I’m so worried

It’s getting really difficult. I’m having the grossest intrusive thoughts come up and they feel so real. I hate the way it’s in my voice and sometimes even sound like it’s joking or proud. It’s absolutely not funny, I haven’t laughed or smiled about any of this once, it is misery. I hate it and it’s disgusting and I cannot live life like this forever. I don’t want to leave my family but I can’t live with these kinds of thoughts or with the possibility of them being real and being a dangerous person. The fact I have no diagnosis is making it worse. The only thing that makes me feel better is that I never ever had these thoughts before I started getting intrusive thoughts. I never agreed with any of this, it has always been against my morals. It is still against my morals. If I truly wanted this why would I be up scared to sleep because I’m worried I’ll have nightmares? Why would I be pinching myself or smacking myself in the head when a gross thought comes up? I’m aware that it’s all absolutely ridiculous and that I have zero true urge or desire to do or think anything that’s coming up, so that keeps me from getting too worked up. But then sometimes I worry what if I’m not getting worked up because I’m ok with it? It’s a nightmare and I feel so alone. I feel like such a nasty person and my family thinks I’m a good person. I’m sorry, I feel crazy writing this. I’m getting help soon, my mom knows I have intrusive thoughts just not how disgusting they are. I feel like I have failed her and the rest of the family and it’s crushing me. I worry what if I’m beyond help. What if it’s real?

SadUnicorn3 🦄

Date posted: 1y

Ocd will always make you doubt yourself. Even tho you haven’t been diagnosed it sounds like u have ocd from what I can see. If you really wanted these thoughts u would have had them for a long time and not been worried about them, u wouldn’t call them “intrusive thoughts” if you wanted them. You haven’t failed anyone. The fact you are so disgusted by these thoughts is the proof in the pudding. Pedophiles are not disgusted by those types of thoughts. Anyone, with or without ocd can experiance unwanted intrusive thoughts/feelings/urges. People with ocd just tend to become more obsessed with them and have a lot more intrusive thoughts than someone without, we are very sensitive people which is why we developed ocd. You are not alone. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s painful

OCDFamily

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Yes this!

Chase615

Date posted: 1y

Are you going to see a therapist at NOCD? I think they can help you shed some light on what is going on and why you feel this way. I see a therapist here for harm OCD and contamination OCD and it has helped a lot. I hope you start feeling better.

bloominglotus

Date posted: 1y

@Chase615 I think I’m going to see a doctor or some other therapist. I am not diagnosed with ocd. Back in December my mental health was getting really bad and eventually I was getting desperate for answers and ocd seemed similar what I was experiencing. I am not self diagnosing, I just downloaded this app because it helps to feel that I am not alone and other people are going through similar things. If it ends up being ocd I would like to try a NOCD therapist. Thank you

Chase615

Date posted: 1y

I see. I wish you all the best and hope that find the doctor or therapist that can help you. And if you don't find them on the first try I hope you keep trying until you do. I wish you all the best in the future.

bloominglotus

Date posted: 1y

@Chase615 Thank you so much. I wish the best to you as well.

tayanominous

Date posted: 24w

I’m scared does anyone else have these thoughts?

TW!!!! TW! Not talking abt SOCD in talking abt those really gross intrusive thoughts about sexual things with family ,friends, animals, random people. Mine is with family specifically my mom and I am so scared and my OCD is saying I actually want these thoughts to happen irl. I’m scared and these thoughts aren’t just the average incest thoughts there are sooo messed up it crazy, a few weeks ago I gas a thought that I was pregnant with that family member I mentioned before and I know ewwwwww wtf it’s sooo bad and I’m scared ppl will judge me for it in here or my therapist I’m so scared and it keeps adding to this thought like what it would be like if that were true and it’s sounds so crazy and gross and f****d up I feel so guilty and scared and I don’t wanna do ERP cuz I’m scared worse thoughts will come and your probably think well I can’t get worse then that but unfortunately it probably could anyways I’m sorry for ranting and pls pls reply cuz I feel rlly alone cuz I feel like no one gets THESE thoughts aghhh 😖

flowerpetals

Date posted: 21w

frustrating

harm ocd is the bane of my existence. people always tell me that if you have anxiety over a thought, that’s ocd. and these intrusive thoughts cause me IMMENSE anxiety. i’m constantly looking for reasons why i’m not what these thoughts tell me i am. but WHY DOES IT FEEL SO REAL?? it’s like i can’t reassure myself that this isn’t me and i don’t want to do it, but i also look for reasons why it’s not me. my brain is constantly telling me “if you don’t act on this, you’ll never feel free”. WHAT EVEN IS THAT?? and why does it feel real?? anytime i think about getting therapy, i constantly think that it’s not going to help me positively but help me realize i am this person. i just wish someone with harm ocd could get into my brain, understand me, and tell me everything will be okay. i wish someone in recovery could tell me that they’ve been where i am, felt the same feelings, thought the same thoughts, and got through it when they thought they wouldn’t. i feel like i’m drowning in it. another thing is i think about how my mom knows a surface level understanding to this form of my ocd, but if she knew it all, i’m scared she’d never look at me the same. i’m scared she’d be scared of me and think i need psychiatric help. IM TERRIFIED.

Harm OCD

bradyx20

Date posted: 14w

don’t know what’s happening to me

i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but I have anxiety about harming other people/family members and it’s like urges and im scared I actually want to do it? I don’t think I’ve ever been violent as a kid (im 21 now) and the intrusive thoughts don’t go away so im just stuck all day everyday for the past few weeks just thinking and being scared about it and im having all these weird emotions like being irritated and angry I don’t want to hurt people I don’t think idk why my mind is making me think I do I’ve had intrusive thoughts before that I could brush away sure it took like a day or two but this one is different it doesn’t go away and leaves me with the worst fear imaginable and nothing I look up that should be giving me relief is giving me relief + I feel like im not in control of my body and that im just gonna lose it and act on these thoughts it’s just all on a loop and im not sure how im supposed to live the rest of my life when im in constant fear of my self

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I’m so worried

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