the body/brain. Just because you were in a sexual situation does not mean you felt sexually aroused, if you did not want that, even if you felt different in your groin area. I will post a link to a page on info about groinal response because then you may feel a bit better about what happened. Please know it wasn’t sexual. https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/demystifying-ocd/202112/making-sense-physical-sensations-in-sexual-themed-ocd?amp

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 2y

@SadUnicorn3 This has helped so much. Thank you

SadUnicorn3 🦄

Date posted: 2y

@Jonathan123147 You’re welcome. Trust me I know how hard ocd is and how much it messes with your brain. But these are the facts, just focus on the facts rather than the lies ocd tells you

Jonathan123147

Date posted: 2y

@SadUnicorn3 It really helped, in my mind I’m connecting arousal with enjoyment and consent. The situation startled me to say the least and it was over in seconds - however OCD comes in and says I wanted it to happened and that she did more that grope (like that would be possible over my jeans and in 2 seconds) You know this so you can imagine where my head is at. My problem is I have a very strong urge to confess. Just horrible. The information is massively helpful - knowledge in this regard is defo power 👍👌💪

SadUnicorn3 🦄

Date posted: 2y

@Jonathan123147 I understand. I used to comfess all the time about every single thing, and have started falling back into old habits. It’s hard. But just remind yourself ocd is your worst enemy. It’s not you

SadUnicorn3 🦄

Date posted: 2y

@SadUnicorn3 Confess**

artsygirl

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Please try to give yourself some grace. Perfectionism is also ocd. We are human.

JordTheNord

Date posted: 2y

You are not alone. It takes time. We all mistakes and have setbacks. It’s a part of the journey and your journey is far from over. You know what to do and you’re moving forward. You’ve already won.

chickenmomma

Date posted: 25w

I struggle with confessing

This is my first post & I’m terrified. I have not been officially diagnosed w ocd yet but in a nutshell - I confessed some things I felt guilty about to my husband about five months ago. ( nothing too major ) but in our past, 20+ years ago I was unfaithful and it caused a LOT of harm, which I told him all of that back when it happened. But in recent months, I started getting consumed by guilt. I couldnt eat or sleep until I finally broke one night and told him all these recent little things I felt guilty about. Acting flirty, etc. And for him it like brought back allll the trauma from 20 years ago which I didn’t know would happen. But it’s so bad. He says he wishes I never told him. But even w that, I still feel like I keep thinking of “new things “ I did in the past, thoughts I had or dreams, or conversation w an ex,things like that. Because I am a Christian I also keep feeling like it’s the Holy Spirit telling me I haven’t told him everything and I need to. But I also know God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear .. I clearly need help, but I also want Christian based help so that it’s in line w what I believe ? I can’t eat and my anxiety is so bad again - I know if I confess more things it will keep destroying him, I don’t think he really understands or believes I have ocd. Thanks if you made it this far

DannyO507

Date posted: 15w

I need help dealing with this

I have been really really struggling for the past 3 months and haven’t been able to stop intrusive thoughts/ rumination and confessing. It’s making me question my entire life, my relationship and even who I am as a person. It’s mainly effecting my relationship, I am so afraid that I did something or think things that are definitely hurtful to my partner. I know my brain is contorting my own memory and making things seem so much worse. I also know I haven’t done anything bad, all my things I’ve confessed about have been considered “normal” and I’ve been told that “you’re normal, you didn’t do anything wrong”. But I have felt this intense sense of guilt and shame and it doesn’t go away, I can’t even be a normal person anymore. And I keep searching for “just one more thing I need to tell” and I don’t want to keep searching my brain of every time I’ve said or done anything that I can distort and make seem 1000% worse. I’m isolating myself and just feel like I’m a bad person. I keep confessing my thoughts, feeling, urges, etc. to my partner and while I know I would never do any of these I feel like my ocd is trying to convince me that maybe I would because “why else would you think it or feel guilty” and that makes it so much worse. I really need guidance on how to handle this. What do I do to stop feeling like this and heal?

Lillo2000

Date posted: 14w

Confession compulsion

I’ve been feeling the compulsion of confession again. I hate confessing things to my boyfriend I don’t want him to carry the burden. I’d rather hurt than him hurt. But I feel I did something wrong and he needs to know. Like I need to be punished or something. I may be over reacting to it but I just feel guilty and I had a panic attack when I woke up yesterday. I would never cheat on him. Just making guys laugh I feel like I am doing him wrong or flirting. And then when I notice it I just feel awful. I just want to be liked and noticed not romantically but just as a human. I don’t know why I act like this and feel the need to tell him as if I slept with someone. I think it’s attacking my biggest fear which is losing him. Does anyone have experience with this?

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