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Ocd will always make you doubt yourself. Even tho you haven’t been diagnosed it sounds like u have ocd from what I can see. If you really wanted these thoughts u would have had them for a long time and not been worried about them, u wouldn’t call them “intrusive thoughts” if you wanted them. You haven’t failed anyone. The fact you are so disgusted by these thoughts is the proof in the pudding. Pedophiles are not disgusted by those types of thoughts. Anyone, with or without ocd can experiance unwanted intrusive thoughts/feelings/urges. People with ocd just tend to become more obsessed with them and have a lot more intrusive thoughts than someone without, we are very sensitive people which is why we developed ocd. You are not alone. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s painful

Are you going to see a therapist at NOCD? I think they can help you shed some light on what is going on and why you feel this way. I see a therapist here for harm OCD and contamination OCD and it has helped a lot. I hope you start feeling better.

I see. I wish you all the best and hope that find the doctor or therapist that can help you. And if you don't find them on the first try I hope you keep trying until you do. I wish you all the best in the future.