My OCD is Ruining My Relationship

@eliza34 Uncomfortable with you doing ERP*

@eliza34 We both aren’t entirely sure on how the ERP would work. Because of the nature of my thoughts/images he said he wouldn’t be comfortable with that as if it is exposing me to those thoughts he wouldn’t like me thinking about them on purpose. Which I understand a lot too as I know I’d be uncomfortable with thinking those thoughts on purpose. I’m just unsure on what would happen during it if I took the ERP path. But I do know that I want to fix it and to get help I’m just scared of how ERP would be if it means thinking that

@tiana17 I definitely understand your fears; the thought of exposing yourself to anxiety-provoking things is scary! It sounds like you and your partner could both benefit from some education around what ERP might look like for you and the benefits. My partner and I did family therapy as I was starting ERP so we both could receive that education and it was so helpful for our relationship. If you do start therapy (I know things are tough with money and waitlists!), your therapist might be willing to meet with you and your boyfriend together for a session to discuss this. No matter what you do, it sounds like you’ve been beating yourself up about this so I hope you can be kind to yourself 💜

I had the confession compulsion and intrusive mental images too and it also lead to problems with my boyfriend. Give ERP a chance. I understand why your boyfriend would be hesitant about the exposure, but you could ask your therapist about how is it going to be and say that you want to do a different type of exposure (not one involving thinking your thought on purpose). But if that is not possible (honestly I haven't try ERP for this obsession, so I don't know exactly sorry), you need to remember that thoughts are just thoughts. They are not real and you thinking something doesn't make you guilty. Especially with intrusive thoughts. Your boyfriend needs to understand that too. You will be able to discard and ignore your thoughts step by step. Sorry if anything I said bothered you, you can ignore me if that's the case. I really wish you the best.

@eliza34 Sorry I wanted to reoly to OP lol

@yogurt Thank you for reaching out! I feel so alone with this sometimes so your message really helps. I want to try ERP as I know it’s quite good for OCD but I’d want to see if there are other options for the type of exposure I get. I know it’s not my fault and it’s just the OCD but I can’t help feeling like I’m a bad person because of it.

@tiana17 I am glad my message helped :") working with you self steems helps to understand that you are not a bad person, but is a slow process. I really wish you luck searching for other options and you can send me a message if you need someone to talk. One of the first thing I did in therapy was listing my compulsions and finding ways to change them a little to feel more control, I recommed you try that :D

@yogurt Thank you so much. I don’t know anyone else who experienced the same thing I have so it’s really hard talking to friends about it. Thank you for your advice too. How do I send you a message? Is it through something else or do I do it through the comments?

@tiana17 I think is throught coments. I will make a post for it :D

@yogurt I forgot to add that you can mark the post for messages if you want, so it will be like a chat lol

Hit reply button too early. Wanted to add the following: I have been in your situation. I had horrible cheating OCD, also replaying scenes of previous relationships etc. I also thought I was the exception, I was unable to overcome this. But I did, through erp and a lot of education in the topic. I can tell you some resources if you want to know some. Also I wanted to ask, since you said you've tried a lot, what were the steps you took towards recovery? What did you try?

@ROCDmensch Some resources would be great thank you! I tried booking in with a therapist on NOCD. I had an appointment booked and ready but I told my partner about the ERP and he said he wasn’t comfortable with it because of what it might be like. I never thought of it to be that way so I think I just pushed the idea away as I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. I’ve tried meditation, journaling, talking to an online chat therapist, also an online OCD course that takes you through yourself as if it were therapy and I’ve had CBD gummies for anxiety to see if that would help too. I just am really tough with money at the moment so I can’t access too much with therapy. I will admit sometimes I let it get the better of me and I feel hopeless. But I want to fix it and I don’t want to live this way anymore, for both me and my partner.