ROCD I broke up with my boyfriend of 1 year

I thought it would help me. I thought being by myself would be good for us, but I just can’t shake this feeling. He is nothing short of wonderful, he’s so charming and charismatic, but then things just started making me worry I don’t love him anymore. Even though I feel I still do, even after I already broke his heart. Now he hates me, which is understandable, or at least won’t talk to me as much. I want to be just friends but that idea doesn’t make me happy. I thought it would. I thought that being by myself and free to explore is perfect. And he is free to explore and find someone better than me. But I hate that. I don’t want that. He agreed to give me a week to see how I truly feel, but I already know my answer. I miss him. And I don’t even know if he’ll trust me again. I love him despite everything I ever said and know I know that OCD ruined everything for me because I thought that getting used to someone being around me was a bad thing. I don’t want it to be a bad thing anymore. I miss his kiss and touch and hugs, and it’s only been a day. Isn’t that crazy? You really don’t know what you’ve lost until you’ve lost it all. And I lost my best friend. Any thoughts?

Iamtheonewho...

Date posted: 2y

I don’t think you lost him, I think you need to sit down and communicate everything you just said on here to him, give him articles explaining this disorder, believe me I’ve been through what you have more than once and it always ended up the same, me feeling heartbroken cause I left the one person I loved and cared about to just going back and being happy again for a little to just thinking again, trust me I know how you feel , but I’m 33 now been dealing with this on and off since 20 years old, my lady now I love her with all my heart she’s amazing to me the best most understanding woman I could ask for, I’ve felt with every bone in my body how much I love her and how happy I am with her, but her for 4 days now constant ruminating and feelings that I want to leave her even though at the same time I feel this safe feeling and love feeling when I’m around her or she’s in the same room, it’s a fucking bitch and scary as hell cause I don’t want my thoughts or feelings to be true , but she’s known all of my issues I’ve talked to her about it I’ve shared articles on the ocd matter and she’s understanding she grounds me she tells me I ain’t going nowhere that she’s a barnacle stuck to me and I absolutely love that . But yet after feeling so much happiness with her I still get that random what if I’ve fallen out of love with her, when just days ago I was fine and happy and not full of doubt

TheWorrierIAna

Date posted: 2y

@Iamtheonewhooverthinks Thank you for replying. It’s hard because I’ve spent a long time while in the relationship telling him about my OCD and he understands and respect me. He had done nothing but make time for me and help me and I let the overwhelming thoughts of feeling like I don’t love him win. I don’t even know how to sit him down when he won’t face me. For a little more context I’m 19 in college and he’s 18 and my college roommate. I let him stay at my house with my parents for the entire 3/4 month long summer without breaks so there was also stress of not having alone time. I feel so empty. I just don’t know how to begin, what do I even start with? What do I say?

ListenToTheWind

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

When you aren’t feeling as triggered, it might be a good exercise to figure out what you are looking for in someone. When I was your age I didn’t know. Sometimes you have doubts because of ROCD and sometimes you have them because they aren’t a good fit for you. Try to make some ground rules for yourself. Relationships aren’t just about love. Once you do and you find someone that fits what you are looking for, do the work to deal with the doubt and uncertainty that OCD brings through exposure. Remember your ground rules. A ground rule might be ‘I won’t date someone who doesn’t want marriage and kids.’ Or ‘I will only date people who are kind.’ Or ‘if I am feeling doubt I will set it aside for 1 month and see if I still want to pick it up’

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